Category: Personal Development

Scared to be Lonely

How many of you are scared to be lonely? How many of you go from boyfriend or girlfriend to the next? How many of you feel “worthless” without someone near? 

It happens to a lot of people. Me, included. Society tells us so many times that we need a family or someone to make us happy. We have romantic movies that tell the story of the woman needing a man for help or needing a man to be happy. We have music that is all about love and relationships and being with that perfect someone. There are even love coaches you can hire to help you find your true love (and they make thousands of dollars doing it). 

That is all well and good, but we can’t rely on someone to be with us every day and minute of our lives. Things happen. People have to go away for one reason or another. Sometimes it’s for work and other times it’s for emergencies with family. We need to happy to be alone because we are the only person who is there for us all the time, forever. 

Loving yourself first

My website is all about finding yourself and loving yourself. I want to help you be so confident with yourself whether you are single or not, you won’t be scared to be lonely. When we are afraid to be alone, it means we are afraid to be with our selves. I am building courses and webinars to give you yourself back. To be confident and amazed at how being alone (for long periods of time or short) can really be beneficial for you and the ones you love.

There are so many ways to love being with yourself. It is scary at first, but it is so amazing and rewarding. You have so much power and energy that you light up the room. You don’t care what anyone thinks and if someone doesn’t treat you right or isn’t aligned with your goals, you let them go without thinking twice. 

Scared to be Lonely

One of my favorite songs is called “Scared to be Lonely” by Dua Lipa and Martin Garrix. It is honest and real about what some of us face with being alone. Have a listen…

Some of the lyrics are questions… you know I love questions. They can really get you thinking about the relationship you’re in. Here are a few of my favorites.

  1. Do we need somebody just to feel like we’re alright?
  2. Are we scared to be lonely?
  3. Why do we keep coming back for more?
  4. Is it just our bodies, are we both losing our minds?
  5. Is the only reason you’re holding me tonight is because we’re scared to be lonely?
  6. How can we keep holding on when we know it wrong?

Questions need honest answers

If we want better, we have to answer the questions honestly. I have coached many people on how to have a better life in the last few years. The ones that succeed and achieve a better life are those that answer the questions that arise honestly. It is a struggle even for me to answer questions honestly. I know deep inside I can’t lie to myself because it will get me nowhere. The people who have grown from my coaching have dug deep within to find the strength to be honest with themselves about what and why they do things. 

Answer this honestly

Are you scared to be lonely? Are you with someone or in a situation that doesn’t work for you because you are afraid to be with yourself? Go back and answer some of the questions from the song. It won’t be easy and it will be worth it. Once you figure out the answers, the choices you make will be easier to do. 

It is not easy letting go. It is not easy answering questions honestly because once you’re honest, you have to act accordingly. I struggle with this many times. I know how hard it is to do. I also know how powerful and strong you feel after.

If you need a coach to help you ask questions and help you find the answers, message me. Remember, for my coaching to work you need to be honest with yourself and open to new ideas and ways of life. 

Going with the Flow of Life

Life ebbs and flows, just like the ocean. We have high tides and low tides. It is marvelous and gorgeous how life goes. Life gives you what you need when you need it too. I have learned this many times over. I am constantly reminded of going with the flow of life. 

Going with the flow and being observant

The tides flow and we should go with them, but we need to be observant of what’s going on around you. Since I am at the beach all the time, I need to be observant of the flows of the ocean. The ocean is a powerful force that can cause rip currents to take you out to sea, where you don’t want to be. Being aware of the ocean’s flow is important. It is the same thing with life.

We can easily get swept away into a situation that isn’t a good one. When the ebbs and flows of life bring you good or bad it is easy to overindulge or become too attached to the situation. This can take our judgment and good sight from us.

Experience life and Question

We want to experience life and live our best lives. It is key to a great and loving life. We do need to be aware of our inner voices and signs. You all know me by now, I have a questioner. I question everything all the time. It is what I do to understand the life around me. When I hear a voice in my soul telling me to be aware that there is a potential rip current ahead, I question and observe. 

