Year: 2019

Magical Things Happen When…

Manifest Your Life

As I begin to make changes in my life, ideas and situations come to me that I need. I am letting life manifest itself as I move into a different point in my life. I find that if I manifest while I am hustling magical things happen.

I have been working hard on changing jobs so that I can have more flexibility with my time. I have been worried about how I will make ends meet for the first few months during the transition. In my mind, I know that I am worth the life I want, so I went within and found myself in a place of tranquility and calm. This allowed a way for me to make it happen. It’s not long term answer, but it is a solution for the time being. It gives me an extra few months to get things up and running.

Also, I was able to come up with some ideas for the blog. I don’t know how that will take a form or how I will make it happen. However, I am positive when the time is right the new ideas will launch and achieve amazing results.  

Be Positive

When creating the life you want or making a change that is scary the best way to keep you going is to be positive. I know it is hard to do when times are tough or when you are faced with the unknown. I struggle with it all the time. I do have friends, family, and the blog to remind me that everything will be okay. 

If you don’t have someone in your life that doesn’t help you stay positive, you can always read inspirational stories like the ones in my blog or find read an autobiography from your favorite person. There are so many inspirational people out there including me that could help you through a tough patch. 

Listen to Your Heart

Get quiet, feel your heart, and listen. Your heart will tell you what’s meant for you. It doesn’t happen when your mind is full of chatter. Calm and quiet your thoughts so you can listen and feel your heart. 

It is easier to make life changes and manifest them when you know what your heart is saying and feeling. There are things that I want and I know what is important when I feel my heart. I may have to forgo those things because my heart knows it isn’t time for that yet. Events and situations happen at the right time. Even if something bad happens there is a reason for it. They happen to give us a push to make a change whether internal or external. 

Life is Beautiful

Life is beautiful in every situation. It may seem it is difficult or depressing or downright horrible, I guarantee there is something to be grateful for. Whether is a sunset or a beautiful rainbow during the rain, there is always something to find. 

I live in paradise, but life isn’t always sunshine and roses (not literally). I struggle and go through difficult times more often than I’d like to admit. When those times happen I find something little to be grateful for. The smile of the person walking past me or Nina’s excitement when I get home are things I am grateful for always. Sometimes we have to make our own beauty. We can do that by cooking ourselves and an amazing meal, or painting a picture, or take a bath. There are so many ways we can create beauty and gratefulness.

I challenge you… 

Find something to be grateful for for the next two weeks. Write it down and post in on the fridge (or place you will see it often). Find beauty somewhere in your life. Be aware of your surroundings and find something you find beautiful. Write about it or take a picture and share it with a friend. Whatever it is you can be grateful and find the beauty in every situation.

Letters to Loved Ones

My favorite picture from when I was younger. Those are my Memom’s hands.

When you miss someone in your life because the time was cut short due to death or other circumstances. Writing a letter to someone from your past is a great way to move forward and build closure. It is also a way to get the thoughts out of your head and into the universe. Writing is a great way to give self-love.

Memories

Memories from the past can always be with us. We may not remember them every minute of every day, but they are there, in our mind. We have memories of childhood, adolescence, and adulthood. Some amazing memories, some sad and painful, they are always part of us. 

We all have those moments in our lives that we have close to us. That special moment with a grandma or grandpa, sister or brother. Moments that we can never get back because of a death or loss of some kind. 

Memories whether good or bad can give us a sense of hope or perseverance. 

My grandmother who was the backbone of our family when I was younger passed away unexpectantly when I was nine years old. I know that she is always here with me. She is cheering me on from the afterlife. I have a sense of hope and perseverance knowing that she will always protect me in some way or another.

I was reminded that our family and friends are always with us in spirit no matter what happens. They are with us, in memories and spirit. I have so many memories from the past that I hold near and dear to my heart. Those memories will never be forgotten. 

I wrote a letter to my Memom.

Today, I saw the new live-action LION KING. It brought back so many memories for me. When the original Lion King came out a long, long time ago, I saw it with my Memom. It was my first time seeing a movie in the theater. I went to see it alone because it wouldn’t be the same seeing it with someone else. 

Seeing the movie was a sad and rewarding experience. I was able to remember my Memom and the first time we spent in the movie theater seeing The Lion King. So, I decided to write her a letter. I missed having her present for so many events in my life.

