It has been an interesting few weeks. I have been trying to get used to being back at work. I have had some issues arise with my boyfriend and with myself personally. It has been showing me so much about myself.
Last week was the first week with the children. It was great. I am loving my new second graders. They are going to teach me so much about myself. I am excited to see how their individual personalities will work together and how I will have to adjust to help them find their own paths. It is going to be a fantastic and wonderful year. It will be full of trials and grow. I am ready for it.
In regards to my relationship and myself….
A few months ago, I wrote a post called “F*@# Yes!” It talked about how I needed to find someone who could say fuck yes to me. I needed someone who could see everything I had to offer and more. I needed someone who would do what they needed to be with me. I wrote that I needed to be that for myself. Since I wrote that, I had been being a fuck yes for myself. I had been doing everything I needed for me. I had been letting go of everything that didn’t work for me. I had been loving myself and being there for me in all ways.
As you all know, I have a new boyfriend. We have been seeing each other for a little over 2 months now. It has been amazing. There have been some struggles. We made it through them. We made it through them because I am a fuck yes for him and he is a fuck yes for me. We both see things in each other that we love. That keeps us fighting for our relationship.
He has kids with another woman. She does not respect our relationship. She has tried to get him to cheat on me with her. She has threatened to kill me if I go to see the children with him again. She has blocked him from talking to the children. He doesn’t like this. He is very open and honest with me about it as well. What I appreciate about this is that he is honest with me about it. He handles it the way he needs too. When he doesn’t know what to do he asks for my advice.
Recently, he and I got into a huge fight because he “played” her game and disrespected me in the process. Which is not okay with me. He has never disrespected me before so I needed to put a stop to it. I took actions so that he would understand the consequences if he did it again. We had a long conversation about respect and about what I need to happen. He also communicated with me things that he could have done that he didn’t do, such as delete the messages so I didn’t see them. I had seen what he could have done that he didn’t do. I appreciated that and told him so. He decided that he needed to stop talking to his ex and the children until she could respect him and our relationship. He will just fulfill his financial obligations. I do not necessarily agree with this because the kids will suffer. He however feels that he has no other options at the moment. I have to trust that he is doing what he feels best.
Today, however, is one of his son’s birthdays. She refused to let him talk to his son. She also communicated with his family that he is not doing what he is supposed to do. She made him seem like the bad guy to his family. He had a very hard time with this and told me. He didn’t know what to do. He didn’t want me to worry and that he was handling it. We talked about it and we found a way around it. He could have never told me about this. He did tell me because he would want me to do the same.
I really like that he is honest and upfront with me even when he knows I could get upset or worry. He isn’t perfect and he makes mistakes. He does correct the mistakes in ways no one ever has with me. I am this way and I expect my significant other to do the same with me. In this way, he has shown me I am a FUCK YES!
One of the other ways that I can see that I am a fuck yes with him is how he is with my emotions. With my monthly cycle, my emotions and hormones are all out of whack. It has been the worst I have experienced in a long time. This past Friday, I had some emotional downs. I told him that I was having a hard time with my emotions. His response blew me away just like it does every time I am emotional. I was sitting at my computer at work thinking about this. I remembered I wrote something about how I was feeling a few months ago. I couldn’t figure it out until a few days later. That is when I realized I am a fuck yes. He sees me for more than my emotions. He sees me as a queen. He knows how to work as a real team. He knows how to overcome his defects. He knows how to correct his mistakes. When I think he won’t understand or won’t be what I need, he goes and surprises me.
I feel that this post is a little confusing. I am not exactly sure how to express my thoughts and feelings with this one. I am in new territory. I am in an uncomfortable and unsure place with him. I am happy. I am learning. I am glad he is in my life. The relationship is something I am getting used to. The respect, the effort, the love, and the fuck yes is something new to me from someone else. I have been giving that to myself and for someone to be that with me is a bit scary.
I want you all to fight for yourself. Fight for what you deserve. Fight for your fuck yes. It may be uncomfortable when you get it and that’s okay. Enjoy it. Observe it. Learn from it. Life is good.