Month: March 2019

Papaya

I live in this amazing place that has papaya everywhere! You can go to the supermarket, roadside fruit stands, or even from trees in random peoples yards. They are abundant and readily available. A light green or amber, thin skin that covers a bright orange fruit with tiny black seeds in the middle. It has texture is a mix between a ripe avocado and a cantaloupe. When most people eat the fruit, they peel the skin and take the seeds out.

Personally, I hate the fruit.  The texture and taste just do not sit well with me.

I know what your thinking… If I hate papaya, why am I writing about it?

Why Papaya?

As you all know from previous posts, I have issues with my digestion sometimes (or a lot). I saw a post on Facebook that gave the benefits of eating papaya seeds. One of them was for digestion issues and parasites. I was like “WOW! Let me try papaya seeds for my digestion.” So, I looked up recipes on how to take papaya seeds. There were a few!

The first one I tried was ground up seeds mixed with honey. I took about half a tablespoon. I COULD NOT SWALLOW!! The seeds have a horrible taste, super bitter and kind of spicy like pepper. There was no way I could take that. I thought it would be more effective this way. And it might have been if it wasn’t nasty to the taste.

The second recipe was simply putting the seeds in a smoothie. I added frozen pineaple, apples, banana and the papaya seeds in water. Blended it up. And it was good. I could taste the seeds a little and i could take it, no problem.

What I noticed…

I did this for a couple of days. I realized two things…

  1. If I add too many seeds it makes my stomach hurt.
  2. I did help me use the bathroom easier.

Since it helped me use the bathroom easier I thought “wow, these seeds work!” Fastforward to a few days ago.

I was having green stool recently. I thought “Something is wrong with my digestion because I haven’t eaten too many green vegetables (to turn my stool green). Let me take some papaya seeds and see what happens.” I have been drinking papaya seeds in my smoothies twice a day for 3 days now. It is working. My stool is starting to go back to normal. From what I read online, it takes 10+ days to help regulate your stool with papaya seeds.

Papaya seeds are looking to be a great alternative to some medicines. It has helped quite a bit with my digestion and it’s pretty amazing. Who knew the seeds from this fruit would have such a good affect on my intestines?

Isn’t It Romantic Movie

About the Movie

* Possible spoiler alert*

I recently watched the Netflix Movie “Isn’t It Romantic.” I wasn’t quite sure what to expect. I was not expecting the outcome of the movie at all. The description is as follows “After hitting her head, an architect who hates romantic comedies wakes up to find her unremarkable life has become a dazzling, cliche- driven, rom-com.” It doesn’t give much to go on when you begin watching the movie.

The movie is about a girl, Natalie, who starts out loving rom-coms. Her mom told her that man wouldn’t like a woman like her because she is no Julia Roberts. Fast-forward 25 year later, she lives a life where her dog is dirty, her apartment is small, and she doesn’t have the Julia Roberts looks. She has the potential to be a great architect, and her self love stops her from having the life she wants. Natalie doesn’t even realize her best guy friend, Josh, is in love with her.

Something happens to her on the way home from work and winds up unconscious. She wakes up in an alternative reality that is the perfect romantic comedy. The most handsome man falls for her, her apartment looks like it is straight out of a home decorating magazine, and her workspace is entirely different. Josh falls for another woman that is the perfect model. She realizes she is in her own sort of rom-com and figures she has to do something to wake up from it. At first, Natalie thinks she needs to recreate what happened on the way home from her work the night before as she attempts to do that she gets arrested with no phone. Natalie gets her one phone call, and the only number she has is the handsome man that fell in love with her.

As she goes about living the rom-com life, she thinks she needs to get Josh back. In most romantic comedies that is the case. The girl winds up with the wrong man and has to work to get the right man back. Natalie works to do this because Josh is getting married to another woman. She does everything she can think of to get him back. She even crashes the wedding.

What threw me for me a loop was what she actually needed to do. When she crashed the wedding she realized it wasn’t about Josh, it was about her. She needs to love herself. She needs to believe she is perfect just the way she is. Natalie does that and wakes from her coma. Her work life and love life changed because she loves herself.

