Being honest with yourself is power

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Someone recently told me that they loved my honesty. Oh life…. What are you throwing at me. I couldn’t be more happy to be where I am. I am learning so much. I am learning to stay true to myself in more ways than one. If your wondering why I brought up my honesty. Well… I bring it up because it is so important to stay true to yourself. Life has been testing me to be honest with Jon. I have had to tell Jon some things that most people would hid. I told this to a friend and they freaked out. They couldn’t understand why in the world I would tell my fiancé that I was talking to another man. The thing is Jon and I have a special relationship. Something that is beyond words. We push each other to grow. We push each other to become a better version of ourselves. He knew when I came to Costa Rica I might find a guy I am attracted to. The thing is Jon trusts me. He knows that I will be honest, and I will do what’s right. He also knows that I won’t pass up an opportunity to grow. He knows this because we wouldn’t pass up an opportunity to grow.

People are put into our lives for us to grow and learn. I was tested last night in more ways than one. I don’t drink and I had the urge. The strong urge to drink because drinking would have been an easier way to deal with the emotions and anxiety that I had. I struggled because people kept handing me jello shots and beers. I kept saying no I don’t drink. Oh…. Did I really want to drink last night. The thing is I had to stay true to myself. I know that drinking would only lower my energy lower than it already was. It would have lowered my energy for days after as well. I couldn’t drink just to get rid of some emotions I don’t like. I had to forgo the immediate gratification for the long term results. So… I didn’t drink.

I didn’t understand all the emotions I was having last night so I stayed calm. I breathed. I just let it be what it was. I didn’t react. I just let it be. I woke up at about 5:30 this morning because I had to work through the emotions from last night. I wrote. I exercised. I grew. I realized I can’t let someone else lie because of me. I can’t let someone else make someone else feel how I felt many years ago. I couldn’t be that person. That person is not me and it never will be. I have to walk away. Why it is so hard to walk away I don’t know? I really don’t know. The universe will let me know why when the time is right. I will understand all the emotions, all the struggles, and all the faith soon enough.

I have so much energy that sleeping at night is difficult. The more I stay true to me the more energy I get. The stronger the energy gets. It’s wonderful. Yet when it stays inside and doesn’t move I don’t eat well and I sleep like crap. I have been working out first thing in the morning and sometimes at night. I never work out in the morning. I have to do it because I have to get the energy flowing. The energy is beautiful and amazing. Something that I have seen in the past just a little more intense now.

Here it goes to learning and growing….. by being honest you have more power.

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