Category: Personal Development

You can BE YOURSELF

Being yourself in a world full of people telling you how you should be is difficult. You have TV programs that give you an image that you need to find love or success. You have commercials trying to sell you that cream to get rid of wrinkles or the perfect hair dye to cover up the gray hair. You have magazines giving you tips on how to find the perfect relationship. It can be overwhelming and frustrating to be yourself with all this information bombarding you all the time.

I am here to tell you it can be done. YOU CAN BE YOURSELF even in this materialistic world. I have been able to BE MYSELF even when the world tells me otherwise. It takes practice, self-discipline, and awareness to make it happen.

For the last 7 years, I have been digging deep within myself to let go of what the world tells me I need to be. I have been truly answering the tough (and easy) questions like who would I be if I never drank alcohol and who would I be if I never had children?

There have been so many questions that took me hours to years to answer honestly without the weight of the world. There are things I used to do that I thought I needed to do because everyone else around me was doing them. Dying my hair, getting married, drinking and partying, and having the most clothes to name a few.

Here is how I did it…

Making a List:

I wrote down all the questions I had. This allowed me to see and organize the different questions. Then I grouped the questions together and did research to find the answers. I started with reading personal development and spiritual books. When books didn’t provide the answers I attended workshops and events that promoted a different perspective.

Meditating:

Meditating was and is one of the main ways for me to find answers. Most of the information you want to know is already within you, you just have to quiet your mind to listen to the soul. Meditation allowed me to be within myself and not in the world. Meditation took place as breathing exercises, yoga, and body relaxation techniques. All of these allowed me to process what I was learning in books and workshops. It gave the power of thought back to me.

Limiting Media:

Limiting what you watch and listen too can have a huge affect on being able to be yourself. This can happen in many ways. Watching Netflix instead of TV so you don’t watch the commercials. Listening to Pandora Premium so you can go ad free. Not watching the news and choosing which articles you read online. Giving yourself a time limit on how much time you spend on social media and watching TV and movies.

Change your mindset:

Changing your mindset is the biggest and hardest thing for you to BE YOURSELF in this world. It has to be done. You have to go from I NEED the WORLD to I NEED ME! I have come to understand that I don’t like drinking, dying my hair, or having the most clothes. Those things don’t make me happy. Deep down, they give me a feeling of unease and neediness. I have given up many activities so I could feel content and elevated. They were things I did because everyone else does them. It wasn’t who I was or wanted to be. I learned that I can have fun and let go without drinking. Allowing me to be free to be myself. I will always have ME, every second and minute of the day for as long as I live. People and things are temporary. If I make myself the priority over people and things, it gives me a happier and more fulfilling life.

It CAN BE DONE!  I am proof. Living the life you truly want is possible. I encourage you to make a list, meditate, limit media, and change your mindset. Give yourself time, love, and patience. Find the people who live as you want and spend time with them. You are more important than anyone or thing in this world.

Dating in Costa Rica

Dating in Costa Rica, I have found to be complicated. There are specific criteria that I want in a man.

No lying, no cheating, spiritual understanding, personal depth, independent, and willing to work on themselves.

The level of spiritual understanding and depth in men here is limited. Don’t get me wrong there are some good men here. There are men that don’t lie or cheat are here, just hard to find. Jonathan never lied or cheater, but his spiritual and energetic understand is very low.

From my understanding, men with a higher educational background tend to be more highly evolved. They have some knowledge of higher thinking. I think it allows them to think outside the box and question things in their lives a lot easier than men with lower educational background.

Don’t get me wrong this seems like I am stereotyping the men here. I have talked to and dated a good diverse background of men here. There are probably some men that defy this fact, I just haven’t met them yet. Even locals have told me that if I want to find a guy that has more of an open mind than I need to find someone with higher education.

Cheating and lying happen at all levels. It can happen with doctors, tourist guides, or fishermen. It is just part of their culture for some reason I don’t understand. I have met quite a few men that don’t do this. There are just more that do than don’t.

Since I live in a tourist town, it is easier to find people who are here on vacation than people who live here permanently.  There are a lot of bars too, but I don’t drink. They aren’t my scene.

So, what does a girl do?

