It happened. I got another tattoo. This is my second one. My first one is a fairy sitting on a moon. It is on my shoulder. I got it done when I was 18 years old. I am not one to get tattoos without reasons. My fairy tattoo was for my grandmother, “memom”. She passed away when I was younger. She was a big part of my life so when she died it was very hard for me. One thing that kept me going was knowing she was always here with me energetically. A friend of mine drew the tattoo for me 3 years before I got the tattoo. It was perfect. I knew that it would be good reminder of my memom. I love fairies. With the fairy sitting on the moon it was like my memom watching over me. She is always here with me.
This tattoo is no different. This tattoo has a meaning for me that is just as deep and sentimental to me as the first.
As you all know, I have been going through a transformation. I have been learning and growing in ways that I never could have imagined. It has been a lot of struggling and pain. I thought the struggle and pain would never end. I couldn’t see the light at the end of the tunnel for a long time. I just knew I had to keep pushing because something amazing was coming. I also knew I couldn’t go back to who I was before. There is only forward. One thing that kept me pushing was this phoenix ring that my ex-fiancé bought me a long time ago. That ring and its meaning kept me going.
I am a fire sign and the phoenix is a symbol of fire and what fire can do. The phoenix burns itself to ashes then is reborn from the ashes into a beautiful and amazing bird. It goes through hell so that it can be reborn. It does this multiple times. And every time it is more and more beautiful.
It is as though I burnt to ashes in many ways. I had to let go of parts of me that I never could have imagined letting go, the last few months. I have had to do things that I never thought I was capable of doing. Some of the experiences I have been through… being robbed in Chile, living on my own, getting off birth control, leaving my fiancé, and so many more. I look back on the last year and I can’t comprehend what happened. I can’t put what happened into words because I just know it in my soul. It is beautiful. After all the hard work, I am finally here.
Six and half years ago, I screamed and yelled in my apartment. I was yelling that I wanted a better life than what I had. I screamed that I would do everything I could possibly do to have a life I could only dream of. For the last 6 years, I have pushed, fought, and cried myself through many more situations than I could tell you. I lost and gained many things during this journey. I can say with the most confidence possible, that I am HERE! I MADE IT! This is not the end. It is only the beginning. I will have to burn and rise from the ashes many more times before I finally die. I am where I told myself I would be.
I got the tattoo as a symbol of strength, femininity, and love. That is what a phoenix is. It has to endure some pain. It shows it’s strength when it burns and rises up. This one I had drawn with many curves and eventually color. The curves represent the fluidity and flexibility of the feminine essence of a woman. The color represents the brightness and beauty that lives within the feminine soul. The wings raised up represents the openness it takes to truly love. The phoenix’s ability to rise again after being burned to ashes is a representation of what a woman goes through every month when we have our monthly cycles. As a woman, I have the ability to create life from nothing.
This is a perfect representation of who I am and what I do. It is a beautiful illustration of me. I am amazed and in awe of the feminine woman I have become. There is still more work to do spiritually. I am ready for it. The next chapter of my life will be better and more amazing than this one. I hope to share it with you all. The good, the bad, and the ugly. Remember there is a beautiful and amazing light at the end of the tunnel. Burn what isn’t meant to be and rise again!
(He still has to do the coloring. I will add the finished tattoo in a few weeks!)