What I love about this movie:

I love that this movie is about loving yourself. It’s never about the man or the apartment or the life you don’t have. If you love have self-confidence and self-appreciation you can have whatever you want regardless of what it looks like on the outside. It’s the law of attraction. You attract what you believe and think. This movie is a silly rom-com yet with a different twist about love. Yourself comes first. If you don’t put yourself first, how can you see when someone else truly loves you?

If you haven’t seen the movie, I recommend watching it and seeing a new perspective to love and rom-coms. Let me know what you thought of the film and the impact you think this movie could have on your life or others. I would love to hear your comments.

What am I not doing to make my blog better? And what it means for you.

One of the things I do with this blog is to be honest with my life. I do my best not to sugarcoat the experiences that I go through when sharing them with you. I want to be honest because honesty is key in this life. Being honest not only with you all but with myself too. I recently wrote a blog post with 27 questions for self-discovery (If you subscribe to my website you get this). As I was writing, I asked and answered those questions for myself, again. Some answers were the same as the past, and some changed. These questions led me to ask more questions like what can I do to make my blog better? What am I not doing to make my blog better?

I responded to the last question because I thought it was the most important. I was not listening to the advice that many other bloggers had given me in many ways. Here were the top 3…

1. There isn’t consistency between the blog and my social media. My color scheme and layouts are all over the place. It seems like a chaotic mess. I like so many styles it is hard to narrow it down to just one.

2. I don’t have a content marketing strategy. Well, I have a strategy. It is to just do what I feel I need to do. Which really isn’t the best strategy. I need a more concrete strategy in writing that I can follow and implement.

3. I don’t believe in myself or what I am doing. This one is the most difficult one for me. This is the part that is not easy for me to be honest about. This is the one that stops me in my tracks. Let me explain…

From my past posts, most of you know that I struggled with many situations as a child. These situations have made me the strong, loving, and courageous woman I am today. One the other hand, it has given me some doubts, insecurities, and fear. I know that I can inspire people with my writing and experiences. I have seen it happen with family and friends. I know that I can make an impact on the women and the world by overcoming my insecurities and sharing my strengths. If I didn’t think I could really do this I would not have continued to write for as long as I have. I would have given up long ago.

So why do I feel like I do not believe in myself or what I am doing?

I feel that I am good enough to be an influencer on this world. I feel that everyone has left me at some point in my life, which isn’t really true. They just weren’t there emotionally for me. This is something that has taken me a long time to understand and i am still understanding how this affects my life. It affects relationships, my work, and my self esteem, among other things. It’s not easy to overcome and it takes a lot of internal processing and understanding. There are many other people who feel the same because of things that have happened in their past. I know that if i work hard to transmute this into something bigger, it would be a life changer. I know I CAN DO THIS! It is just something I feel. And as i have learned over the years, not everything we feel is the truth.

How have I begun to overcome this?

I have taken personal development classes. I have read books. I attended IHP for 4 years. I have come a long way with understanding the feeling of not being enough. Opening my mind to different ways of living and thinking has been a huge part of this journey. I do this by asking myself questions and digging deep for the honest answer. Once I get to the answer, I do my best to find a new way of being with the issue. For my blog, I have been pushing myself to keep writing and putting the best energy I possibly can out into the world. Even when something tries to stop me, I remember that nothing worth living for is easy. I find a way to overcome it. When I switched the blog around I ran into problems (I still am running into problems), I dug deep to find the courage to make it happen despite the trouble. This helped me have confidence that I can learn and grow if I want it bad enough.

Nothing in this world comes easy. If even it looks easys when others do it, it’s not. They had some struggle (that no one saw) to get to where they are. Part of the blog is to share that struggle and to show you that even with the struggle there is hope and amazement on the other side of it.

What does this mean for you as a reader?

I do struggle with feeling not good enough. I seem to contradict myself with some posts. I am still learning and growing as a person. One day I may see a different point of view to something than I did the day before. I think that is why I don’t have consistency within my website and social media. I want you to know I am looking for a coach that could help me understand myself on a deeper level as well as help me get the blog to a more cohesive place. I am on a journey of self-discovery. It is not clear, cut, and dry. It is messy, difficult, and scary. As I begin to understand, aspects of my life will begin to be more harmonious and tranquil.

