The past few days have been really hard for me. When I went back to the states, I fell “asleep.” When I got back to Costa Rica, I was still “asleep”. I made some choices what were not conscious. I made them based on things from my past that were not true. I hurt someone really close to me. I was a complete jerk. I did things that were not out of love and compassion. I put up a wall because I thought I couldn’t handle the amount of love that I was getting. I thought that there was something wrong because no one has loved me like that before. I pushed the person away in the worst possible way. I did exactly what my ex-fiance did to me to this person and I was much nastier about it. I wanted to teach that person something when in reality I was the one that needed to be taught something.
I felt horrible about how I treated him. It was one of the worst possible things someone could do to someone, in my opinion. I don’t understand why yet this person has given me a second chance. This person has not left me and still shows me love despite how nasty I was to him. He has opened my eyes to what love is and how a relationship should go. I have a lot more to learn from him and he is willing to be there to show me what life could be like. I am learning another culture and way of life that is not present in the United States.
I am ready to learn new ways of being because I want to make the world a better place. I want to have and raise children in a home that is full of love. I want to show my children and people around me what it’s like to overcome hardships and learn from mistakes.
I feel many emotions that I haven’t felt in a very, very long time. What I did and what I am going through was meant to happen so that I could learn and grow from it. In the last day, I have learned many things about life and hardships. I have seen love in a new way. I have seen forgiveness and compassion. I am scared of the darkness I am experiencing yet I know what the light looks like after experiencing this pain. I have the courage and the strength to keep going one step at a time. I have the love and faith to keep pushing past my walls and boundaries. I have the knowledge and friendships to walk me through this darkness. I haven’t lost the light. It’s still there, its just dim. As I work through this the light will be brighter and stronger. The light will be a guide for me next time and for others who need it right now.
Thank you, universe for the opportunity to grow and become a better me. Thank you, universe for giving me such amazing and wonderful people to walk along side me on this journey. Thank you, universe for love and patience. Thank you for the good times and the bad times. I chose to walk the path I have been given because this is the path that will lead to the most beautiful and amazing opportunities and life. Stay strong all those who are struggling. You are not the only ones. There is light on the other side of this struggle that is beautiful. Keep pushing. Keep going.