Dear Memom,

I know you have been watching from where ever you are. You have seen me grow and change in so many ways. You have seen me teach my self through high school. You have seen me nanny some amazing children over the years. 

I know that I am not perfect and I have made some mistakes. You have seen me learn from a broken marriage to leaving a life I was fighting to survive in. I battled and won depression. I found myself and you saw me do it all. 

I don’t know what life would be like if you were here. I would hope that you would be proud and excited about the work I have done to become the woman I am today. I would have loved for you to have seen me walk down the aisle or been there to comfort me during the divorce. 

Even though I couldn’t experience your physical presence, I know you were there spiritually. You always are with me because I tattooed a fairy sitting on the moon for you. I never wanted to forget the times we had.

Remember when we handed out food to the homeless man in the park on Thanksgiving? Remember when you used to buy Jodi and I scratch-off lottery tickets? Remember the last New Years we spent making a fort out of the boxes from daddy’s move to WV? Remember making steak and salad every Sunday? 

We had so many good times. I loved reading Grover Sleeps Over and Barney before bed. I remember my toes used to be so cold, but since the bed was so comfortable it didn’t matter. I still have my Grover and white bear. You remember the time when I tore my blanket and cried until you fixed it and returned it to me? Or the times you made my Halloween costumes? Like the tube of toothpaste with lampshade cap that hurt my head? 

These are the memories I will carry with me forever. Thank you for always being there for me when I was little. You mean (meant) the world to the entire family. My mom and sister loved you as much as I did. I know they miss you every day. Daddy and I miss you the most. We talk about you all the time. Every anniversary, we reminisce about the times we spent with you. 

I love you. I miss you. And you are in my thoughts. I learned how to give without taking from you. You taught my daddy so many things that he taught me over the years. Life is good, Memom. 

Love you forever,

Ashley

P.s. One last thing I remember… Do you remember when we stopped at Checkers? You know the time we had no gas but magically the gas tank filled up to ⅓ left? That is a time I never forgot. We had a great day that day. We had a moment together that was magical. I have taken that with me because things like that happen to me all the time. Is that you watching over me making sure I am making the most of my life? Protecting me in some way from the afterlife? 

If it is… thank you. 

This is my Memom, Daddy, and Pepop at my parent’s wedding.

What a Weekend!

It has been a pretty socially fulfilling this weekend. My friends from Liberia came to spend the night and go to the beach. We laughed, had a cookout, and spent time on the beach. It was amazing. I finished my first week teaching online with Open English.

Open English

I started teaching for Open English last Saturday. I took the job so I could make some extra money during the summer to pay off some bills. In the past, I never wanted to teach online. I am in a new place now so I thought I would give it a try. It’s only for a few months during the year. 

I have been loving it. I have a set schedule, but I can pick up classes whenever I want too. I don’t need to leave my house. I can walk Nina during the day. It’s been super nice. It doesn’t pay a whole lot, but it is enough to supplement my current income. 

The shifts are two hours long. The classes are from 25 to 27 minutes each. So, I teach 4 classes a shift. I have between 1 to 4 students in each class. The students are kids ranging from 8 to 14. They may be younger or older, but I haven’t had any. They are from Spanish countries as far north Mexico and as far south as South America goes. (I didn’t study South American geography.) The student understands and speaks basic English or higher.

Friends came to visit. 

They came Saturday night. We went grocery shopping for food to grill out on the porch. They don’t have a grill so I thought it would be a nice treat for them. We made rice and beans and tortillas in the house. On the grill, I made mixed veggies and chicken. It was a nice spread of food. We devoured it. We had great laughs about nipples and life. We didn’t go to bed until way after midnight. 

We woke up early on Sunday. They helped me with my VIPKid summer teacher showcase video, cooked breakfast, and prepared for the beach. Once at the beach, we went swimming, took a nap, played with Nina, and enjoyed each others company. It was a really relaxing day. We got to meet some new people who are staying at the Westin Hotel by the beach. 

Nina was in heaven. Her favorite place is the beach. She gets scared of the water, but she has come a long way. She entered the water alone quite a few times. Nina, however, gets too excited when people run and play with her. So, she had to take a rest from playing to control herself. 