I hope that you as a reader becomes motivated, stronger, and inspired by the journey of my life. I wish that you are encouraged to reach your dreams, as I begin to reach mine. I am working on different ideas for courses, ebooks, and printables that can support you in your journey of life. (stay tuned) I love all my readers and followers. I am happy and thrilled to gain many more. Thank you for inspiring me to better myself and my life!

It’s My Birthday and It Feels Strange

It’s my birthday today, and it feels strange. My birthday is always a huge deal for me. I always have something planned whether big or small. I always tell everyone “IT”S MY BIRTHDAY!” I am always pumped about celebrating another year of the amazing life I live. Being born even if things have been rough for me, is a huge deal. With that pain and struggle, I learned more than I could have ever imagined. I would never trade my life for something else. So, celebrating my birthday is always an exciting and fantastic time for me.

This year though is different. I don’t know if it is because I turned 30 today or because of something else. I haven’t reminded anyone that it’s my birthday today. It’s not that I don’t want to because I do. Something inside me is telling me to stay quiet this year. I am not sure why and I know I will find out. It is funny because I am going to start my 30s off with a trip to the dentist, new filling and cleaning. I am actually looking forward to having a chill birthday at the dentist.

I can say, I feel good about where my 30s will take me. My 20s were all about overcoming parts of myself that needed growing. My 30s will be about creating the dream life I deserve. I am more than thrilled to see where I end up when I turn 40!

Who has ever felt this way for a birthday? Anyone love their birthday before then turn 30 and everything changes? Let me know in the comments how you celebrate your birthday and your feelings toward it. I would love to know!

7 Ways to Build Self-Confidence

I didn’t always have self confidence. For the majority of my life, I was a outgoing and appeared confident. However, that was not the case. Deep inside, I was crying for attention from myself. Instead of looking within and finding myself, I chose men and other things to focus my attention on. For years, i continued to neglect my true self. I ignored the problems I held deep within. Unless you were my close friend or relative, you never knew. After my divorce, I had hit rock bottom. I knew I needed to really find myself or I would have the same thing happen again. I hated how I felt. I hated feeling lonely, used, and betrayed. I started to do these 7 things. It was not a quick fix. It was something that took years of practice and determination to gain the self confidence I have now. Some were easier than others to achieve.

1. Take Time for Yourself

This can look different for different people. It could be taking that vacation you have been putting off for years. It could be as simple as taking a bath with candles. There are so many ways you can take time for yourself. At first for me, it was taking baths and going to the movies alone. As time went on the time was spent differently. During my college years, it was taking space from men. I only spent time with woman. I moved into an apartment with 3 other woman and really understood what the power of having girlfriends was. Within the last few years, it has been quitting my job and moving to a foreign country alone. Depending on where you are in your journey of self confidence will depend on what taking time for yourself looks like.

2. Set Yourself up to Succeed

When you succeed at something that isn’t easy to do, you learn what you are capable of. This is a major part of setting yourself up for success. Start small. If you are learning self confidence (in the beginning) you may not want to move abroad solo. This may be too big of a step for you to begin with. There is no way I would have been able to move abroad 10 years ago. I would have been frustrated and moved back home. Gradually increase the activities and situations you put yourself in. Try not to do too much as one time. Set small goals you are able to achieve. Or set a big goal with little steps to get there.

3. Exercise often

Exercise is the best way to increase endorphins and stay strong. It has helped me release energy and stay focused. I notice a huge different in my overall well being when I do not get a certain amount of exercise in a day. Running, swimming, or any other increase adrenaline activity can help you stay positive. It helps your body stay in shape as well. If you have trouble with this like I do, I suggest an exercise buddy to keep you motivated. My buddy is my dog. She needs to run so I run around the yard with her. The days I don’t do this with her, she eats things she isn’t supposed to. This helps both of us stay in shape and mentally in a good place.