She uses tinder.

Tinder isn’t perfect because a lot of men want just sex, are on vacation, or live far away. It does allow me to see a few things.

  1. It allows me to be picky about who I talk to. I can easily stop talking to them if things don’t go the way I want. If I am not feeling a conversation, I can just ignore them. If I like the conversation, I can keep it going and possibly meet them in person.
  2. I don’t have to see them if I don’t feel comfortable.
  3. Blocking a number is much easier than blocking a person. (which I have had trouble with in the past)
  4. With Tinder, you generally are talking to more than one person, which gives perspective on the different types of people. I have enjoyed seeing how the different guys are in terms of depth or neediness.

So far, I haven’t met anyone in person. I am not sure this will be the way I meet that perfect person I am looking for. It is worth a shot so I can understand more about the culture of the men here. I am open to what it may bring. Maybe it brings a travel buddy or a good friend. It is a learning process.

F*@# Yes…. isn’t enough

I have written two posts on this topic in the past. I am learning a deeper meaning to that because sometimes F*@# yes isn’t enough. (At least for me)

Someone can do everything possible to be with you because you are exactly what they want. You can be a F*@# yes for someone and it is awesome. It does need to be a two-way street. If one person isn’t a fuck yes for the other, it can cause resentment and disappointment.

As you all know, Jonathan was a fuck yes for me, for a long time. Since we took the trip to Nicaragua things have changed. I love him and I care about him, but I need more. I am still a fuck yes for him, and he keeps doing everything he can to win me back. (Yes, we broke up about a month ago.) He is trying to feel energies. He is trying to have deeper conversations with me. And it just feels forced.

The energy I want isn’t there. I don’t feel the connection or understanding that I want. It is possible her could learn; I know that.

However, don’t want to wait because it is not a guaranteed thing to happen. We are still friends so if he accomplishes it I will know.

In the meantime, I need to stay true to myself. I have said this before…. I need to be a fuck yes for my needs and wants. If I did everything I could to make it work and still wasn’t happy with who I was becoming; it’s my responsibility to leave. Taking responsibility for myself is the main priority. I cannot lose myself just because I want something to work.

A F*@# YES isn’t enough for me because I need connection and depth. I need someone who asks questions and doesn’t give up until they find the answer. If I am stuck when I am writing, I want someone who can create a conversation to inspire me to write.

I had the fuck yes with Jonathan, but not the depth I want. Shortly after we got engaged, I wrote an article about taking marriage seriously. I talked about things I wasn’t sure about. With time, I knew the answers would come to me. And they did.

Again, don’t settle for something mediocre. Fight for what you want in every way. Whatever you want, find it. If I never get married because I didn’t find everything, I am okay with that. Just because society tells you what you need or want, doesn’t mean it is true.

Ask questions and find everything you want…. F*@# yes… can be more. Sometimes F*@# Yes isn’t enough.

Recipes to Make Life Easier

Recently, I have been wanting to make my life a little easier. One of the ways I have been doing this is by planning my meals ahead of time. Sometimes I cook and freeze a bunch of meals on Sunday. And other times, I put my meal plan on the refrigerator. Either way, it saves me time thinking about what to cook for dinner. Allowing me to focus my energy on other tasks.

I wanted to share my favorite recipes to inspire you to simplify your life by planning and/or cooking ahead. Here is a list of my goto recipes for a quick meal.

Baked Oatmeal

This is my go-to for breakfast because it’s so simple. You mix all the ingredients, pop it in the oven, and wait.  May cook this on a Sunday and eat it until Tuesday or Wednesday. This recipes normally lasts me (one person) about 3-4 days. Baked Oatmeal is so tasty and delicious. It is healthy and filling as well. Click here for the recipe

Arroz Con Atun

This is a recipe I have started using since I moved to Costa Rica. It is a one pot deal. Quick and easy. Less than 15 minutes depending on how long the rice takes to cook. Unfortunately, all the recipes I found online are in Spanish and none where exactly how I make it. This recipe makes enough for dinner and lunch for me. I eat this with potato chips. You can always double the recipe for more people or more meals. (This recipe may be a little hard for people in the US to make as two of the ingredients may not be available)

  1. Add rice, oil, and salt to a rice cooker (can be done on the stove according to directions on package). While the rice is cooking heat frozen vegetables in a pan or microwave.
  2. Once the rice is cooked, add tuna, vegetables, ketchup, and seasoning. Mix until well combined. (You can add more ketchup on top if you want for extra flavor)
  3. Serve with potato chips or toast.