One of my friends was sick. She toughed it out and made it through a great day at the beach. We had a great day despite the sickness. I love seeing her so it was so worth it! (even if I do get sick)

We had another wonderful dinner after the beach. We bought some fresh red snapper and fried it whole. Prepared some veggies and rice and beans to go with it. It was a great ending to my time with them. 

Unexpected Job offers. 

I get paid in a few days, but I had some unplanned purchases this month making my money very tight. I have $5 to last me the next five days. I was budgeting it out so I can make sure I have the cash I need on hand. The budget was going to work. I was happy. I wasn’t stressed. I was making it happen. 

To top off the end of the weekend, I got two jobs offers today. 

Job One

I get a message around 1:30 p.m. from a babysitting company I occasionally work for. She wanted to know if I could work that evening from 8 p.m. until midnight. I replied no questions asked, “YES!”. I will make a few bucks that will help me feel more comfortable for the next four days. 

Also, I love working for the babysitting company because I get to see some places I couldn’t afford to see on my own. This place is at the new W hotel on Playa Conchal. It has been here for like 6 months or so. Very upscale. 

I get paid for transportation since I don’t have a car. So, when it’s late at night I pay Jonathan to take me and pick me up. We had the run around trying to get on to the W hotel property. They had us go from one gate to another. And He couldn’t drop me off at the main entrance. I had to walk from the employee entrance. It was a mess. We had a huge laugh about it. Definitely, well worth it. The hotel is GORGEOUS! 

Job Two

While on the way to the W hotel, I got a facebook message from a friend of mine. They wanted to know if I could take over their position at a local club. It’s not paid (as far as I know), but it is a huge network of amazing woman that I have come to love over the last two years here. I am going to have to speak to her later this week for specifics. 

I am not sure any of the specifics like how much time she spends working on the club, if it pays any (I am sure it doesn’t), or anything else. I only know what I know from the participation I have with them. There is probably so much she does from behind the scenes that no one sees. I am pretty open to the possibility of being the leader. 

I love volunteering and being apart of the community. This group does so much for the locals here in Costa Rica. It is super amazing and I couldn’t imagine not having this group in my life.

What is it you need?

Around this time last year, I wrote my self a letter. I gave myself love by telling myself things I used to look to others to tell me. Being in Costa Rica has shown me how to love myself even more. It is such a wonderful feeling to be able to tell yourself exactly what you need to hear when you need to hear it. It is even more amazing when you do what you need for yourself when you need it. It’s self-love!

What is it that you need to hear?

I challenge you to write a letter to yourself. In the letter, tell yourself what you need to hear. Give yourself all the love that you crave from other people. Make it as short or as long as you need. Post it in your house and read it every day when you wake up. Really EMBRACE and BELIEVE what you write. Dig deep inside and write what you really feel. 

What is it that you need to do? 

I challenge you to do what you need to do. Do you need to change your job? Do you need to go on a date with yourself? Do you need to start the book you have always wanted to write? Do you need to take your dream trip to Europe or Thailand? Maybe, it is deep cleaning your house. (I needed that so I did it today) Whatever it is, BIG or SMALL, DO IT! Take some time to meditate and dig deep within your soul to see what you truly need to do. 

It will give you confidence!

Doing those two things will give you the boost of confidence you might need. I do them on a regular basis. I may not write a letter to myself every day, but I do tell myself what I need to hear. It boosts my confidence and enables me to be less attached to people’s words of encouragement. Don’t get me wrong, there are times we need encouragement from other people. Last week, I needed to hear from my mom something I had been struggling with. I had written about it and gave myself love. 

Doing what you need gives you peace of mind. It helps you relax. Every few months, I need to deep clean and organize my house so that my thoughts and outer world are consistent. I am now feeling order around me. I started two new jobs teaching online to make some extra money to pay off bills and create savings. 

Share the Love!

After you are full of self-love, share it. There are so many different ways to share the love. You can volunteer in your community. Recently, I volunteered for a local castration event for Dogs and Cats in the area. It was something new and it was so rewarding. I was able to share my inner love with the animals recovering from surgery. 

You can have a bonfire or get together with some close friends (or new friends). You can write a letter to someone who needs uplifting. Maybe a single mom struggling at the local shelter or even for the entire shelter. You can send a care package to military people overseas. 