4. Take Care of Your Hygiene

This may seem like it has nothing to do with self confidence. However, it does. This is a huge part of feeling good about yourself. If you aren’t washing your hair or brushing your teeth regularly, you tend to feel down and depressed. The first thing i do when i wake up is take a shower. There was a few days we didn’t have water, and I couldn’t do this. I had to push through the feelings of yuck and grime. It is so important to feel clean. It is a basic need so making sure you met that need is important. It’s the foundation of self confidence.

5. Dig Deep Within Yourself

This is probably the biggest, hardest, and most helpful thing I have done to gain self confidence. I took courses to help me discover some deep rooted issues from my childhood that kept my self confidence low. Some of which were the Landmark Forum, Justin Sterling’s Woman’s course, and attending the Institute for Hermetic Philosophy. Reading books was another way that helped me understand what self confidence looks like. All of these courses and books helped me understand what was stopping me from loving myself and not allowing myself to have better than what i was giving myself.

6. Act Positive

Acting positive is different than thinking positive because it allows you to put into action positivity. I started with doing one positive thing a day. It became a habit and now I do it more often. This could be doing that project that you have been putting off for 3 weeks. Open up your body more by sitting up straight and having better posture. Yoga or deep breathing exercises. Smile or laugh more often. Open up your love. Give compliments to people you might not have in the past. Allow yourself to love freely. All of these things and many more help with self confidence. For me, it was adjusting my posture, giving more love, and do projects i had been putting off.

7. Say No

Since I always wanted to be around people for fear of being alone, I never said no when I should have. Being able to tell people “No I can’t do that” without giving an in depth reason why and NOT FEELING BAD is one of the most self rewarding things you can do. I began to trust myself in ways I never knew i could when I started saying no to things that didn’t suit me. Just simply say NO. Justifying or feeling bad about saying no takes your power from you so you lose self confidence. DO NOT BE AFRAID TO SAY NO! Again, start with small things you want to say no too and move to bigger things. This takes practice as it is scary to do if you have never done it.

How Do We Play The Victim?

Everyone has played the victim at some point in their lives. It’s what we do as kids. Certain people never grow out of it. As a teacher, my student’s play the victim all the time. Some more than others. If someone gets in trouble for talking to someone, they tell me, “she was talking too.” Instead of saying sorry teacher, they put the blame on the other person. Of course, this is a very basic form of playing the victim. I have found from personal experience there are many more different ways it presents itself. Here are the 6 I have seen.

1. Doesn’t Take Responsibility, Blames Others

This is probably the most common form I have seen. It’s when the person blames someone else so they don’t have to take responsibility for their mistakes or problems. I have done this many times. I had a rough week at work because I didn’t finish my lesson planning on time. I blamed it on the internet not working (which it wasn’t working) instead of just saying “hey, I overbooked myself this week. I am sorry.” I could have lesson planned earlier in the week when I normally do instead of waiting until the last minute. Things happen and we make mistakes. It is okay. How we handle those mistakes shows us if we are “the victim” or not. I played the victim by not taking responsibility for the fact I waited until the last minute. The internet here is unpredictable and I have known this. If I had done the work on Tuesday, like I do every week it would have been done.

It can be hard to admit situations like this because it can affect the ego or make you look bad. It takes courage and strength to admit you were in the wrong. It is easier and less “painful” to blame it on external situations, like the internet not working. I think some people use this as a way not justify why they broke the rules or did the things they did. It takes time to learn how to be honest and take responsibility for your actions. It does start with one situation at a time.

2. Holds Grudges, No Forgiveness

When someone doesn’t forgive or let things go it can cause anger and resent to be present. This hurts you more than anyone. It has an effect on those around you because you tend to push them away. The only people I have held grudges against was my mom and dad. It took me a really long time to forgive and understand the things they did when I was little. As I began to look within myself, I began to see that they did the best they could with what they had. I hated my father for not letting me express myself in the ways I wanted too. I hated him for not allowing me to chose the clothes I wanted. I had a grudge towards my mom for giving my sister more attention and money than me. I hated my mom for taking the side of my ex husband during my divorce. It took some time to be able to let those things go. I had to yell and scream at my father. I had to disown my mother. All during that time, I worked on myself so I could be the person I wanted to be regardless of their actions.

