Category: Personal Development

How Do We Play The Victim?

Everyone has played the victim at some point in their lives. It’s what we do as kids. Certain people never grow out of it. As a teacher, my student’s play the victim all the time. Some more than others. If someone gets in trouble for talking to someone, they tell me, “she was talking too.” Instead of saying sorry teacher, they put the blame on the other person. Of course, this is a very basic form of playing the victim. I have found from personal experience there are many more different ways it presents itself. Here are the 6 I have seen.

1. Doesn’t Take Responsibility, Blames Others

This is probably the most common form I have seen. It’s when the person blames someone else so they don’t have to take responsibility for their mistakes or problems. I have done this many times. I had a rough week at work because I didn’t finish my lesson planning on time. I blamed it on the internet not working (which it wasn’t working) instead of just saying “hey, I overbooked myself this week. I am sorry.” I could have lesson planned earlier in the week when I normally do instead of waiting until the last minute. Things happen and we make mistakes. It is okay. How we handle those mistakes shows us if we are “the victim” or not. I played the victim by not taking responsibility for the fact I waited until the last minute. The internet here is unpredictable and I have known this. If I had done the work on Tuesday, like I do every week it would have been done.

It can be hard to admit situations like this because it can affect the ego or make you look bad. It takes courage and strength to admit you were in the wrong. It is easier and less “painful” to blame it on external situations, like the internet not working. I think some people use this as a way not justify why they broke the rules or did the things they did. It takes time to learn how to be honest and take responsibility for your actions. It does start with one situation at a time.

2. Holds Grudges, No Forgiveness

When someone doesn’t forgive or let things go it can cause anger and resent to be present. This hurts you more than anyone. It has an effect on those around you because you tend to push them away. The only people I have held grudges against was my mom and dad. It took me a really long time to forgive and understand the things they did when I was little. As I began to look within myself, I began to see that they did the best they could with what they had. I hated my father for not letting me express myself in the ways I wanted too. I hated him for not allowing me to chose the clothes I wanted. I had a grudge towards my mom for giving my sister more attention and money than me. I hated my mom for taking the side of my ex husband during my divorce. It took some time to be able to let those things go. I had to yell and scream at my father. I had to disown my mother. All during that time, I worked on myself so I could be the person I wanted to be regardless of their actions.

This is not easy. It is probably one of the hardest things to do, to forgive and let go. It takes time to truly understand deeply what this does to our lives. Of course, you need to protect yourself. It is a two way street. If you forgive someone and they don’t grow with you, maybe it’s time to walk away. Forgiveness is for your own peace. You can forgive and walk away if you need to. I have forgiven people and left the relationship. I forgave my mother and father. The relationship with them changed for the better, allowing us to have the relationship we have now. Even if you forgive and leave the person, you still have a peace inside you. That is the most important: being at peace.

3. Doesn’t Trust Others, Everyone is Against Them

This one doesn’t always appear in people who play the victim. It does show frequently though. When you play the victim you are constantly thinking that people are doing things on purpose and trying to make you miserable. It makes logical sense that a “victim” would not trust others. With my job, I have issues with my boss sometimes (don’t we all). There are others that have issues with her much more than I do. I believe part of this is because they think it is all because of our boss. My boss is not perfect and part of her personality drives me insane. I have learned to go with it. To stay in my lane and follow the rules. If I follow the rules whether I like them or not, she leaves me alone. I don’t think she is out to fire me or get me in trouble because I do what I am supposed to do. And when I don’t do what is required of me, I take responsibility for it (this was not always the case, I just learned this a few months ago). Others have been written up for not following the rules, then go and blame her for the problem. They take it personally and believe she is against them.

I have found that if you take responsibility for your actions and consequences people will trust you more. You have to be willing to trust others first. People don’t trust you if you don’t trust them. I confronted my boss about the issues I was having with her. The meeting did not go well at all. She wrote me up from confronting her. I left feeling like she is against me and doesn’t care. Since I felt unsettled about the meeting, I took a good look at myself. I took responsibility for my part of the “failed” meeting and apologized. In the end, the write up never went into my file. She and I also communicate much better now.

4. Argues Quickly and Easily

People that play the victim will argue over everything. They feel it is not their fault and other people are wrong. This causes them to argue and debate every situation because it doesn’t suit their needs or wants. I know I have done this in the past and sometimes now. I am working on listening before I speak. It is a hard thing to do. Not every feeling of disappointment or hurt requires an argument. This weekend I argued with my boyfriend over cleaning. It was his weekend to clean and he didn’t do it when I wanted him to do it. I felt like the victim and started an argument. The argument went nowhere because I had no real merit for my anger.

When we stop playing the victim we don’t argue about every little thing that bothers us. We tend to examine the situation and have a different reaction that doesn’t always lead to a fight. Allowing ourselves to acknowledge we may be wrong or we may be overreacting creates space for us to not be the victim.  

5. Their Life is Lacking, Nothing is Good Enough

They tend to blame their lack of something on other things. An example would be that they are stressed about money yet they are the ones that made the decision to quit a job or spend money they don’t have. A lot of women blame their loneliness on the fact that men are worthless and horrible. My question is what are these people doing to cause themselves to not have the money or attract a good man? We attract what we want by the energy we put out. If you are always playing the victim you will never be able to appreciate a good thing when you have it.

I used to blame my failed marriage on my ex-husband. It was his fault that we got divorced. He didn’t try and he cheated. I lacked a good marriage because he was incapable of being the husband I needed. However, after some deep consideration, I realized that it was my fault too. I was controlling and quite frankly a bitch. I can’t expect to have a fantastic relationship when I am a controlling bitch.

