I didn’t always have self confidence. For the majority of my life, I was a outgoing and appeared confident. However, that was not the case. Deep inside, I was crying for attention from myself. Instead of looking within and finding myself, I chose men and other things to focus my attention on. For years, i continued to neglect my true self. I ignored the problems I held deep within. Unless you were my close friend or relative, you never knew. After my divorce, I had hit rock bottom. I knew I needed to really find myself or I would have the same thing happen again. I hated how I felt. I hated feeling lonely, used, and betrayed. I started to do these 7 things. It was not a quick fix. It was something that took years of practice and determination to gain the self confidence I have now. Some were easier than others to achieve.
1. Take Time for Yourself
This can look different for different people. It could be taking that vacation you have been putting off for years. It could be as simple as taking a bath with candles. There are so many ways you can take time for yourself. At first for me, it was taking baths and going to the movies alone. As time went on the time was spent differently. During my college years, it was taking space from men. I only spent time with woman. I moved into an apartment with 3 other woman and really understood what the power of having girlfriends was. Within the last few years, it has been quitting my job and moving to a foreign country alone. Depending on where you are in your journey of self confidence will depend on what taking time for yourself looks like.
2. Set Yourself up to Succeed
When you succeed at something that isn’t easy to do, you learn what you are capable of. This is a major part of setting yourself up for success. Start small. If you are learning self confidence (in the beginning) you may not want to move abroad solo. This may be too big of a step for you to begin with. There is no way I would have been able to move abroad 10 years ago. I would have been frustrated and moved back home. Gradually increase the activities and situations you put yourself in. Try not to do too much as one time. Set small goals you are able to achieve. Or set a big goal with little steps to get there.
3. Exercise often
Exercise is the best way to increase endorphins and stay strong. It has helped me release energy and stay focused. I notice a huge different in my overall well being when I do not get a certain amount of exercise in a day. Running, swimming, or any other increase adrenaline activity can help you stay positive. It helps your body stay in shape as well. If you have trouble with this like I do, I suggest an exercise buddy to keep you motivated. My buddy is my dog. She needs to run so I run around the yard with her. The days I don’t do this with her, she eats things she isn’t supposed to. This helps both of us stay in shape and mentally in a good place.
4. Take Care of Your Hygiene
This may seem like it has nothing to do with self confidence. However, it does. This is a huge part of feeling good about yourself. If you aren’t washing your hair or brushing your teeth regularly, you tend to feel down and depressed. The first thing i do when i wake up is take a shower. There was a few days we didn’t have water, and I couldn’t do this. I had to push through the feelings of yuck and grime. It is so important to feel clean. It is a basic need so making sure you met that need is important. It’s the foundation of self confidence.
5. Dig Deep Within Yourself
This is probably the biggest, hardest, and most helpful thing I have done to gain self confidence. I took courses to help me discover some deep rooted issues from my childhood that kept my self confidence low. Some of which were the Landmark Forum, Justin Sterling’s Woman’s course, and attending the Institute for Hermetic Philosophy. Reading books was another way that helped me understand what self confidence looks like. All of these courses and books helped me understand what was stopping me from loving myself and not allowing myself to have better than what i was giving myself.
6. Act Positive
Acting positive is different than thinking positive because it allows you to put into action positivity. I started
7. Say No
Since I always wanted to be around people for fear of being alone, I never said no when I should have. Being able to tell people “No I can’t do that” without giving an in depth reason why and NOT FEELING BAD is one of the most self rewarding things you can do. I began to trust myself in ways I never knew i could when I started saying no to things that didn’t suit me. Just simply say NO. Justifying or feeling bad about saying no takes your power from you so you lose self confidence. DO NOT BE AFRAID TO SAY NO! Again, start with small things you want to say no too and move to bigger things. This takes practice as it is scary to do if you have never done it.