Just give back the love you now have within! It will come back to you double!

Remembering the Phoenix Inside

Have you ever made decisions in your life that took you to a place you’ve never been? Everyone has at some point in their life. That is what the last two years have been like for me. One decision after another that is a life-changer. The biggest one being moving my life to Costa Rica. 

Sometimes I look back at what I had before I made the move and I miss it. I miss my SUV. I miss the comforts of the US. I miss my friends. I miss IHP. I miss my family. I wonder what life would be like today if I had stayed in the States. 

Would I be the same person I am today? 

I don’t think I would be the same person I am today. Making the move started something in me that has gone away. Writing and working toward a self-love coaching business has grown into something I never had imagined when I started writing 2 years ago. If I had stayed, I wouldn’t have this amazing blog. If I had stayed, I wouldn’t have Nina. If I had stayed, I would still be living to survive. 

I am not always happy. I don’t always want to get out of bed in the morning. And I sure as hell don’t have the energy I had when I first moved here. I doubt my decisions (even though I would never change them if I had the chance). Life isn’t always sunshine and roses. There are so many people out there on their blogs that make life seem grand and wonderous all the time. I can’t do that because it would be a lie. The life we live is full of ups and downs. If we aren’t honest about the downs, how can we appreciate the ups? 

I don’t want to fool anyone.

This blog is about being honest with oneself. If I want to show you how to be honest with oneself, I have to do that too. I have to admit the mistakes I make. I have shared the downs in the past and will continue to do so because it is the truth. Even though I live in paradise, it isn’t always easy. 

I love living here and it is amazing in so many ways. I have beaches and it’s hot all the time. There is so much to explore and so many amazing people to meet. Volunteering opportunities are all around me. It is paradise here.

Paradise doesn’t equal happiness.

My outer world is full of amazing and wonderful opportunities. I have a wonderful dog that protects and loves me in ways I never imagined. I have a few close friends that allow me to be me and still love me no matter what. I have family that is here for me whenever I need them. My family and I talk on the phone often sharing what happens in life. Life is so fulfilling on the outside. On the outside, I live in paradise. 

One the inside, I am struggling. I am fighting demons that don’t want me to grow and live the life I know I can have. Fighting the thoughts of not being good enough are happening within me. I am battling constant headaches that keep me in bed most days. It’s hard to let people in because of the feelings I have inside. I wonder where it all came from. I haven’t felt this way in a few years. Even though, I struggled when I got to Costa Rica my internal self was strong. It doesn’t feel that way now.

Remembering the Phoenix inside

Last year, I hit a place in my life I never thought I would happen. That day I knew I needed a reminder that I can make it to where I want to be because how I felt that day wouldn’t last forever. I knew that I would have to burn to ashes again and again. I would have to work through more demons and thoughts. So, I got my Phoenix tattoo. 

It is visible. It is right where I need it to be. Every day when I wake up I see it. I am reminded that I will rise again, but for now, I need to fight and burn what I think I am to the ground. This will allow me to be reborn into the beautiful and amazing person I know I am deep inside. 

I am right where I need to be. Even though I miss aspects of my past, I do love my present. I love Nina, my friends, and family. 

In the struggle, I still have me.

In this struggle, I still have me. I am still amazed at the person I am today. Who I have become in the last two years hasn’t been for nothing. It has become a stepping stone for me to continue to grow into the wonderful woman I know I am.

The thoughts of feeling worthless and not good enough keep me pushing to achieve the next level of amazement. I don’t know when that will happen and it is okay that I don’t know. I am figuring out how much I am worth it. The struggle is allowing me to grow. It is creating self-love so deep that I am unstoppable. 

Self-love is important.

I wouldn’t be able to fight the way I do if I didn’t have the self-love I have. For all of you out there fighting an inner battle, know that self-love will be the foundation that will keep you standing tall. Great self-love mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually are key to winning the battle. I wouldn’t be where I am today if I didn’t show myself the love I do every day.

What is Self-Love?

sandy beach with blue water and a brown mountain.

I have been writing about self-love a lot recently. It is one of my specialties. Learning what self-love is took me a long time. I have come to master it in so many ways. Even during a difficult time, I know what to do to give myself the love I need to make it through.