One Pot Chicken, Rice, and Broccoli

A simple and easy recipe. I love it because it’s healthy. It does take an hour or so to cook. With that said, I think that it could be an option for the slow cooker (not tested). There isn’t much mess to clean up because it is all in one pot. It is useful to have leftovers for lunch the next day. I haven’t tried freezing it, so I am not sure if freezing is an option. Click for recipe here.

Make Ahead Freezer Breakfast Sandwiches

This recipe is super easy. You make them ahead of time, put them in the microwave, and eat. It is better than the store bought ones because you have control over the type of ingredients you use.  You can use bacon, ham, or both. If your vegetarian, you can add vegan meat, or veggies to your sandwich. IT’S COMPLETELY CUSTOM! Click here for the recipe.

Cold Pasta Salad with Tuna

This is a recipe I make when I am short on time and I have nothing planned. It’s simple, easy, quick, and tasty. I normally eat this with potato chips. This recipe lasts me for lunch and dinner.

  • 1 small can of tuna
  • ½ bag of pasta shells or macaroni
  • ½ small onion diced
  • 1 small cucumber chopped
  • 1 small carrot shredded or diced (optional)
  • 1 cup of mayo
  • Salt and pepper to taste
  1. Cook pasta according to package. Cut onion, cucumber, and carrots while the pasta is cooking. Once pasta is ready, wash with cold water.
  2. Add all ingredients into a large bowl and mix. Put into the fridge for 15 or more minutes to chill.
  3. Serve with potato chips and enjoy.

I hope you enjoy these recipes. Leave a comment below with your favorite recipe. I would LOVE to hear what your go to dishes are!!

How to stay TRUE to YOUSELF

Staying true to yourself is the most important and loving thing you can do. It isn’t easy because we can forget ourselves in the activities that we do. I know that I am one to forget myself. Over the past few years I am staying true to myself more and more. It can take many forms, some harder than others. The harder the task the more deeply I grow within myself. It is a beautiful, peaceful, and rewarding event to do.

Someone close to me has been having a hard time staying true to himself (or listening to himself). He has become sad and angry because he was scared to do what he needed to do for fear of losing me. I wanted to share with you the ways I have learned to listen to myself.

1. Say NO!

Saying no is a huge deal. When someone says “no” it can upset other people. If I don’t want to kiss on the first date, I will say no. Saying “no” gives you POWER. It also can show you about the other person. When someone hears “no”, they can either respect that or push you. If a person can’t handle hearing no isn’t your place to give in and do what they want. You lose respect for yourself.

DON’T GO AGAINST YOURSELF TO PLEASE SOMEONE ELSE! Say NO and MEAN IT

2. Set Boundaries and Stick to them

Know what your limits are and don’t break them. If I don’t like sleeping in the same bed with someone, I need to set that boundary with my partner and keep the wall up. This does two things. It lets me know that I AM IMPORTANT and WORTHY of my personal space and needs. Second, it let’s the other person know how they need to RESPECT ME. If I am constantly breaking my own boundaries, it will shows others that I am weak and will cater to them. PEOPLE WILL TAKE ADVANTAGE!

3. Know what you want and why

One of the only ways to stick to NO and your boundaries is to know what you want and why. I know that I can’t sleep in the same bed with someone for more than 4 days because it causes me to lose my energy and strength. I become irritable and lazy. Since I do not want to feel that way I set these limits and I say NO. KNOW WHAT YOU WANT AND WHY YOU (truly) WANT IT! This is such an important factor in being able to do the first two points. You LOSE YOURSELF every time you don’t know what you want and why.

The why is just as important as the want. Knowing why gives you strength during those times you need to say no. Knowing why creates a strong bond within yourself because there is complete clarity.