Recently, I was talking with a guy. My soul told be watch out. So, as I talked to this guy for the last month, I questioned him to get to know how he thinks. I started to get more and more concerned about the guy, so I started asking questions about why he is a certain way. It gave me the answer, not just his responses. Responses can be deceiving, but if you combine actions, words, and responses, you can really see what the person is about.

Trust yourself

In the end, I stopped talking to him. Nothing happened, but between the responses, the words, and the actions, I decided he wasn’t worth my time. I didn’t want to see what was hiding beneath the words.

Trusting yourself is the most important part of going with the flow of life. When you feel danger may be near, use caution. When you feel danger closely approaching, turn the other way. When you feel safe, go for it. 

We can learn to read and listen to our warning signs. Sometimes they can be ignored like when I got robbed in Chile a few years ago. They aren’t foolproof. However, those experiences can be exactly what we need to find ourselves. 

Ebbs and Flows are good

We can learn so much from the ebbs and flows of life. It gives us the chance to see something different we might not have seen otherwise. Go with the flow, but be aware of the inner self.

Life is beautiful and amazing. 

Love goes a long way

I recently wrote a post about the importance of community. Since I last wrote it, I experienced some amazing community love. It really is amazing to be a part of a community even if it is a small one.

The little things

To be a part of a community, we should give back. It doesn’t have to be a huge thing. It could be a small or little thing, like asking “how are you?”. An example from my life that someone did for me was…. The other day I had a migraine. It was so painful all I wanted to do was sleep. Nina needed to walk so I toughed it out and took her to play with her friend for 15 minutes. When we got to her friend’s spot, my newly found friends were playing checkers. They could tell I wasn’t feeling well at all so they offered to watch Nina while I laid in the hammock. They also bought me tea.

I never did lay in the hammock, but I did drink the tea while I watched them lay checkers for a few minutes. It was their sweet gesture that made me smile. They are always looking out for me. 

I try to give that back to the community too. I am always asking how their day is. Soon, I am going to bake some cookies for them to have.  

Love goes a long way. 

Any gestures, big or small, go a long way. For my online TEFL community, I am always offering advice and hosting my home for them. I have hosted quite a few fellow TEFL alumni and it brings me joy to be able to help them out. 

Currently, I am helping a friend with her border run. She is staying with me. I helped her get to the Nicaragua border by telling her the bus schedule and showing her the beach. It has been such a blessing having her here. 

We have more in common than we knew. We both have our quirks and it’s wonderful. I am learning a lot about myself with her here. 

Go out and show the world your love

As I have said before…. Go out and show the world your love. Find your communities and give back. Make this life a good one and cherish the little love people give to you. Give that little love back.

Importance of Community

I have written about the sense of community and volunteering in the past. It really is important on a spiritual and mental level. I don’t know how people can live without a community surrounding them. I don’t know how I functioned for 6 months without the community of Brasilito. 

A Beach Clean Up with the Local Police

Community gives you a sense of belonging

When I lived in Brasilito before I had a huge sense of belonging. I had people I could go to for smoothies or support. I was always saying “Hola, como estas?” (Hi, how are you?) or “Buenas” (good morning). I knew everyone and everyone knew me even if it wasn’t a deep knowing. 

I felt like I belonged in this little town. I felt like I had a community there for me no matter what would happen. They could help me with anything I needed whether it be a smoothie date or company on the beach. Or just that pick me up “hello”. 

Having a town or village that surrounds you gives you so much more spiritually and mentally than most people realize. It gives you peace of mind knowing you have people to help you in need or people to go to with questions and concerns or just someone to say hi. It is something we all need and crave as a way of life.