Since I am a self-love specialist and have been writing a lot about the subject, I should probably tell you what self-love is. 

Self Love can take many forms.

Self- love is deep or shallow. There are so many ways someone can show themselves self-love. It can range from saying “I love you” to working through past trauma. It varies and changes depending on what is going on in a person’s life. I am going to break it down into different parts. You may be really good at one part and struggle with the other ways. 

You need all forms of self-love to live a happy and fulfilled life. It is easy to neglect one way and focus on others. The way to get the most out of life is to practice self-love in every area of your life. 

Physical

This consists of doing things for yourself that you need physically.  You would be surprised how often people do not take care of themselves physically. This is a basic need that should be met no matter what. There are way more ways than the ones listed below. This list is a starting point.

  • Take a shower every day. If you need twice a day.
  • Clip your toenails and fingernails. (I am not kidding you on this one.)
  • Brush and floss your teeth.
  • Do your hair. Make sure it is nice. If you are a man, get it cut regularly. If you are a girl, switch up the hairstyle every now and then.
  • Eat and drink healthy. Sometimes this means giving up smoking or drinking alcohol. 
  • Wear nice, clean clothes. I don’t mean dress for a black tie event. I am talking about having nice clothes. No holes, no dirt, no sweat stains, the right size, etc. 
  • Shave. For girls shave your legs, armpits, and other areas you like to shave often. For men, if you have a beard keep it tight. Here in Costa Rica, plenty of men actually shave their armpits as well. Since it is so hot it keeps them from smelling bad. 
  • Drink fresh water. I am not talking about flavored water or water with something added to it. If you need to add electrolytes as I do here, that’s okay because it can keep you from being dehydrated. 
  • Exercise. Whether it is running around the yard with your dog or running a marathon get active. There are so many ways to stay fit. Take an aerial yoga class, swim, or dance. Do what you can do. 

Emotional

Emotions can be intense or dampened depending on the person. They can vary in intensity too. Some people experience a ton of emotions (this is me) and others simply ignore them. One way or another they need to be understood and overcame. This can be done a bunch of ways. 

  • Let yourself go through the emotion. Cry or Scream if needed
  • Write down your feelings and emotions.
  • Talk to a therapist or someone you trust about what you are feeling and going through.
  • Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (They have apps for this) I have used this in the past and it is super helpful with understanding feelings, thoughts, and emotions.
  • Take space to deal with what is going on inside. Do breathing exercises. 
  • Tell people how you feel.
  • Walk away from people who are negative or harmful to you.

Spiritual

This one is the hardest for me to get now that I am in Costa Rica. When in the states, I had a school in NYC that I attended. Here is either cost a boat ton of money or during my workday. For me, the church doesn’t help anymore. I don’t want to get into that. Here are some suggestions for you.

  • A spiritual school
  • Church
  • Yoga/Meditating
  • Self-Improvement seminars 
  • Breathing Exercises

Social

This one will vary depending on the person. If you are an extrovert you may need more of this than an introvert. As you begin to understand what you need, you will notice how much socialization you need and when. This can be friendships and intimate partners. 

  • Take your self out on a date. Go to the movies. Plan a romantic dinner at your favorite restaurant. Give yourself the date you have always wanted.
  • Meet someone new or talk to someone new. Volunteer at a local food shelter and start chatting with the people there. Say “hi” to your neighbor that you never talk to. 
  • Try a new activity. Join a meetup for something you like to do. Join a book club or writing club. 
  • Move or visit another country. 
  • If you don’t hang out with a person of the same sex often, start finding friends of the same sex.
  • Do something for your partner, that they have been wanting for a long time.

Take Away

There are so many more ways you can create self-love for yourself under these different categories. You may struggle with one or two categories more than the others. How you give self-love depends on your personality types and what you like. For example, I am introvert, so if I have been very social for 3 days in a row, I may need some space for myself. I could get that space by watching a movie at home, watching the sunset alone, or getting my toenails done. 

Everyone can show themselves love and it’s the start of a better and more fulfilling life! Find your inner superwoman (or superman)!

**In a few weeks, I will be releasing a workbook to help with some of these areas. I am so excited to share it with you soon. So keep a look out for the release!

