Classes have been out for two weeks now. It has been a rough two weeks. The first three to four days, it was great and amazing. I felt free. Since then, it’s been a bit low for me. I have been crying, sleeping, avoiding people, and feeling useless. I have been having a difficult time dealing with some stuff in life. A few things have attributed to this.
I started birth control again. After a Birth Control free year, I decided I needed to start taking it again. The last three months, I have been getting headaches. Headaches so bad I couldn’t function. No medicine, even migraine medicine would help. It made it very difficult to work on the website, spend time with Nina, or focus on teaching. The migraines would happen three to four times a month and last two to five days.
Headaches can keep anyone from living a full life. They hurt so bad you can’t open your eyes. They are so often you can’t call out of work. It is debilitating. Birth Control has kept my headaches gone in the past so starting BC again is what I need to show my self-love.
When we are exposed to energies and difficult situations, our bodies are subject to constant fight mode. If we can’t get away from it for a long period of time it builds up. When we do get the space we need, we have to detox all the energies and feelings we weren’t able to let go of.
During the school year, I had some difficult students. They drained me in more ways than one. I wasn’t able to decompress enough during the school year. So, the last eight days have been very emotional for me. I have been wanting to sleep and avoid people because I couldn’t do that during the school year. I wanted to stay home and take time off so I could take care of myself. With a teaching job that isn’t easy to call out of work.
Now, I am not around the students and I can finally let my self release all of that tension. To do this, I need to sleep and stay at home as often as I can until I feel free from the energies.
Dealing with the past
When I was little, how my mom and dad were with me has shaped how I feel about myself now. My dad based my allowance on how well I did in school and took that way depending on how I kept my room clean. So, therefore I never had an allowance. When I got older my mom didn’t help me with money as much as she did my sister. Both of these led me to believe I am not “good enough” to make money. I am not “good enough” to have anything good in life that costs money.
Recently, I started applying to teach online to make extra money during the summer to pay off some debts. It has been a struggle because I know teaching online will help me achieve the goals I have. My ideas of money from the past are keeping me from doing so. I have to deal with this feeling of not being good enough to fully live the life I want.
It’s okay to feel the way you feel.
When someone is going through a lot of changes it is okay to feel the way they feel. I have been feeling sad, down, unloved, and many other feelings. I have been making sure I give my self-love even if I don’t feel it like I normally do.
I allow myself to cry, stay alone, and give myself credit for the small things. Even though I am not functioning at 100% my best, I am functioning. I tell myself… thank you for playing fetch with Nina outside, thank you for eating a salad instead of eating a burger, and thank you for cleaning the dishes in the sink.
All of those things may seem small and unimportant, but when you are struggling those things are the simplest and biggest way to remind yourself that you are okay and you won’t die. There are so many other small activities I have been doing that allow me to be with what I am feeling. If I need to cry for an hour to release the sadness, I do it. If I need to sleep for 4 hours during the day, I do it.
THE MOST IMPORTANT THING…. IT DOESN’T LAST FOREVER!! If you allow your self to feel it and go through it, it goes away. I promise. I am slowly getting back to the normal me. Each day, I become a better me.
You can do it too!!
You can make it through your difficult times just like me. Self-love, appreciation, and doing the best you can all make a huge difference in dealing with change. I didn’t run from it. I didn’t hide from it. I am dealing with it by changing my mindset, loving myself, and being patient. You can do the same.
Remind yourself that you area phoenix burning so you can be reborn again stronger and more beautiful than before! You are superwoman and it is okay to be down. We all have our kryptonite. It doesn’t last forever!