4. Never lose yourself for someone else

This is probably one of the hardest to do. It creeps up slowly. You do this by giving in to tiny things over and over again through time. If you love to volunteer and your partner doesn’t, you may find yourself slowly finding excuses to not do the charity work you always did. Going to see his parents one Tuesday night instead of volunteering at the local soup kitchen, turns in to canceling three or four times to never going again. THIS HAPPENS ALL THE TIME! If you love dancing around the house when you feel an energy flow, but are too afraid of what your partner will think (if they live with you), DON’T STOP! You want to keep this part of you because it is the part of you that loves and breathes. It is who you are at the core. Yes, it is true people can help you find yourself. If you are doing it because you know deep inside it’s better than who you were before.

5. You don’t need to care about the same things are your partner or friends

It is okay to have different interests. Why would you want to spend all your time doing stuff together? I used to do EVERYTHING with my ex’s and friends. I never did things I liked to do because it was easier to go along with the ride. I learned over time that having different interests kept distance in the relationship. Distance isn’t a bad thing. It can create desire and a chance to miss the person you love. Jonathan rarely does things without me. This caused a great deal of tension in the relationship because he wouldn’t put his needs first. Instead of going to basketball every Wednesday, he would watch movies with me all night. I know he wants to get the exercise and hang out with friends, but he was afriad to leave my side. (I never wanted to go because I am not a big fan of basketball.)

It is PERFECTLY FINE to not like or care about everything your partner does.

6. Walk Away when needed

If something doesn’t suit you any more for whatever reason, WALK AWAY! Do not stay in a relationship because you are afraid to lose love, money or attention. Only be in a relationship if you feel it is what you need to do for you. If someone is disrepecting you constantly, leave them. If you know you need to move out the house because you need space to think. DO IT! Staying in a relationship that doesn’t serve you on a deeper level is more damaging to your soul than leaving. Leaving when you feel trapped is freeing and can open your mind to something bigger.

Take it from someone who spent 5 years with someone not following every bullet mentioned in this article. When the marriage ended, I HAD NO IDEA WHO I WAS! I cried. I felt lost and confused. It took me years to build myself up again. It was the best thing that happened to me. I wouldn’t let it happen again. It’s terrifying not knowing who you are because everything you thought you knew about you was gone. Gone because the one you gave it too was no longer around. STAY TRUE TO WHO YOU ARE! It is not worth losing.

(These can be used in intiment realtionships, friendships, or even the jobs we have)

Top 5 TedTalks

I have come to love TedTalks. The stories and information is transforming and inspiring. There is so much to learn and understand about the world and TedTalks allow us to have access to that information easily. I have five of my favorite talks listed below. I struggled with giving you an overview of what each talks about with our giving away too much information. I hope you enjoy. If there is a TedTalk you want to share with me, write it in the comments. I would love to watch your favorites.

This TedTalk talks about the link between desire and sex. How do we keep desire and sex alive in long term committed relationships? Esther Perel does just that in this fantastic TedTalk. She answers questions about why sex fades over time in most relationships. I am in awe of what she suggests and states in this talk. It is perfect and exactly what most people need to understand about relationships and how to keep them alive. Check it out and see what you learn. (about 20 minutes)

An amazing TedTalk by Dan Pallota that I did not expect. The title is “The Dream we haven’t Dared to Dream.” I was thinking it was going to talk about dreams we want to do that haven’t done yet. It was surprising about doing the extraordinary by living in two dimensions. Going deep and loving the world in a way you never have before. An inspiring and surprising talk. Watch the speech and see what greatness can be if we live our deepest dreams. (about 12 minutes)

Alyssa Monks talks about how she can find the beauty in the unexpected, sad, or unknown. From personal experience, I know what she is talking about. After moving abroad, I learned to embrace and love the unexpected, crazy, and unpredictable. It makes life more worth living. It makes life more alive. Listen to her TedTalk and find inspiration in the story she tells about her experience with her mom’s death. (about 13 minutes)

Brene Brown has an amazing Ted Talk about vulnerability. Her life’s work has been researching and finding what vulnerability is and how it affects us. She talks about what gives purpose and meaning to our lives. Connecting or the ability to feel connected is important and linked to purpose. It is a really amazing talk about the different aspects of vulnerability and connection. I would recommend this Ted Talk if you struggle with being vulnerable. Amazing and eye opening. Click Here to watch. (about 20 minutes)

