Marriage… a difficult decision

Marriage is a big decision. As you all know I got engaged (again!) in December. I have been married before so making the final decision to say “I Do” again is a huge deal that I don’t take lightly. I want that someone to be someone that is my partner and best friend for many years to come. I am constantly changing and adapting to things in life. I want someone that does the same. We will have many different types of circumstances to go through in life as we grow older and start to create a family and life together. It’s important to be able to work together, adapt, and change during those times. Respecting each other’s decisions and choices as we build a life together is important as well. These are my top 2 deal makers or breakers in a relationship. Jonathan does both of those things. That is why I said yes. However, there are other things affecting my decision.

There are other huge things that I am considering as I move toward my decision. Jonathan has two children here in Costa Rica. Which is all well and good. I love his children. They are pretty amazing children. Their mother, on the other hand, I am not a huge fan of. She has made our lives a little difficult when it comes to us living our life. Since Costa Rica has some pretty strict child support laws. Jonathan is not allowed to leave the country without a signed paper from her saying he can leave. When we went to Nicaragua, he had to sneak across the border because she refused to sign the paper. This causes many issues. He won’t be able to apply for a visa to the US to visit my family without the paper from her. If I wanted to travel anywhere outside of Costa Rica, I would have to go alone. I like to travel and experience different cultures. I want to take him to my hometown and show him where I am from. I can’t do any of this with him because of our current situation. This could change, as I hope it does. I have to be realistic though. It is highly unlikely to happen. Is everything else good about him worth not being able to leave Costa Rica together? One thing I didn’t like about my first marriage was he didn’t want to travel with me. If we did travel, I had to drag him along. Jonathan would love to travel with me, no hesitations. It just isn’t possible if she doesn’t sign the papers. We could hire a lawyer and fight it in court. The likelihood of us winning… I do not know. I have heard many, many stories with child custody disputes here and I am not looking forward to having to do that with her.

Second, money. We all know money is a huge deal when getting married. How someone handles their money and what they do with it can affect both parties. Jonathan generally doesn’t spend money he doesn’t have. He tends to live within his means. If he needs something and can’t afford it he will go without it or borrow it from someone until he can afford it. This is one thing I admire and respect. On the other hand, he isn’t as open with me about the amount of debt he has. He has told me he has some debt from his ex. He has been straight forward about what happened and he had acknowledged the mistakes he made in giving her his information to purchase a few things on credit. He won’t tell me what the total amount of debt he currently has. You know… a hard number, like $2,000. When he and his ex argue, it is generally over her wanting him to pay her money. I believe something in his past is the reason he acts the way he does towards money. It is like that with most people, including me. I am not a huge fan of that with him.

Recently,we talked about his attitude toward money because we needed something for the apartment, that cost like $4. I asked him to purchase it because I have other things I have to pay this month and I do not have the money to buy it. He got upset with me. As we walked to the store, I explained to him, in Spanish, what was on my mind about his attitude towards money. He did what I love… he just listened. I do not know if this will ever change completely because things like this take time. I have to be patient and watch what he does in the future. How will he take what I said, apply it to his life, and make it better? As time goes on, I will see if he works on himself or if he decides to stay the same.

Somethings he and/or I can work on and change. Others are not so easy. Making the decision to marry him is not an easy one to make. There are so many questions, situations,and circumstances that can arise that make one wonder if things will work out. Are you ever 100% sure that person is perfect for you, no hesitations? For those of you that have been divorced and remarried, how did you decide to remarry?

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