Community builds love

I have so much love and appreciation for the little town I live in, but also for the world around me. I volunteer to teach English to someone in Jordan (in the Middle East). I have friends from all over the US and the world from my TEFL course

There are so much love and appreciation for different cultures and different ways of life. I am learning about other cultures in China and Jordan from teaching online. I am learning about the Spanish culture here in CR, but also abroad because of Open English. It is just amazing. 

I am consistently filled with love because of the openness and community of the many cultures that surround me. 

The building community can be far and near.

No matter where you are you can have a sense of community with others near and far. I have people that are close to me on a daily basis. I also have others that I know only through the computer. And the sense of community is the same. 

Yes, It is great to have people close to you to have for emergencies like taking care of your dog while you’re out of town. A friend of mine has been out of town for a month. She has had so much help and support while gone with her dog and her bills (most bills can’t be paid online here). My friend has expressed her gratitude and love of this little community we have here many times over the month. It is a wonderful experience. 

Nina and her New friend.

But… it can also be an online community. There is an online community of woman that I am apart of that is always there to answer questions and supports all women. It is based here in CR. They do community awareness events like beach clean-ups. They also support local businesses by offering discounts and some proceeds go to the local charities. I don’t know some of these women personally, but they are always there when someone needs support. Nina has even found best friends to play with, in our new community!

Go out and find your community

Go out and find your community, whether it be online or in-person. You will live a happy and connected life. Once you find that perfect community for you, you will have love and belonging. It is part of the self-love steps I’ve talked about before, mental and spiritual. 

Some communities may be geared toward physical and other aspects of self. Which is amazing as well. We need to fill our own selves up with what we need. 

SO GO OUT AND BE LOVE!

Manifesting Life with Positive Thoughts

Have you ever thought about your life and what you wanted out of it? What would you want from life? Or do you already live the life you want?

I have been learning how to manifest what I want in my life with my thoughts. It is no easy task and it takes time and patience. It does work and it does pay off. You can do the same with your life. Whatever you want to accomplish you can manifest it. If you want something in life, you can have it. 

jetski on the water

Choose what you want and commit to it

The first step is choosing what you want and committing to it. Take time to think about what it is you want because sometimes we want things out of ego. Doing things out of ego doesn’t really turn out well from what I have experienced. It will always bring a learning experience so if you do make an ego decision, it will be fine, just learn and grow.

Think about your future and where you want to be in 5 or 10 years. If you want to live a free and independent life, then what you chose should be in line with that. If you want to love yourself more, then it should be in line with self-love. 

When I decided to move to Costa Rica, it was a quick (4 months), but much thought out move. I knew in my soul I needed to live alone without roommates of any kind. I knew I couldn’t do this in the states because of how expensive it is. Also, my soul wanted to experience life abroad in a new culture. 

I had already quit my job. I was searching for a new job and nothing seemed to be what would work for me. I thought about being a live-in nanny, but I had heard stories about that really being a 24/7 thing. I definitely didn’t want that. The salary for jobs and the cost to live alone wasn’t adding up for me. I knew the cost of living and the payment in Costa Rica would be perfect. 

Manifest it in your thoughts and soul

Once I committed to making the move everything fell into place. I did some soul searching and dug deep into myself. During this process, I was sure that Costa Rica was the place for me. I could feel the self-love rising. I could feel a new me coming out and was loving it 

While I was searching for jobs, I let my soul speak to me. I sat quietly (internally) during interviews and felt what my soul was wanting. When I was at home with my then fiance, I sat quietly internally, feeling what was going on within me and around me. 

Manifesting our thoughts and souls requires stillness. While everything is moving and flowing you are above it all just watching what’s going on. This allows you to see areas of your life that need growth. Your soul knows exactly what you need… so manifest what it wants by letting life flow and listening.

How do we manifest with our thoughts?

We do this by feeling our souls. Let your soul speak into your thoughts. Allow yourself the calm and peace within to flow and move. Let all the thoughts go.

When thoughts like “how will I pay my bills?” or “how will I survive if I quit my job?” arise, just let them flow. They are legit thoughts. They have a place to be in your head, but they aren’t everything. We have to trust and let the universe do its thing. When we manifest what we truly want, it all works out. We manifest now what we want in the future. So, thoughts and internal feelings are key. 