An amazing Ted Talk about the difference between happiness and meaning. She goes into why chasing happiness doesn’t make us happy. We all want happiness but what creates a lasting happiness? Emily gives another perspective on happiness and how meaning is more important for you to find your happiness. Her pillars are the main four. Here is a brief overview of the pillars. To learn more listen to her Ted Talk by clicking here. (about 15 minute)

4 Pillars

  • 1 Belonging- comes from being in relationships that you are valued for who you are and you value others. Leading a life with LOVE!
  • 2 Purpose- Purpose is more about what you give and not what you have.
  • 3 Transcendence- Transcendence is stepping beyond yourself. The moments you feel connected to a higher reality.
  • 4 Story Telling- We are the storytellers of our lives. We can choose how we tell our story. People who tell their stories with a positive and changed attitude. Bad is redeemed by the good.

Reasons NOT to Compare your success to someone else’s

It is so easy to compare ourselves to other people. As I go through this journey with my blog, I find myself comparing my blog to others. This person has made a lot of money with their blog. That person has better content. That person spent so many hours working on their blog, do I need to do the same? Can I really be as successful as _____?

It’s normal to compare to see where you are. People do it all the time. But just because people do it all the time doesn’t mean it’s the best thing to do. It makes it really hard to stay on track sometimes. Our journey’s won’t ever look the same. What I do and achieve with my blog will be completely different than what Jay Shetty or anyone else does. We may have similar goals we want to achieve and at the same time, how we achieve them will never be the same. I can’t compare what he (or anyone else) does to what I do for a few reasons.

  1. Length of Time: We all start our goals at different times. Some started six or seven years ago, others one or two months ago. This gives each person a different perspective because they are on a different part of their journey. It takes time to gain follwers and build content. If I started 2 months ago, I won’t have all the content and knowledge that someone has that started 5 years ago.
  2. Experiences: In our lives, our past shapes us in many ways. My past will give me a perspective that you may not understand because you didn’t experience that. Using Jay Shetty as an example (because I love his work). Jay spent a few years in his twenties traveling around India and Europe living as a monk. This experience shaped his life. He uses the things he learned to support others with their lives. I have never been a monk so my perspective is a little different. So keep in mind our experiences shape us differently.
  3. Perspective: Since our experiences are different, our perspective won’t be the same either. I can understand where other people are coming from, but I still process that understanding from the lens I have from my childhood. We can all say the same things in a unique way. So many of my favorite personal development idols use different words and ways of being and doing as I do. Take Anthony Robbins, he has a more intense and in your face way of supporting peoples growth. Jay Shetty, on the other hand, has a more mild and free letting people know the truth. Both are effective, and both are from a different perspective.

It isn’t productive to compare yourself to someone else. Of course, you can analyze what they do to get a game plan for where you want to be or want to do. You can use them to inspire you to be the best you can be. You can even use their knowledge to give you direction. There is nothing wrong with that. DO YOU AND FIND YOUR OWN PATH! Create your own success and use what you know and learn. The universe will provide if you do what you need.

Victim to Victor: The Choice is Yours

A few weeks ago, I wrote a blog about identifying victim mentality. Here is the second part… Victim to Victor!

We all have a choice on how we want to live our lives. We learn how to be victims or victors from our parents and close family when we are young. If you are around people who play the victim, you will play the victim yourself. Same goes for being the victor.

Even if we learned something as a child we can…

WE CAN choose HOW WE WANT TO LIVE!

The first step is choosing to live a different life. To go from victim to victor, we need to work and learn a new way of being.  It takes time and patience. It took me years to get to the victor mentality I now have. Don’t give up.

Here are a few ways to turn your life into one of a victor.

  1. Motivating yourself and others

Motivation is a huge positive mindset adjustment for people who play the victim. Motivating yourself and others is a positive and encouraging things to do. It requires a certain mindset to authentically motivate others. There are so many people that have a negative aspect when motivating others to achieve their goals or live the life they want. When you learn to positively motivate others it changes how you see life.

