True Colors

I am blown away. I don’t understand what has happened with me. The last two weeks have taught me so much. About 10 days ago, I had to go to the United States on short notice for my work visa here in Costa Rica. I had to go back and get a background check because the one I had expired. I thought it was good for 6 months when it was really good for 3 months. I had 10 days to get the background check submitted to immigration in Costa Rica. I really didn’t want to go back to the states during my break from work. I wanted to stay here, relax, and find a side job. Which I can still do.

It was great to get to see family. I got to spend time with my sister, dad, step mom and nana. I was able to take my nana to the doctors a few times and be there with her when she got her new wheelchair. She has been waiting 4 years for a new on. I remember being with her when she would call for the new wheelchair 4 years ago. It was really amazing to be there. I was able to talk with my sister. I spent some time with my niece and nephew. It was perfect.

Being away always teaches me something. This time I learned a lot. I learned just how strong I am. I learned how much I have grown. I continually surprise myself. I had a bunch of conversations with a guy I have been talking to during the time I was away. We had conversations about his children and about life. It was very eye opening for me. I was able to be honest in a way that I had never been. I stayed true to myself.

I am still trying to comprehend what I learned. I am in a state of shock at the moment. My life is one hilarious event after another. Today, something happened that is a bit too personal for me to share publicly.  I should be angry right now. I should feel hurt and upset. I should feel betrayed and offended. What I don’t understand is that I don’t feel any of those things. I feel light and peaceful. I feel calm and okay. I feel like laughing. I am smiling as I write this because I don’t understand who I am at the moment. I am laughing because I am happy to be in the place I am. Even if it sucks, I am happy that no one can take my peace no matter what they do to me.

Everyone’s true colors come out eventually. I am not perfect. I am far from it. I do my best to treat people how I would wanted to be treated. I am honest, almost to a fault, with most things. I can’t say I am always honest because I am not.  I have been honest about my feelings and thoughts about situations with most people. I do this so they have a choice as to how they want to proceed with the information I give them. I have yet to find someone who does this in return. I would rather be honest and lose someone than hide something and risk the consequences when the truth comes out. The truth always comes out.

I don’t understand what this all means. I am happy that things happen in my life because they help me in many ways. They help me be strong and trust myself. They help me keep my peace and happiness no matter what happens. Eventually, I will see the reason behind why certain things happen in my life.

Until then, I am laughing, loving, and living my life to the fullest. Questioning and searching for answers to the life I live.

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