For most of my childhood into my teenage years, I thought that I was an extrovert. I craved attention and was always the life of the party. I would do random stuff like play pocket twister in the middle of the mall with my friends. I was never happy. It seemed right. It seemed as though I was living the perfect life.
When I was married, my then husband and I would go out drinking having fun. I had so many friends. On my wedding day, I had bridesmaids that were my best friends. You know, living life. All while I was dying inside. I had no idea what I needed and I never took care of myself the way I do now.
After my divorce, I started to dig deeper within myself. I wanted to be happy. I wanted to take control of my life. All those bridesmaids I had disappeared (except my sister). Two of which I had been friends with for 20 years.
Seriously, I lost everything. My marriage, my friends, and life as I knew it. I was devastated. Not because I lost everything, but because I didn’t know who I was anymore.
I had to figure out how to give myself love. I had to find who I truly was deep inside.
It all started with… Self Love.
I started giving myself love in small ways, like getting my nails done when I was having a hard time. I was learning how to truly love myself. I was not always the cleanest person, so I started making sure my care was clean and my house was clean. I started making sure I was eating healthier foods. So many little things I never did to love my body and my mind.
After a time, that self-love grew deeper. I began to forgive my family and myself. I let go of what happened in my marriage. I owned my mistakes and put myself in his shoes. I came to peace with many aspects of my childhood.
I acknowledged that fact that I am not an extrovert. Deep inside, I am an introvert. I crave my alone time. I NEED the space to feel my emotions and process my thoughts. I HAD to learn to be who I truly am.
Being an introvert is different than an extrovert.
Extroverts need to be around people to recharge and feel fulfilled. Introverts need time away from people to be with themselves. The self-love for each type is so different. Introverts like me need to go on dates with themselves. While extroverts need to go out an socialize.
Self-love is as hard as it is. Giving yourself the wrong type of self-love can be damaging to your entire life. It took me years to figure this out. I actually figured this out when I took the Myer’s Briggs personality test in College.
The test told me I was an INFJ. The “I” stands for an introvert.
I was shocked and blown away by this. I didn’t want to believe it. I thought I was an extrovert my entire life. After some thinking and manifesting, this changed the way I saw myself, which changed my life.
I think all the self-love I was doing before I took that test was preparing me for the shift I needed with my mind. I knew in my heart for so many years that I wasn’t an extrovert. When I began to give myself love, I began to see things differently. So, after the test results, life made sense. Everything was complete. My mind, body, and soul where one.
I knew who I was at that moment.
I found my true self. The work didn’t stop there though. I am still working on the self-love because self-love is a never-ending process. I am learning new ways to show myself love for my personality type and for my needs.
If we can’t love ourselves truly, we can’t love others truly.
It all starts with… Self Love!!