Five years ago, I got a letter in the mail from the court house in Annapolis. It was my divorce decree. My divorce was final after a year of waiting. It was over.
My ex-husband and I started dating when I was 17 years old. We were together for 5 years, married for 2. There were things that shouldn’t have happened. We shouldn’t have gotten married and we probably should have broken up after a year and half of dating.
One thing that I do know is I would never change what happened. If I had to go back and do it all over again I wouldn’t change a single thing. I wouldn’t change a single thing because who I became after the marriage was a blessing. Yes, right after we separated I was going out drinking and doing things I probably shouldn’t have done. I was having trouble dealing with the separation. I did learn that I deserved a better life. I realized that I can have something greater than that.
Towards the end of the marriage, I would ask my ex-husband what’s the meaning of life? I would ask if there was more to this life than what we had? His response was… this is it, this is all there is. For some reason, I couldn’t believe this. I couldn’t believe that there was nothing more to life than what I was living. I couldn’t accept that.
I went through some struggles and in the end my mind was opened to a life I never could have imagined. I realized this because of the things my ex-fiance, Jon, taught me. The last 6 years with Jon have been some of the hardest times of my life. They were full of ups and downs. There was growth and there was stagnation. There were things that I wanted that I never got. There were things that I knew I could have.
Now, being here is Costa Rica, I am seeing that I can have those things and many more. I am seeing that this is where I am supposed to be. The life I have created here in this short amount of time is the most rewarding and amazing life. If you asked me 5 years ago, if I would be where I am today, I would laugh in your face and call you crazy.
I have the most wonderful students. They give my life have a meaning it’s never had. I have friends that mean the world to me. My best friend in the US and I have grown closer. My new friends here are perfect. My home is full of energy that keeps me going. My co-workers are wonderful and amazing! I am blessed to be able to work with such an amazing group of people. I have someone special in my life that is showing me so many things about love and life. More importantly, he is showing me about myself.
I could be angry and upset about what happened in my marriage. The thing is… it was the best thing to ever happen to me. I have learned so many things from my relationship with my ex-husband. Even though he is not in my life any more I am still learning and growing from the mistakes I made in the relationship. I look back on what happened and use it to give me a better life. There is no way to grow without looking at your past. Looking at your past gives you the keys to freedom. If you don’t take responsibility for your past it will only continue into your future.
“Oh yes, the past can hurt. But the way I see if you can either run from it or learn from it”~~ Rafiki