This is not easy. It is probably one of the hardest things to do, to forgive and let go. It takes time to truly understand deeply what this does to our lives. Of course, you need to protect yourself. It is a two way street. If you forgive someone and they don’t grow with you, maybe it’s time to walk away. Forgiveness is for your own peace. You can forgive and walk away if you need to. I have forgiven people and left the relationship. I forgave my mother and father. The relationship with them changed for the better, allowing us to have the relationship we have now. Even if you forgive and leave the person, you still have a peace inside you. That is the most important: being at peace.

3. Doesn’t Trust Others, Everyone is Against Them

This one doesn’t always appear in people who play the victim. It does show frequently though. When you play the victim you are constantly thinking that people are doing things on purpose and trying to make you miserable. It makes logical sense that a “victim” would not trust others. With my job, I have issues with my boss sometimes (don’t we all). There are others that have issues with her much more than I do. I believe part of this is because they think it is all because of our boss. My boss is not perfect and part of her personality drives me insane. I have learned to go with it. To stay in my lane and follow the rules. If I follow the rules whether I like them or not, she leaves me alone. I don’t think she is out to fire me or get me in trouble because I do what I am supposed to do. And when I don’t do what is required of me, I take responsibility for it (this was not always the case, I just learned this a few months ago). Others have been written up for not following the rules, then go and blame her for the problem. They take it personally and believe she is against them.

I have found that if you take responsibility for your actions and consequences people will trust you more. You have to be willing to trust others first. People don’t trust you if you don’t trust them. I confronted my boss about the issues I was having with her. The meeting did not go well at all. She wrote me up from confronting her. I left feeling like she is against me and doesn’t care. Since I felt unsettled about the meeting, I took a good look at myself. I took responsibility for my part of the “failed” meeting and apologized. In the end, the write up never went into my file. She and I also communicate much better now.

4. Argues Quickly and Easily

People that play the victim will argue over everything. They feel it is not their fault and other people are wrong. This causes them to argue and debate every situation because it doesn’t suit their needs or wants. I know I have done this in the past and sometimes now. I am working on listening before I speak. It is a hard thing to do. Not every feeling of disappointment or hurt requires an argument. This weekend I argued with my boyfriend over cleaning. It was his weekend to clean and he didn’t do it when I wanted him to do it. I felt like the victim and started an argument. The argument went nowhere because I had no real merit for my anger.

When we stop playing the victim we don’t argue about every little thing that bothers us. We tend to examine the situation and have a different reaction that doesn’t always lead to a fight. Allowing ourselves to acknowledge we may be wrong or we may be overreacting creates space for us to not be the victim.  

5. Their Life is Lacking, Nothing is Good Enough

They tend to blame their lack of something on other things. An example would be that they are stressed about money yet they are the ones that made the decision to quit a job or spend money they don’t have. A lot of women blame their loneliness on the fact that men are worthless and horrible. My question is what are these people doing to cause themselves to not have the money or attract a good man? We attract what we want by the energy we put out. If you are always playing the victim you will never be able to appreciate a good thing when you have it.

I used to blame my failed marriage on my ex-husband. It was his fault that we got divorced. He didn’t try and he cheated. I lacked a good marriage because he was incapable of being the husband I needed. However, after some deep consideration, I realized that it was my fault too. I was controlling and quite frankly a bitch. I can’t expect to have a fantastic relationship when I am a controlling bitch.

Our lives lack certain things because of our energy or attitude towards certain situations. Now, there are people who actually are lacking because of external circumstances. That is why we have the black lives matter movement and people fighting for the rights of underprivileged people.

What’s Next

Stay tuned for the how to turn your life from Victim to Victor.



Why I Left My Mom

The Beginning

I was close to my mom especially when I lived with her. She and I got along fairly well. My mom has a disorder that affected me and my older sister growing up. It was not easy to handle at times. I eventually moved out and lived on my own because i needed distance from it. I visited her and my step dad when I wanted too. I spoke to her on the phone. The relationship wasn’t perfect. It felt as though there was resentment towards her that made the visits and phone calls rough. Eventually, this issues took a toll on me. Especially, when she and my step dad wanted to have a child together. I argued and fought with her about this for 2 years. The thought of her raising a child with the disorder was not easy for me to understand. She could barely raise me and my sister, how could she take care of a baby?