Difficult Times: It Doesn’t Last Forever

Classes have been out for two weeks now. It has been a rough two weeks. The first three to four days, it was great and amazing. I felt free. Since then, it’s been a bit low for me. I have been crying, sleeping, avoiding people, and feeling useless. I have been having a difficult time dealing with some stuff in life. A few things have attributed to this.

Birth Control

I started birth control again. After a Birth Control free year, I decided I needed to start taking it again. The last three months, I have been getting headaches. Headaches so bad I couldn’t function. No medicine, even migraine medicine would help. It made it very difficult to work on the website, spend time with Nina, or focus on teaching. The migraines would happen three to four times a month and last two to five days. 

Headaches can keep anyone from living a full life. They hurt so bad you can’t open your eyes. They are so often you can’t call out of work. It is debilitating. Birth Control has kept my headaches gone in the past so starting BC again is what I need to show my self-love. 

Detoxing

When we are exposed to energies and difficult situations, our bodies are subject to constant fight mode. If we can’t get away from it for a long period of time it builds up. When we do get the space we need, we have to detox all the energies and feelings we weren’t able to let go of. 

During the school year,  I had some difficult students. They drained me in more ways than one. I wasn’t able to decompress enough during the school year. So, the last eight days have been very emotional for me. I have been wanting to sleep and avoid people because I couldn’t do that during the school year. I wanted to stay home and take time off so I could take care of myself. With a teaching job that isn’t easy to call out of work. 

Now, I am not around the students and I can finally let my self release all of that tension. To do this, I need to sleep and stay at home as often as I can until I feel free from the energies. 

Dealing with the past

When I was little, how my mom and dad were with me has shaped how I feel about myself now. My dad based my allowance on how well I did in school and took that way depending on how I kept my room clean. So, therefore I never had an allowance. When I got older my mom didn’t help me with money as much as she did my sister. Both of these led me to believe I am not “good enough” to make money. I am not “good enough” to have anything good in life that costs money. 

Recently, I started applying to teach online to make extra money during the summer to pay off some debts. It has been a struggle because I know teaching online will help me achieve the goals I have. My ideas of money from the past are keeping me from doing so. I have to deal with this feeling of not being good enough to fully live the life I want. 

It’s okay to feel the way you feel.

When someone is going through a lot of changes it is okay to feel the way they feel. I have been feeling sad, down, unloved, and many other feelings. I have been making sure I give my self-love even if I don’t feel it like I normally do. 

I allow myself to cry, stay alone, and give myself credit for the small things. Even though I am not functioning at 100% my best, I am functioning. I tell myself… thank you for playing fetch with Nina outside, thank you for eating a salad instead of eating a burger, and thank you for cleaning the dishes in the sink. 

All of those things may seem small and unimportant, but when you are struggling those things are the simplest and biggest way to remind yourself that you are okay and you won’t die. There are so many other small activities I have been doing that allow me to be with what I am feeling. If I need to cry for an hour to release the sadness, I do it. If I need to sleep for 4 hours during the day, I do it. 

THE MOST IMPORTANT THING…. IT DOESN’T LAST FOREVER!! If you allow your self to feel it and go through it, it goes away. I promise. I am slowly getting back to the normal me. Each day, I become a better me. 

You can do it too!!

You can make it through your difficult times just like me. Self-love, appreciation, and doing the best you can all make a huge difference in dealing with change. I didn’t run from it. I didn’t hide from it. I am dealing with it by changing my mindset, loving myself, and being patient. You can do the same.

Remind yourself that you area phoenix burning so you can be reborn again stronger and more beautiful than before! You are superwoman and it is okay to be down. We all have our kryptonite. It doesn’t last forever!

Part Two: How Do We Find Out What Needs to be Changed?

This is part two of a series about change. Last week, I wrote about the signs you may have when you need to change things in your life. This article is about how to find out what needs change. There are so many things we could need to change in our life. It could be our jobs, relationships, diet, or anything in between. 

So, how do we find out what needs to be changed? It could be everything needs to change or just one aspect. Here is how I find out what needs to be shifted. 

Meditate

Meditating can help you calm your mind of all the junk thoughts. It can relax your body and mind so you can get past the emotions. Our emotions can cause us to think irrationally and make decisions that aren’t based on reality. When we take the time to meditate with Yoga, breathing, or any other calming activity, we create a sense of space for ourselves to dig deep. 