Keep your thoughts positive and higher energy. Keep in the present moment. Keep giving yourself the self-love you need. BELIEVE AND INTERNALIZE that you are worth it and it is possible.

How it looks for me

A few months ago, I quit my secure and steady job. I am made the change with so many thoughts and concerns. I, however, knew my soul needed this. When my soul needs, something I allow it to be. There is something bigger coming.

I still don’t make enough money to live alone again. I have a roommate to help with the bills, but last week my soul said: “live alone!!” So, my roommate is finding a new place. 

My thoughts are “How will I pay for all my bills?” and “Am I ready for this?” 

I have not a damn clue. I do know that I am manifesting right now what will take place in the future. I am allowing the thoughts and questions to flow and I am living in the moment. I am giving my soul what it needs. Daily trips to the beach, working on the blog and coaching business, and my internal self

I lost a little independence

Since my roommate loves to help and is always here. I became a little lazy. I relied on him to get a glass of water or go to the store for eggs. I didn’t feel confident to go out alone. I always needed him or someone to go with me. 

I started realizing this is not me and nor did I like it. I really hated the feeling. I hated feeling needy and attached. I gained weight and just didn’t feel like my self 100%. 

Nina playing with a friend while I relax and enjoy the time alone.

So, this move to live alone is much needed because I know its the way to gain my independence back. Since I made the decision, I am already doing things on my own. I am already going to the beach solo and shopping solo. Slowly, the energy I once had is finding its way back to me. 

I never lost myself and for that I am thankful. Laziness is a downfall for me. I can learn and conquer this with manifesting a better future right now. 

If I can do it…. So can you!

Let the thoughts flow. Find your inner soul and listen to what it says. Make small changes over time and stay in the moment. The moment, right now, is where we manifest the future. 

Let me know what you think. Let me know what you do to manifest what you want in life. I would love to hear how you make this life YOURS!

Self-Love: The Spiritual Aspect

Spiritual Aspect

We all have an inner soul that wants to grow and learn. This part is our spiritual side. There are many ways we can give ourselves love spiritually. For some, it is going to church and religion. Others, it is yoga or being a monk. Where ever your soul takes you will bring you closer to yourself. 

We need a Deep Connection

Part of ourselves need a deep connection with something, be it family, a God, or any other higher power. It is part of our life and it is just as important as the other aspects of ourselves. This deep connection we crave should never be ignored. It is part of us and requires the same love and appreciation as the mental, physical, and social aspects. 

Here’s a list of ways we can achieve this connection.

Spending Time in Nature

One of the reasons I decided to live near the beach was to be closer to nature. I knew that my soul needed to be away from the big city and closer to nature. Living by the beach gives me a deep connection to life. There are wild animals like monkeys and iguanas. There is fruit falling off trees. I can feel and touch the ocean and sand beneath my feet. 

Being in nature brings you so close to the foundation of life. Whether it is swimming in the ocean or taking a hike in the woods, you are connected with the simple, serene, and peace. It allows you to be at one with yourself and what’s around you. 

Reading a spiritually thoughtful book

There are a ton of books out there that can help you shift your mindset and think deeply about your life and self. I enjoy these books because they can be life-changing books. Most of the books on my booklist are life-changing or spiritually thoughtful books. Some of my favorites are by John Baines and Eckhart Tolle. 

I have become the person I am today because of the books I have read. They have opened my eyes to things I didn’t know before. It is always a go-to for me to dig deep and feel the spiritual connection I need.

If you don’t like to read, you can always listen to an audiobook as well. You can learn so much about life, love, happiness, and inner peace by reading books.

Attend a spiritual or self-improvement school or workshop

This is one of the greatest things you can do. They have different schools or workshops all over the world. I have attended a few. At IHP, I was able to learn the most about myself than any other place or book I read. I also attended The Landmark Forum. I learned a lot there too. It was eye-opening and inspiring. 