The Break Up

Anything I said about her having a baby just started an argument. Neither of us was happy and it was adding distance between us. She went ahead with having the baby anyway. The baby was due in 3 months. I was going through a nasty divorce and wanted advice from her, I was desperate to make my marriage work even though it was a lost cause. Her response was not what I wanted to hear. I felt as though she took my husband’s side instead of being there for me. It killed me. I already felt alone and beaten down. I didn’t need her to take his side. (later, I found out her point of view) What did I do? I broke up with my mom. I let her go and do her thing. While I went and did mine. I had to find myself again after losing my marriage. I had to restart my whole life over again. I was angry at everyone and everything. My marriage failed because my husband found someone else. I lost a lot of friends because they were his friends. It was not a good place to deal with a new sister.

The First Few Months of Space

My mother was not happy about the break up because I just stopped talking to her. I didn’t return phone calls or messages. She hadn’t listened when I needed support for my marriage, so I didn’t think she would understand why I couldn’t speak to her anymore. My stepdad became angry with me as well. My entire family wanted me to reach out to her. It was something I could not do. I needed this space. I needed to find myself. I needed to let go of all the anger and hate I felt inside. My little sister was born shortly after the break-up. I couldn’t bring myself to see her. I didn’t want anything to do with my sister or my mom. I didn’t want my new sister to go through what I went through as a child. I didn’t want to feel helpless when the time came to support her through all the terror that could happen.

Towards the End

This break-up last about 9 months. The last 3 to 4 months, I had started to relieve the pain and resentment towards my mom. My boyfriend at the time had been through worse stuff than I had and he still was great friends with her. I wanted that with my mom. I wanted to forgive my mother so we could have a good life. One of happiness, peace, and trust. I knew it would be hard and I knew it wouldn’t be easy. I was still not ready. I am not sure I was ever really ready. I kept reading BOOKS that helped me change my perspective on life. Eventually, I did what my soul told me I needed to do, reach out to my mom. It started with a handwritten letter that I mailed to her. I told her the reasons I stopped talking to her and that I would contact her soon when I was ready. I needed her to know that it wasn’t going to last forever.

In the End

My mother and I started talking again. It was on my terms and about what I wanted to talk about. I was still not comfortable about having a little sister so we kept that to a minimum as well as other hot topic conversations. It has been 7 years since the break-up and our relationship is something I would never have imagined. She and I talk about everything and anything. She has helped me through so many times as I with her. There are things she has told me that only she and her life coach know. I have grown to forgive her for many, many things. I began to understand that my mom was not taking any sides in my failed marriage, but she took the side of the marriage. She has been with my stepdad for a long time. She knows a thing or two about making a marriage work. It is a wonderful and amazing relationship we have now. The break up helped give us the distance to understand each other in a more profound and harmonious way.

My Little Sister

You are all probably wondering what I decided about my little sister. Well, she and I have a great relationship. I don’t see her often as we live in two different countries yet I facetime her when I can. I even surprised her one Christmas by coming to visit. She is lively, silly, and cute. Her life is something I could have only dreamed of when I was a child. My mom is a different parent to her. What I thought would happen was the complete opposite. My stepdad and mom do everything they can to provide for her in every way. I couldn’t be more happy to have her as my little sister. I don’t regret missing her first years of life because I am present in a more profound way now than I ever could before.

What You Can Learn From This

Family is no exception to taking a break from them. WE can take breaks from anyone we need too. Sometimes the break or separation is temporary to help us find ourselves first. If we don’t have ourselves in a good place, nothing will change. If I had never taken a break from my mother i wouldn’t have the relationship she and I have now. I probably wouldn’t know my little sister the way i do. You have to take care of yourself first, especially with family. If you are struggling with what to do with a negative or hurtful relationship whether it is family or friends, walk away for a little bit and work on yourself. You may find that you can go back and things will be different. You may go back and find nothing has changed. It happens. Yet you will never know if things will be different if you don’t take space to find out.