If we are always angry, upset, or irritated our decisions will be based on those energies as well. Maybe the emotions and feelings are coming from a sense of ego and you just need to adjust yourself. Other times the emotions and feeling like anger and sadness are from outside forces telling you it’s time to move on. 

Feel Your Energy

Feel what’s going on inside of you. Where are the emotions and energies coming from? Our ego or other people? As an Empath, I take on energies from everyone. Some are harder for me to separate from my own than others. If I take into account that I am calm inside, but I still feel these things so maybe it is the environment that I am in. 

It can be hard for someone to feel these energies and take a step back if they don’t meditate. That is why I suggest meditation as the first step to understanding where the changes should occur. We know what we need to do for ourselves, we just need to trust ourselves and find out where it’s coming from. 

Take Some Time Away

Distance is a good way to see what you need to do. If you leave your job for the weekend and you are feeling a sense of relief, but still have anxiety it could mean you need to switch jobs. I have been in jobs where I love being at work. I look forward to going every day even if there is stress. 

If you are with a significant other and you are unsure of the relationship, adding some space can help you clear your mind and see what you really want. 

Space is always good for finding out what is the cause and what is not. If you have an allergy to milk, the only way to find out if you do or not is to stop drinking or eating milk products. If your symptoms go away then you know it was the milk. The same thing goes for other areas of our lives. 

Again, beware of leaving a situation. It could be your ego that needs to change, sometimes. 

Talk It Out

Not sure what to think, talk to a trusted friend. Tell someone you are really close to that would give you unbiased support. If you are having issues with your job, don’t talk to a co-worker who may have the same anxieties. If you aren’t sure about your relationship, talk to someone who may not know everything about that person, such as family. 

Talking it out can give you some ideas that you didn’t have words for. It helps you get the thoughts out of your head and into the world. If you don’t have anyone to talk to writing it out can be just as helpful. Or do both, talking and writing. I love talking to people because they could give you a perspective you didn’t know. You may think that leaving your job for another similar job in the area isn’t an option, but there may be another option someone else knows. The universe will give you when you need it, you just need to be open to it. 

Pros and Cons List

I use this to write down all the reasons to do or not to do something. It gets the thoughts organized in my brain. I can physically see if there are more pros or cons of making a decision. If I have more cons than it probably is not a good decision to leave or make the change. 

Take away

With all these combined, you can make an informed and sound choice on what you should do to live a better life. Deep down, who really wants to live a mediocre or unfulfilling life? You deserve to live a great and meaningful like. To have that life, you need to change. Don’t be afraid to make life-changing decisions. We only grow after we go through something rough and break down the ego around it. 

I challenge you to go out and make a change in your life. Look at the areas that no longer suit you and do something about it. I promise if you do it for the right reasons (even the bad reasons) you will change as a person. Just stay open to whatever could happen. Manifest the life you want and live it. 

It all started with… Self Love

For most of my childhood into my teenage years, I thought that I was an extrovert. I craved attention and was always the life of the party. I would do random stuff like play pocket twister in the middle of the mall with my friends. I was never happy. It seemed right. It seemed as though I was living the perfect life. 

When I was married, my then husband and I would go out drinking having fun. I had so many friends. On my wedding day, I had bridesmaids that were my best friends. You know, living life. All while I was dying inside. I had no idea what I needed and I never took care of myself the way I do now. 

After my divorce, I started to dig deeper within myself. I wanted to be happy. I wanted to take control of my life. All those bridesmaids I had disappeared (except my sister). Two of which I had been friends with for 20 years. 

Seriously, I lost everything. My marriage, my friends, and life as I knew it. I was devastated. Not because I lost everything, but because I didn’t know who I was anymore. 

I had to figure out how to give myself love. I had to find who I truly was deep inside. 

It all started with… Self Love.

I started giving myself love in small ways, like getting my nails done when I was having a hard time. I was learning how to truly love myself. I was not always the cleanest person, so I started making sure my care was clean and my house was clean. I started making sure I was eating healthier foods. So many little things I never did to love my body and my mind. 

After a time, that self-love grew deeper. I began to forgive my family and myself. I let go of what happened in my marriage. I owned my mistakes and put myself in his shoes. I came to peace with many aspects of my childhood. 