I know many people who have traveled to Bali or Thailand or other places and gained so much knowledge and power from the event or school. The feeling and understanding you have when you leave will stick with you forever. 

Search and find the best place for you. There may be many places you attend as you begin to grown. It is worth it.

For some people, going to church or the mosque or other religious institutions are the way they access their spiritual side.

Meditate or Do Yoga

Meditating and doing yoga can help you settle your mind. It can bring peace and silence. The silence and peace will help you see what’s truly going on inside your body and mind. I am not a fan of yoga, I do meditate. Meditation while taking a hot, salty, bubble bath is my favorite way to calm my mind.

There are different ways to meditate and many options for yoga. You can begin to understand your inner emotions and thoughts while manifesting the life you want. I love to manifest what I want with life in my meditations.

Beautiful People and Core Values

I recently heard the song beautiful people by Ed Sheeran. It got me thinking about who I might become if I pursue my coaching business. I am good at helping people find their inner selves. I have seen friends’ and family member’s lives change because of the work I have done with them. I am confident. I am successful in coaching. I bring my core values into my life in every way.

The song insinuates that Beautiful people are people who pop champagne bottles or drive Lamborghinis. Beautiful people are people who sit in the front row of fashion shows or have prenups and broken homes. And that they don’t want to be beautiful people. They aren’t beautiful, it’s not who they are.

I was thinking, would that become me? Would I be the person popping champagne bottles and all glammed up with makeup and the finest of things? Who would I become when I make it in my new career? 

I love the song, but I think we are all beautiful people. Even without the extravagant lifestyle and fancy things, we are all beautiful people. So we already are beautiful people. 

It leads me to keep thinking about the questions I have and how it could benefit you.

Have you ever wanted to switch careers, but were afraid too because you weren’t sure who you’d become?

Have you ever been afraid to make more money because that could bring more fame, more opportunities, and more success?

As I begin my self-love coaching career, I have those fears. I see so many life coaches on Instagram that have these extravagant lifestyles. I have personally seen people change before my eyes because of money. 

It is scary to watch because I want to stay the same humble, thrifty, and the true person I am. It is normal to fear change and what could happen. We all have fears about the unknown. The truth is we will change. We will become someone new. 

We will change

We do have control over that person we become if we stay conscious and aware during the process. When we have our core values deeply ingrained in our being, we will be able to remember and see if who we are becoming is in-line with that. 

If your core values are to be humble and give back to society. If this value is deep within you, as you continue to grow more financially independent you will give back in the ways that align with your core standards. You will continue to do what you already do, just on a bigger scale. 

Some people put a high value on appearances and lifestyles, so when they gain more money they will do this on a bigger scale than they did before. That is okay because that is what they align with. Everyone has the need to look good and have a nice lifestyle, which is great, but we have control over how much we power we put on those needs. 

Our core values dictate how we live our lives no matter who successful or poor we are. As I work on my coaching program I am figuring out what my core values are so that I can stay true to them in my career and life.

Change is good

Change brings a new way of living. It reminds you that you are alive. We can truly live our best life as we grow into our true selves. The only way to achieve that is to grow and change. Learning what our core values are and how we can live our lives according to those values is the best way to know that we will become the person we truly are. There won’t be the fear that you will become someone different, that you don’t like if you know your core values deeply.

Stay tuned for my course in finding your core values. It is geared toward helping you determine what are the most important values in your life.

Self- Love: The Mental Aspect

Your mind is what controls your life. How you think and what you think can affect every aspect of your life. Your career, relationships, family, and physical appearance success is tied to what going on in your mind. 

One of the 7 principals of Hermeticism is mentalism, “All is mind.” This is where everything starts. We start making our life the way it is by what goes through our mind. What you believe life is, is what life will be. In every way. 

It is as simple as that. The best way to live a happy and free life is to master your mind. 