Relationships are about growing together

Relationships require growth and movement. From my experience, a relationship doesn’t last if both partners don’t grow TOGETHER. All my past partners knew this. The relationship fell apart because we didn’t grow together. It happens when the energy and commitment of each person don’t match.  I never truly understood this until recently. Here is the list of ways partners can grow together. This is only limited to my view and there are many other ways. (Feel free to let me know what ways you grow together with your partner in the comments)

4 Major Ways We Grow Together

  1. Listen, communicate, and understand each others feeling . We all have feelings and we all see different aspects of the other person they may not see. We should be able to talk freely about how we feel. The last conversation my fiance and I had was about our dog, Nina. I felt as though he wasn’t taking responsibility for her needs. He likes the idea of having a dog, just didn’t want to take care of her. We talked about this, without anger or resentment. We came from a place of understanding which allowed him to see how much work I was doing with Nina. He is now a different puppy father than before. He does the same with me. When he is upset about me about something, he talks to me, I listen.
  2. Put yourself in their shoes or look into your past and how you felt. I make more money than Jonathan by about $300. That means that I wind up paying for more things than he does. It seems a bit unfair, right? I spent a good 2 months trying to figure out how to make this fair.  I did two things, put myself into his shoes and looked at my past relationships. Looking into my past relationships is what gave me the answer. My ex-fiance in the states made way, way more money than me. He was always telling me to make more money. I found this frustrating because it was not easy for me to just make more money. Which is the same situation Jonathan is in with me. So, instead of insisting that he make more money, I gave him options. Option 1: find a way to make more money (which is not easy for him) or Option 2: do more housework. His response to doing more housework was not verbal. His face told me everything. His face said “you want me to what? Clean more than you? I don’t know if I want to do that.” His response was “yes sure but if I do make more money, can I do less housework?” Of course.
  3. Accept others decisions. In relationships, we all have to make decisions. We talk about the decisions and get each other’s perspective. Both Jonathan and I have made decisions about jobs. He has left 3 jobs since I have known him. Everytime he wants to do this he talks to me about it. I told him as long as he can still pay his portion of the bills it is fine with me. He has done just that. I wanted to use my blog to make money which will require more time from me during the evening and weekends. He asked some questions and I started working. We trust each other that what we pursue will work out the way the universe wants it too. This allows us to both feel free within the relationship.
  4. Give your partner space to think. When each partner has space to think and process it allows them or you to grow. It is not always easy to remember to take or give space. When Jonathan’s tone of voice is a certain way I know to go do my own thing to allow him space. He doesn’t always take space for himself. He allows me space to think when I ask. It is a lot easier for me to take space because he works longer hours than me. I have an hour before work and and hour sometimes more after work. Saturday’s are generally all for me because he works 6 days a week. If we don’t allow our partners space to process how can they grow? They can’t.

There are many more ways to grow as a couple. These are the 4 major ones for mine and Jonathan’s relationship at this moment. Our relationship has been able to overcome many adversities because of these 4 ways of being with each other. Not only do I do it with him, he does it with me. I find when one of these fails, that is when we have a breakdown in our relationship. It makes the relationship harmonious.

Inside Out and Emotion

Why movie reviews?

I LOVE movies. I want to start reviewing movies that I find inspirational or thought-provoking. I used to watch movies and have deep conversations about the movies with my ex-fiance. It is hard for me to find someone that enjoys decoding movies after watching them. They are another way to connect with our inner selves. They can be used to question and change our ways of thinking if we look deeper into the stories being told.

Inside and My Classroom

Recently, my students have been having trouble with their emotions. They are beginning to express their emotions in many ways. This is causing the students to react to others in ways that are not positive. One student is dealing with a parent dying from cancer. Another student has parents that do and say negative things to him. They all have something that is happening in their lives that they have emotions to that they don’t know how to deal with.

In class, if someone is angry, they hit, pinch, or push the other student that is bothering them. It is hard for them to understand they need to respect others emotions. Two things happen here… The person who is angry has trouble releasing the negative energy in a more positive manner. The person doing the bothering does not understand they should stop what is they are doing. It is a never ending cycle. I do what I can to promote talking and growth. It is not easy sometimes because they are not having the same reinforcement at home. I can teach them and inspire them. They will look up to me for guidance, but the parents are the ones that they will learn the most vital lessons they need to succeed in life.

