I have written two posts on this topic in the past. I am learning a deeper meaning to that because sometimes F*@# yes isn’t enough. (At least for me)
Someone can do everything possible to be with you because you are exactly what they want. You can be a F*@# yes for someone and it is awesome. It does need to be a two-way street. If one person isn’t a fuck yes for the other, it can cause resentment and disappointment.
As you all know, Jonathan was a fuck yes for me, for a long time. Since we took the trip to Nicaragua things have changed. I love him and I care about him, but I need more. I am still a fuck yes for him, and he keeps doing everything he can to win me back. (Yes, we broke up about a month ago.) He is trying to feel energies. He is trying to have deeper conversations with me. And it just feels forced.
The energy I want isn’t there. I don’t feel the connection or understanding that I want. It is possible her could learn; I know that.
However, don’t want to wait because it is not a guaranteed thing to happen. We are still friends so if he accomplishes it I will know.
In the meantime, I need to stay true to myself. I have said this before…. I need to be a fuck yes for my needs and wants. If I did everything I could to make it work and still wasn’t happy with who I was becoming; it’s my responsibility to leave. Taking responsibility for myself is the main priority. I cannot lose myself just because I want something to work.
A F*@# YES isn’t enough for me because I need connection and depth. I need someone who asks questions and doesn’t give up until they find the answer. If I am stuck when I am writing, I want someone who can create a conversation to inspire me to write.
I had the fuck yes with Jonathan, but not the depth I want. Shortly after we got engaged, I wrote an article about taking marriage seriously. I talked about things I wasn’t sure about. With time, I knew the answers would come to me. And they did.
Again, don’t settle for something mediocre. Fight for what you want in every way. Whatever you want, find it. If I never get married because I didn’t find everything, I am okay with that. Just because society tells you what you need or want, doesn’t mean it is true.
Ask questions and find everything you want…. F*@# yes… can be more. Sometimes F*@# Yes isn’t enough.