Taking Care of your Mind

Process and flow

One of the hardest aspects of mental self-love (for me and many others) is to process and flow. As humans, we tend to hold on to everything as if it owns us. We take to heart everything that happens to us and we don’t let go. Which is great when we are children as it helps protect us from future danger. As for adults, it limits us and keeps us in a box that doesn’t promote creativity and freedom. 

How can we begin to process and flow?

Well, you can start with yoga or other mental calming techniques. My favorite is breathing. When I breathe in, I breathe in new, fresh, and good energy. When I breathe out, I breathe out my thoughts and emotions. I circulate what is going on within me. Breathe in the good, and release the bad. This helps things flow. 

It is especially useful after an intense cardio workout. Working out is one of the best ways to get energy moving to release them with breathing.  This creates flow. Once we have the flow, it makes processing what is flowing easier. You can then begin to see what flows, what doesn’t, and what is within you or someone else. (We can attract other people’s energies and keep them as our own.)

Believe and Repeat Affirmations

I’ve heard so many people say “affirmations don’t work!” It is a waste of time. I am here to attest that it is not a waste of time and it can change your mental thoughts. It is not an instant fix. It takes time and belief to work.

A few years ago, someone told me I was a superwoman. I repeated that I was superwoman over and over again in my thoughts, energy, and writing. After a few years of doing this and slowly changing my way of being… IT HAPPENED! I became a superwoman. 

You can repeat I am _______, I do ______, I have _______ (fill in the blanks.) To me, this is boring and monotonous. I will write that out and keep in on pieces of paper where I can see them. I read them in my head as I see them. 

I found to be the most effective for me was to find a song that resonated with where I wanted to be. During the major life changes, I went through five years ago my songs were Titanium by David Ghetta and Hall of Fame by The Script.

The energy from the instruments and the lyrics hit home every time. I was able to remember and believe what I was singing more than just repeating a phrase. 

Back then….

I was afraid to live like a superwoman. I was walking around like a sad sheep that had no love or confidence. Titanium gave me the confidence I needed to break out of my sadness. Living as Superwoman, I was titanium. No one could touch me. No one could take away the confidence and self-love I had. I have nothing to lose no matter how hard people through fire at me. I was finding me. 

Hall of Fame helped me know I can live as Superwoman. I could be whatever I wanted. I could move mountains and find myself. I can burn with the brightest flame and be superwoman. I could be the hero. It was super hard to believe at the beginning, but the more I sang it and belted it out at the red lights and in the shower, the more I felt it in my soul! 

Now

Over the years the songs have changed and adapted to what I was battling with. Hall of Fame and Titanium were amazing in helping me get to where I am today. I still listen to them and they still hit my soul. Now… it’s a new song. 

My song recently has been This is Me from The Greatest Showman. This song resonates with me in so many ways. “This is me… I am not changing for anyone. I am brave… I am bruised… I am who I am meant to be. I am not scared to be seen and I won’t apologize.” As I go into the work of becoming a successful self-love coach, I am afraid to be seen and to be heard. I am afraid for the world to see what I can do. This song gives me the power to write and let myself share what I know about self-love. 

Ask Questions and Seek the Answers

The mind plays tricks on us sometimes. If you have ever seen the movie Revolver, the elevator scene is the best at representing the ego/mind. How do we find the truth if we don’t ask questions and seek the truth? I have always been a person to ask questions, sometimes hard ones. I find the harder the question is to answer the more truth is hidden. 

My questions have changed many times over the years as I have found the answers. It went from what is this life about and what am I supposed to do to what does a real relationship look like and is there more than one way to find it?

There are so many smaller questions I have related to those main questions, but I never stop looking for the answers. I am always living my life and paying attention to what life throws at me. The more life throws, the more answers I get. It’s all about being aware and processing what is in front of you. 

You want a changed life… Start with Your MIND!