Since I still need to do what I can as the role model of teacher, I chose to watch Inside Out as a class to create a conversation with my students. Here is what how I chose to do this…

Inside Out is the perfect movie to explain emotions in many different ways. At first, we watched about 30 minutes worth of the movie. I paused the movie and we talked about the characters in the movie. Specifically, the “emotions”. My students responded with Joy, Anger, Disgust, Fear, and Sadness. I wrote the names on the board and asked for other words to describe the same emotions. They responded with happy for joy, mad for angry, yucky for disgust, scared for fear, and down for sad. I asked them to show me what each emotion looks like with their body. We went through them one by one. While they showed the emotions, I asked what they should do if the person looks like that emotions. I chose to ask this question because when someone is angry or scared, they tend to not change their actions toward the person. Someone would have a face full of anger and continue to bother them, causing the person to push or hit.I could see some of my students faces light up like a light bulb. Something clicked in them after connecting the video and the acting.

Two things stood out to me for my students as we continued to watch the movie. First, we react to different emotions differently. When one emotion is the strongest emotion, we tend to make decisions based on that sole emotion. In the movie, anger took over because he had had enough. This caused the little girl to steal money and run away. She thought going back to where she came from was the only option to be happy again. This was the perfect way to ask them questions. They can relate to this because they do the similar things when they are angry or fearful. They answered questions like how could having such strong emotions drive us to make poor decisions? Why would running away because of anger hurt those around you? What could we do to have different experiences when full of emotions?

Second, Joy spent the entire movie stopping Sadness from touching the memories. Joy didn’t want the memories to turn sad. Joy thought the other emotions weren’t as good as her. That she needed to be the main emotion. Towards the end of the movie, Joy and all the other emotions realized they can work together to make the girl live a better life. When the emotions came together, the students realized they could work with their emotions for the better.

I do not know if what they learned will stick with them or not. I hope that they learned something. If not all of them, one of them. It is amazing what students can learn when watch movies, if we create conversations with them.


What could you teach your kids or yourself from the Inside Out movie?

Small Talk and Empaths

Small talk is a polite conversation that doesn’t use deep or controversial topics. We generally use this type of conversation when we first meet people. You might use it on the bus with people next to you or for a first date. Small talk can be asking about the weather or what the person is doing today. There is no real substance to the conversation. It’s mainly about observations.

Person A- “What do you think about this weather?”

Person B- “It is really windy. So, the dusty is flying everywhere”

An empath is a person that can feel and experience different energies around them mainly from other people. Empaths are very deep. They are able to feel emotions, energies, and sometimes physical symptoms from other and things. It makes being out in the world hard because they take on everything around them.

What do Empaths and Small Talk have to do with each other?

Since Empaths are deep people it makes having small talk difficult for them. Empaths want to talk about real situations within the world. They want to talk about the experiences affecting them or others around them. Small talk is a very shallow type of conversation and because of this Empaths HATE it. It is difficult for an Empath to feel sadness or anger from another person and talk about the weather. It feels fake and uncomfortable to talk about something so trivial as the weather when there are deeper issues or conversations that could be talked about.

How can hating small talk can affect an Empath?

Empaths hate and/or have trouble with small talk. This can cause Empaths to be isolated. They want to connect on a deeper level. Since most people don’t want to go as deep as an Empath, it makes it hard for them to have friends. Small talk is essential to having friends. If someone can’t have small talk it makes it very difficult to keep people around.  

Small talk feels fake to Empaths. This shows when having conversations with people. Even though people don’t have deep conversations, they can feel when a person is being fake. This comes across like the Empath is lying or hiding something. In reality, they are. They are hiding their real intentions of wanting to have a deep conversation about life or emotions. In order to have small talk, an Empath needs to have a conversation they don’t feel is true. Again, causing people to pull away.

Can an Empath have a lot of friends without small talk?

I am not sure. Since I am just learning what it’s like being an empath, it’s hard for me to say. I don’t have many friends. I seem to rotate between being alone and having friends. The small talk is what I have the most trouble with as an Empath. I hope to find this answer out as I learn what it’s like living as a deep and emotional person that feels everything.