Being home has given me a lot to think about over the next few months. There are so many things that I have yet to learn about myself. Getting married is one of them. Getting married is a huge deal. It’s not something that someone should take lightly. I learned this the hard way. I’ve been married once before and thinking about getting married scares the crap out of me. I love my fiancé and he is the most amazing man in the world to me. The things I learn from him are beyond anything I could ever ask for. He pushes me in ways no one else could. He sees things that I don’t see within myself and pushes me to be better. It’s amazing.
So, this brings me to the point of getting married and it being a huge deal. He asked me to marry him last year. We are planning to get married in Costa Rica next year. This is scary. I want to start planning and getting things started. At the same time, I am not ready. I am not ready to start planning and getting things ready because I am not sure. I am absolutely, sure I want to marry Jon. There is no question in my mind that he is the perfect one for me. In fact, I don’t have any questions. There are things about myself that I am not ready to deal with. I am not in a place where I want to be mentally.
Some of the things I want to come to understand is that I don’t need to get married for everyone else. I don’t need to have a fancy ceremony or go to an exotic place to one up my previous wedding. I need to get married when I am ready and he is ready. Marriage is about the laws of nature. It doesn’t matter what papers you have, it matters what you do to grow yourself into a more aware and honest person.
One of the things that I really love about Jon is his sense of what marriage is. It is something that I never thought of. It is something that doesn’t make sense to people. It didn’t make sense to me at first either. It took me a while to get to the point of understanding I have now. I still have a long way to go to understand how he sees marriage, yet I think it is important.
Marriage is deep. Marriage is not just a piece of paper. Marriage is not a fancy wedding. Marriage is between two people and nature. I am not sure how to explain it in words that would make sense. So here is the only way I know how to explain it. I found an article online called “The nature of sacred marriage”. It gives the best explanation possible.
“When Nature is not included in the marriage covenant and in its purpose, then marriage is no longer sacred. It becomes a vehicle with which to measure personal happiness, and if and when this happiness disappears in the face of difficulty, it is not surprising that many marriages end. A sacrament partakes of the Eternal – of the order of Life. It cannot be altered by law or edict, even though its sacred nature may be forgotten or abused. Marriage, as sacrament, reflects Nature’s intention to share the gifts of love and the joy of love with two, who, through their love, will bring the fruits of their joining to the world for the benefit of the world as well as for themselves. These fruits include but go far beyond the bearing of children. They are the fruits of the soul, the expressions of the soul, bringing what is Divine in each partner into greater manifestation, making each one a truer reflection of their inner being. The sacramental nature of marriage makes it more than a physical bond, more than an emotional bond. It is, in its deepest meaning, a spiritual bond, built out of the depth of love between two souls. To consecrate a marriage is to bring it into concordance not with two wills but with three – that of the two souls involved and that of nature.” (they used God. I changed it to nature)(http://lightomega.org/Ind/Pure/Sacred_Marriage.html)
This is what I am learning to understand because I want a happy and long-lasting marriage. I want something that is a whole lot more than my last marriage. I want something that has depth and meaning. With Jon, I have that. I have someone who will push me to think differently. I have someone who will tell me the truth. He and I both know that the depth can be deeper. He and I both know that we have to grow more in tune with nature’s laws to have a lasting and fruitful marriage. That is what we are striving for. Until we feel in tune to nature’s laws marriage will be put on hold. We may have a five-year engagement, who knows. It is okay because MARRIAGE takes work so we will do some work now to make sure it we are doing it for the right reasons.