Importance of Boundaries

Boundaries are important to any aspect of life, especially self-love. We have to set boundaries to protect yourselves. We can show the most love to ourselves by saying “No!” to things that don’t suit us. It can be one of the hardest things to do when it comes to family and relationships. It is necessary because we need to do what is best for our well being. 

Boundaries tell the other person or people when to give us our space. It also shows them what we allow in our lives and what we don’t. It is important that people understand what we want and don’t want in our lives. By setting boundaries, we are showing ourselves the respect and love we deserve. We can expect others to show us respect if we don’t give it to ourselves. 

Respect Yourself

Respect is very important in any relationship especially with ourselves. Showing ourselves respect can raise our energy and improve our happiness. Giving ourselves respect will show others how they need to respect us. They will know what you do with yourself and that they can’t do the same with you.

So how do you respect yourself? Here are ways you can show yourself and other people respect!

Saying “No!”

Saying “No” is step one to showing yourself respect and other respect. No is the simplest way to tell someone you don’t like something or don’t want to do something. If you don’t like it when someone touches your arm a certain way, saying NO is simple, easy, and straight forward. If the person respects you, they will stop. If you don’t like when someone calls you a certain name and you say NO, they should understand that isn’t what you like. I don’t like it when people call me Ash. It isn’t my name so I politely tell people “No, it’s Ashley.” 

You can also show yourself respect by saying “No, I can’t go out with you tonight”, if you’re an introvert and need space for yourself. Or “No, I can’t go out because I don’t have money.” In all these instances (and many more) you are showing yourself and the others that you won’t spend money when you don’t have it, you will put yourself first, and whatever else you don’t like or want. If they respect you, they will leave it alone.

Walking away

Step two is walking away. If someone keeps doing something you don’t like and you have told them no many times, then it’s time to walk away. I know this may be hard especially if you really love and care about that person. Depending on what they did or said can depend on how long you stay away. I am all for giving second chances if the person’s actions weren’t severe. 

As I have spoken about before, I had to walk away from my mom for a few months. She and I have grown stronger and we both understand each other’s boundaries. As for an ex-boyfriend, I had in the past I walked away from them and never looked back. He never learned that I had boundaries and he couldn’t cross them. 

By walking away, you gain your power and self-love and they get a hard understanding of what you want. It doesn’t always change the other person because some people just don’t understand respect or boundaries. It is okay because you just walk away. If it is a serious boundary-crossing you may want to go to the police or local authorities to report them.

Integrity

This is the most important step to making sure the first step is taken seriously. Integrity is where you follow through on what you say you are doing to do. If you say No to someone, but then go back on your word, the person won’t take you seriously. Some people are very persistent and push and push, that is why walking away is step two. You may need to take drastic actions. 

Integrity is following through with your word. If you want people to take your word for the truth then do what you say. If I say “No, I can’t come I need alone time” (and they continue to push) but then you go with them, the person learns that you will change your mind after being pushed. 

We want our boundaries to be respected so we need to do what we say. It is important in every area of our lives.

Self-Love: The Physical Aspect

Physical Aspect

There are three major physical aspect components to creating the self-love you deserve: exercise, bodily care, and eating well.

The three aspects are huge for feeling and being your best. When you aren’t taking care of your self physically it is hard to love yourself the way you need to be loved. It is hard to be physically activity because it does take work. It will increase your self-love by double. When I don’t work out, my level of self-love and confidence is super low. 

With one 20-minute workout, it increases because my energy is being moved around. When we don’t work out our energy becomes stagnant causes laziness and procrastination. Eating well helps to have the energy to make the exercise possible. They go hand in hand. 

Exercise

Exercise is a major component of physical self-love. If your body isn’t in shape, the other aspects of yourself will be more difficult to be with. 

There are many different levels of exercise depending on your age and abilities. If you are 70 you may not run a marathon. If you have ankle problems, like me, you will have trouble doing certain activities. 