My way of motivating people now is completely different than it was 2 months ago or even 6 years ago. I am constantly learning new ways to motivate people in the best possible way. As I look back on how it has changed, I see how I play the victim less and less.

  1. Being impeccable with our values and promises

Being impeccable with our values and promises, we begn to distance ourselves from the victim mentality to the victor mentality. This happens because, in order to be impeccable with our values and promises, we have to own the mistakes me make. For me, being honest is a value that is important to me. If I find myself not being honest, I own up to that and not blame others, moving from victim to victor. I take control of my actions. Same with goes for breaking rules. If I break rules at my job, it is no one’s fault but mine. So when I become impeccable with myself, I own myself. There is no room to blame others.

It is difficult to do. It is worth doing being you gain so many other valuable traits that make the difficult well worth the effort. If you want more on this reading “The four agreements” by Don Miguel Ruiz is perfect for you!

  1. Overcoming fears and obstacles with a positive and grateful mindset

Some look at fears with a negative mindset. This negativity creates a breeding ground for the victim mentality. When one is grateful for all obstacles they are able to see the greatness within themselves as well as others.  Allowing you to be the victor in many ways. I found this the quickest way to overcome the victim mentality. If these suggestions are difficult and daunting to you, this one is my favorite and most life-changing tool.

In the last 2 years, I have learned how being grateful and positive even in hard times can change my way of thinking in drastic ways. I am loving the energy and feelings when placed in certain situations now.  Try this for 3 months and see the transformation!

  1. Gaining new knowledge

Reading books, Ted Talks, or attending personal development events is a great way to open your mind to another way of being. Using what we learn in the books, Ted Talks, and events give us access to tools we can use to learn. Learning from our experiences and being open to a new way of living or seeing life can allow us to put ourselves in other’s shoes. Thus opening our minds to the victor mentality rather than staying the victim.

Search for books, Ted Talks, and events that are for personal development for the next 6 months. Practice the tools they give you and see the changes in your life.

Papaya

I live in this amazing place that has papaya everywhere! You can go to the supermarket, roadside fruit stands, or even from trees in random peoples yards. They are abundant and readily available. A light green or amber, thin skin that covers a bright orange fruit with tiny black seeds in the middle. It has texture is a mix between a ripe avocado and a cantaloupe. When most people eat the fruit, they peel the skin and take the seeds out.

Personally, I hate the fruit.  The texture and taste just do not sit well with me.

I know what your thinking… If I hate papaya, why am I writing about it?

Why Papaya?

As you all know from previous posts, I have issues with my digestion sometimes (or a lot). I saw a post on Facebook that gave the benefits of eating papaya seeds. One of them was for digestion issues and parasites. I was like “WOW! Let me try papaya seeds for my digestion.” So, I looked up recipes on how to take papaya seeds. There were a few!

The first one I tried was ground up seeds mixed with honey. I took about half a tablespoon. I COULD NOT SWALLOW!! The seeds have a horrible taste, super bitter and kind of spicy like pepper. There was no way I could take that. I thought it would be more effective this way. And it might have been if it wasn’t nasty to the taste.

The second recipe was simply putting the seeds in a smoothie. I added frozen pineaple, apples, banana and the papaya seeds in water. Blended it up. And it was good. I could taste the seeds a little and i could take it, no problem.

What I noticed…

I did this for a couple of days. I realized two things…

  1. If I add too many seeds it makes my stomach hurt.
  2. I did help me use the bathroom easier.

Since it helped me use the bathroom easier I thought “wow, these seeds work!” Fastforward to a few days ago.

I was having green stool recently. I thought “Something is wrong with my digestion because I haven’t eaten too many green vegetables (to turn my stool green). Let me take some papaya seeds and see what happens.” I have been drinking papaya seeds in my smoothies twice a day for 3 days now. It is working. My stool is starting to go back to normal. From what I read online, it takes 10+ days to help regulate your stool with papaya seeds.

Papaya seeds are looking to be a great alternative to some medicines. It has helped quite a bit with my digestion and it’s pretty amazing. Who knew the seeds from this fruit would have such a good affect on my intestines?

