Do you want to be well?

As you all know life for me has been tough lately. It has been rewarding as well. I am learning just how strong I am. I am learning how to stay true to myself. I am learning to grow and become independent. I am learning what I need and want. I am learning about the voice in my head that is crazy and absurd. I have been going back and forth all week about what I need to do. I haven’t slept well. I haven’t really eaten.  I have been exercising and writing. It has done amazing things for me to keep the energy moving. It’s scary as hell. I am having faith that the universe will give me something beyond expected when this is over. I HAVE NO IDEA what that is. And THAT IS OKAY!

Today at church, the pastor, hit home for me what I need to do. I cried the entire service. He said a bunch of stuff that I just get. I get it. He said…. (with some of my words, I hope you don’t mind pastor Perry)

Lame people give excuses. They are ineffective because they become paralyzed. People are paralyzed. They are paralyzed by fear. The weight of fear can paralyze you. You are weighing yourself down. We put all kinds of stuff on ourselves so that we can’t move. We are so afraid of losing something we can’t let go. We become paralyzed.

He used scripture to get things through. (I did not write them down.) He was talking about a man who had been ill for 30 some years. And God had asked a question “Do you want to get well?” The pastor went on to explain this with an amazing video about how people don’t want to get out of “prison.” A man is in prison and another man comes and tells him to come with him. He has to leave everything though. The prison man leaves his cell to only to return because he couldn’t leave something behind. The man tells him “you have to hurry. The doors will close any minute. Lets go!” The prison man leaves once again only to return to the cell for something else. The man tells him the same thing again. Eventually, the doors shut and he is stuck in prison.

Some people want to leave the prison. They want to get well. The thing is getting well or leaving prison is scary. It causes you to reflect on yourself. It causes you to make a choice. There is fear in the unknown when you say you want to get well or leave the prison. The pastor said when you make the choice you have to get up and walk out with your bed because you need to have to not want to go back there. You cannot stay where you are. You have to get up and walk. When things are being stirred and you do something without planning on going back there is a place of healing. You do not plan to fail.

When the universe speaks to us we can’t stay where we are. We have to experience the answers and wellness. We NEED TO LET GO of the burdens of fear and get rid of the excuses.

Are you afraid of what the universe will lead you to? What would be an excuse that will delay you from taking up the bed and walking?

Not every sick person wants to leave the prison or get well. They gave away all hope. They can’t change. When the universe speaks to me I have to stand up and walk. I have to get out of the negative thinking and follow the path he has for me even if I don’t see the next step. I have tasted what the universe is capable of. I have seen it. It is huge. It is beyond anything imaginable. GO with IT! Trust it! And have patience. It will come back to triple fold.

I am going with it. I am taking the bed and the first step without even knowing what will happen. I do know that I get what I give. If I give everything. I will get everything. I may not get what I thought I wanted, I will get what I need. Life is good. Life is beautiful.


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