I tend to do cardio like running and dancing workout videos on youtube. They get my heart rate up and allow me to feel the energy moving within my body. It raises my energy levels and promotes a better mood for me. When I work out every day, I am more productive and creative. 

I would recommend working out 3-4 days a week for a half-hour each time. I know starting out can be rough so if you haven’t worked out in a while. Start off with 10-15 minutes for the first week or two, then increase to 20-30 minutes. This allows you to feel accomplished and energetic. It can be difficult to do 30 minutes if your body isn’t used to exercise. I want you to feel encouraged and accomplished. So, start off small and increase as you feel comfortable.

There are many different types of exercise you can do to stay in shape. Here are a few, and there are many many more that aren’t listed.

  • Dancing
  • Running or jogging
  • Swimming
  • Playing sports
  • Lifting weights
  • Doing youtube videos
  • Zumba
  • Circuits at the local gym
  • Walking

Bodily Care

Bodily care are things we do to take care of our bodies, like brush our teeth and clip our toenails. I know this may seem silly to some people because it is what we do regularly. For others, it is difficult for us to maintain. Making sure that we have our physical appearance upkeep is important. I don’t mean putting on makeup every day and going out looking like a beauty queen. (You are more than welcome to do that if you like. It is not needed.)  

Making sure that we take care of our physical selves is important because it helps us feel like we start the day off with a clean slate. We can wash away all the negative and unwanted from the day before. It improves our sense of self-worth because we are putting ourselves first. Even if it is just clipping our toenails once every two weeks or taking the chipped nail polish off our nails. 

The feeling of staying clean and fresh is a gift we can give to ourselves. I used to miss out on this feeling when I was in my late teens, early 20s. I wouldn’t take care of myself physically as I do now. I don’t get my nails done professionally often, but I do them myself every two weeks like clock worth (which I never did often in the past.) I feel uplifted and empowered every time I do it too. 

Here’s a list of small, but powerful self-care items to do. (There are plenty more you can do that aren’t listed)

  • Clip your nails
  • Clean your ears
  • Floss and brush every day
  • Cut your hair even if it’s a trim (I do this myself every month or two)
  • Shave your legs and armpits (if this is something you do, not all cultures do)
  • Keep your skin hydrated with lotions

Eating Well

Eating well is so important when it comes to self-love. We need to know what is best for our bodies. What we put into our bodies affects our bodies in every way. If you are a diabetic, you will eat differently than someone who isn’t. I am allergic to dairy, so when I put dairy into my body it affects my bowels. Eating meat can affect people differently as well. 

We all have different foods that we know are not the best for us. So make sure we put the right kinds of foods into our bodies is key to having a functioning system. 

The best way to figure out what our bodies like and don’t like is to cut the stuff out. Here are a list of things to cut out of your diet and see what your body feels like after. Don’t do it all at once and speak to your doctor before making any major changes in your on medications or anything from the doctor.

  • Sugar: getting rid of sodas, candies, and sweets
  • Dairy: cut out cheese, yogurts, and other dairy products
  • Meat: don’t eat meat to see if you notice a difference
  • Processed foods: buy whole foods and veggies
  • Gluten: remove gluten products 

I wouldn’t do these all at once. I would also remove them for one month up to three months as it takes a while for these to leave our bodies. And please speak to your doctor before making any major changes. 

Drinking Fluids

Drinking fluids is super important to maintaining self-love.

 I saw fluids because just drinking water doesn’t always support our bodies. I learned this the hard way. In a hot climate like Costa Rica, drinking electrolytes is key to staying hydrated. I have to add electrolyte powder to my water every day. If I don’t I run the risk of becoming dehydrated. Drinking Gatorade is not the same.

When I first moved to CR, I was drinking water and Gatorade by the gallon and I still ended up in the clinic for dehydration. The doctors explained to me that I need to drink something similar to Pedialyte. 

Being dehydrated can cause dizziness, vomiting, and other issues that will affect your body and self-love. So make sure that you drink water and fluids such as Pedialyte when working out or in the hot temperatures.

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