7 Ways to Build Self-Confidence

I didn’t always have self confidence. For the majority of my life, I was a outgoing and appeared confident. However, that was not the case. Deep inside, I was crying for attention from myself. Instead of looking within and finding myself, I chose men and other things to focus my attention on. For years, i continued to neglect my true self. I ignored the problems I held deep within. Unless you were my close friend or relative, you never knew. After my divorce, I had hit rock bottom. I knew I needed to really find myself or I would have the same thing happen again. I hated how I felt. I hated feeling lonely, used, and betrayed. I started to do these 7 things. It was not a quick fix. It was something that took years of practice and determination to gain the self confidence I have now. Some were easier than others to achieve.

1. Take Time for Yourself

This can look different for different people. It could be taking that vacation you have been putting off for years. It could be as simple as taking a bath with candles. There are so many ways you can take time for yourself. At first for me, it was taking baths and going to the movies alone. As time went on the time was spent differently. During my college years, it was taking space from men. I only spent time with woman. I moved into an apartment with 3 other woman and really understood what the power of having girlfriends was. Within the last few years, it has been quitting my job and moving to a foreign country alone. Depending on where you are in your journey of self confidence will depend on what taking time for yourself looks like.

2. Set Yourself up to Succeed

When you succeed at something that isn’t easy to do, you learn what you are capable of. This is a major part of setting yourself up for success. Start small. If you are learning self confidence (in the beginning) you may not want to move abroad solo. This may be too big of a step for you to begin with. There is no way I would have been able to move abroad 10 years ago. I would have been frustrated and moved back home. Gradually increase the activities and situations you put yourself in. Try not to do too much as one time. Set small goals you are able to achieve. Or set a big goal with little steps to get there.

3. Exercise often

Exercise is the best way to increase endorphins and stay strong. It has helped me release energy and stay focused. I notice a huge different in my overall well being when I do not get a certain amount of exercise in a day. Running, swimming, or any other increase adrenaline activity can help you stay positive. It helps your body stay in shape as well. If you have trouble with this like I do, I suggest an exercise buddy to keep you motivated. My buddy is my dog. She needs to run so I run around the yard with her. The days I don’t do this with her, she eats things she isn’t supposed to. This helps both of us stay in shape and mentally in a good place.

4. Take Care of Your Hygiene

This may seem like it has nothing to do with self confidence. However, it does. This is a huge part of feeling good about yourself. If you aren’t washing your hair or brushing your teeth regularly, you tend to feel down and depressed. The first thing i do when i wake up is take a shower. There was a few days we didn’t have water, and I couldn’t do this. I had to push through the feelings of yuck and grime. It is so important to feel clean. It is a basic need so making sure you met that need is important. It’s the foundation of self confidence.

5. Dig Deep Within Yourself

This is probably the biggest, hardest, and most helpful thing I have done to gain self confidence. I took courses to help me discover some deep rooted issues from my childhood that kept my self confidence low. Some of which were the Landmark Forum, Justin Sterling’s Woman’s course, and attending the Institute for Hermetic Philosophy. Reading books was another way that helped me understand what self confidence looks like. All of these courses and books helped me understand what was stopping me from loving myself and not allowing myself to have better than what i was giving myself.

6. Act Positive

Acting positive is different than thinking positive because it allows you to put into action positivity. I started with doing one positive thing a day. It became a habit and now I do it more often. This could be doing that project that you have been putting off for 3 weeks. Open up your body more by sitting up straight and having better posture. Yoga or deep breathing exercises. Smile or laugh more often. Open up your love. Give compliments to people you might not have in the past. Allow yourself to love freely. All of these things and many more help with self confidence. For me, it was adjusting my posture, giving more love, and do projects i had been putting off.

7. Say No

Since I always wanted to be around people for fear of being alone, I never said no when I should have. Being able to tell people “No I can’t do that” without giving an in depth reason why and NOT FEELING BAD is one of the most self rewarding things you can do. I began to trust myself in ways I never knew i could when I started saying no to things that didn’t suit me. Just simply say NO. Justifying or feeling bad about saying no takes your power from you so you lose self confidence. DO NOT BE AFRAID TO SAY NO! Again, start with small things you want to say no too and move to bigger things. This takes practice as it is scary to do if you have never done it.