I acknowledged that fact that I am not an extrovert. Deep inside, I am an introvert. I crave my alone time. I NEED the space to feel my emotions and process my thoughts. I HAD to learn to be who I truly am. 

Being an introvert is different than an extrovert.

Extroverts need to be around people to recharge and feel fulfilled. Introverts need time away from people to be with themselves. The self-love for each type is so different. Introverts like me need to go on dates with themselves. While extroverts need to go out an socialize. 

Self-love is as hard as it is. Giving yourself the wrong type of self-love can be damaging to your entire life. It took me years to figure this out. I actually figured this out when I took the Myer’s Briggs personality test in College. 

The test told me I was an INFJ. The “I” stands for an introvert. 

I was shocked and blown away by this. I didn’t want to believe it. I thought I was an extrovert my entire life. After some thinking and manifesting, this changed the way I saw myself, which changed my life.

I think all the self-love I was doing before I took that test was preparing me for the shift I needed with my mind. I knew in my heart for so many years that I wasn’t an extrovert. When I began to give myself love, I began to see things differently. So, after the test results, life made sense. Everything was complete. My mind, body, and soul where one. 

I knew who I was at that moment.

I found my true self. The work didn’t stop there though. I am still working on the self-love because self-love is a never-ending process. I am learning new ways to show myself love for my personality type and for my needs. 

If we can’t love ourselves truly, we can’t love others truly. 

It all starts with… Self Love!!

Life Requires Change: Part One

Playa Ocotal Sunset

In order to keep true to yourself, you need to know what’s not working for you. Sometimes we think what is best for us is staying where we are. And other times we just need to make a change and get outside the box. Self-love is being able to say no when something isn’t working and have faith to find what will work.

Signs you need a change

Change is needed to give yourself the love you need. There are many signs that I have noticed over the years that show me something needs to change. There are different reasons a person might want to change. As I have stated in past articles, some change is done because we are running from something. Another change is done because our soul needs it. Here are some signs your soul wants some adjustment. 

Too Tired

You may need a change when you are tired all the time. You work a long day and all you want to do is sleep and watch tv. You don’t enjoy the things you used to enjoy because you are too tired to go do them. You stop cooking healthy meals because you are too tired to cook them. There are so many things we don’t do because we are exhausted. You can sleep 12 hours a night with a nap in the afternoon and still be exhausted. Being tired all the time is a sign that your soul needs a rest. You are not living the best life you can. Your soul needs a rest from something you aren’t giving it. 

Angry or Depressed

When we are not living our best lives, we aren’t doing the things we love. This can cause anger or depression. Possibly, both. Depending on the situation, you could be depressed because you know you deserve better. You could be angry because you feel that you have no other options. It comes down to our souls wanting to be free. We feel caged and trapt in our situations with no way out. Or we lie to ourselves saying we need to stay where we are. If we are truly living, we would be happy, content, and awake. 

Fear of the Unknown

Fear of the unknown can keep us boxed into the life we are living. We don’t want to change jobs or move abroad or leave the person we spent so much time with. Change isn’t easy. It pushes us to grow and learn something. Fear of the unknown is a trap for so many people to stay where they are. We don’t want to leave the comfort zone because what lies ahead isn’t a sure thing. When we fear something so much we deny it, it can be a sign of needed change. Our soul knows that something great is on the other side of the change, yet we don’t want to do it because it is scary. 

Relationships don’t seem to matter

When I need some change in my life the relationships in my life seem like a lot of work. I don’t want to go out. I don’t want to message them. I just don’t want them. We are spending so much time on denying we need change that we don’t have the energy for what is important to us. We distance ourselves from the people we love because we are too exhausted to give them the love and attention they need or want.

Physical sickness

Headaches, stomach pains, or any other sickness that doesn’t seem to go away. Even weight gain. These can all be stress related issues due to not giving yourself enough self-love. It’s our bodies way of telling us that something needs to change. I know for me, when I get sick I try to find out the root cause. There are things I know my body needs, so I can change my diet, add more exercise, do more breathing. When this doesn’t work, I have to look at other areas of my life that are causing me unneeded stress. Physical sickness combines with all the above can be a huge sign that something needs to change. 

Stay tuned for Part Two: How to find out what needs to be changed. Coming Soon!