Our lives lack certain things because of our energy or attitude towards certain situations. Now, there are people who actually are lacking because of external circumstances. That is why we have the black lives matter movement and people fighting for the rights of underprivileged people.

What’s Next

Stay tuned for the how to turn your life from Victim to Victor.



Why I Left My Mom

The Beginning

I was close to my mom especially when I lived with her. She and I got along fairly well. My mom has a disorder that affected me and my older sister growing up. It was not easy to handle at times. I eventually moved out and lived on my own because i needed distance from it. I visited her and my step dad when I wanted too. I spoke to her on the phone. The relationship wasn’t perfect. It felt as though there was resentment towards her that made the visits and phone calls rough. Eventually, this issues took a toll on me. Especially, when she and my step dad wanted to have a child together. I argued and fought with her about this for 2 years. The thought of her raising a child with the disorder was not easy for me to understand. She could barely raise me and my sister, how could she take care of a baby?

The Break Up

Anything I said about her having a baby just started an argument. Neither of us was happy and it was adding distance between us. She went ahead with having the baby anyway. The baby was due in 3 months. I was going through a nasty divorce and wanted advice from her, I was desperate to make my marriage work even though it was a lost cause. Her response was not what I wanted to hear. I felt as though she took my husband’s side instead of being there for me. It killed me. I already felt alone and beaten down. I didn’t need her to take his side. (later, I found out her point of view) What did I do? I broke up with my mom. I let her go and do her thing. While I went and did mine. I had to find myself again after losing my marriage. I had to restart my whole life over again. I was angry at everyone and everything. My marriage failed because my husband found someone else. I lost a lot of friends because they were his friends. It was not a good place to deal with a new sister.

The First Few Months of Space

My mother was not happy about the break up because I just stopped talking to her. I didn’t return phone calls or messages. She hadn’t listened when I needed support for my marriage, so I didn’t think she would understand why I couldn’t speak to her anymore. My stepdad became angry with me as well. My entire family wanted me to reach out to her. It was something I could not do. I needed this space. I needed to find myself. I needed to let go of all the anger and hate I felt inside. My little sister was born shortly after the break-up. I couldn’t bring myself to see her. I didn’t want anything to do with my sister or my mom. I didn’t want my new sister to go through what I went through as a child. I didn’t want to feel helpless when the time came to support her through all the terror that could happen.

Towards the End

This break-up last about 9 months. The last 3 to 4 months, I had started to relieve the pain and resentment towards my mom. My boyfriend at the time had been through worse stuff than I had and he still was great friends with her. I wanted that with my mom. I wanted to forgive my mother so we could have a good life. One of happiness, peace, and trust. I knew it would be hard and I knew it wouldn’t be easy. I was still not ready. I am not sure I was ever really ready. I kept reading BOOKS that helped me change my perspective on life. Eventually, I did what my soul told me I needed to do, reach out to my mom. It started with a handwritten letter that I mailed to her. I told her the reasons I stopped talking to her and that I would contact her soon when I was ready. I needed her to know that it wasn’t going to last forever.

In the End

My mother and I started talking again. It was on my terms and about what I wanted to talk about. I was still not comfortable about having a little sister so we kept that to a minimum as well as other hot topic conversations. It has been 7 years since the break-up and our relationship is something I would never have imagined. She and I talk about everything and anything. She has helped me through so many times as I with her. There are things she has told me that only she and her life coach know. I have grown to forgive her for many, many things. I began to understand that my mom was not taking any sides in my failed marriage, but she took the side of the marriage. She has been with my stepdad for a long time. She knows a thing or two about making a marriage work. It is a wonderful and amazing relationship we have now. The break up helped give us the distance to understand each other in a more profound and harmonious way.

My Little Sister

You are all probably wondering what I decided about my little sister. Well, she and I have a great relationship. I don’t see her often as we live in two different countries yet I facetime her when I can. I even surprised her one Christmas by coming to visit. She is lively, silly, and cute. Her life is something I could have only dreamed of when I was a child. My mom is a different parent to her. What I thought would happen was the complete opposite. My stepdad and mom do everything they can to provide for her in every way. I couldn’t be more happy to have her as my little sister. I don’t regret missing her first years of life because I am present in a more profound way now than I ever could before.

What You Can Learn From This

Family is no exception to taking a break from them. WE can take breaks from anyone we need too. Sometimes the break or separation is temporary to help us find ourselves first. If we don’t have ourselves in a good place, nothing will change. If I had never taken a break from my mother i wouldn’t have the relationship she and I have now. I probably wouldn’t know my little sister the way i do. You have to take care of yourself first, especially with family. If you are struggling with what to do with a negative or hurtful relationship whether it is family or friends, walk away for a little bit and work on yourself. You may find that you can go back and things will be different. You may go back and find nothing has changed. It happens. Yet you will never know if things will be different if you don’t take space to find out.

Inside Out and Emotion

Why movie reviews?

I LOVE movies. I want to start reviewing movies that I find inspirational or thought-provoking. I used to watch movies and have deep conversations about the movies with my ex-fiance. It is hard for me to find someone that enjoys decoding movies after watching them. They are another way to connect with our inner selves. They can be used to question and change our ways of thinking if we look deeper into the stories being told.

Inside and My Classroom

Recently, my students have been having trouble with their emotions. They are beginning to express their emotions in many ways. This is causing the students to react to others in ways that are not positive. One student is dealing with a parent dying from cancer. Another student has parents that do and say negative things to him. They all have something that is happening in their lives that they have emotions to that they don’t know how to deal with.

In class, if someone is angry, they hit, pinch, or push the other student that is bothering them. It is hard for them to understand they need to respect others emotions. Two things happen here… The person who is angry has trouble releasing the negative energy in a more positive manner. The person doing the bothering does not understand they should stop what is they are doing. It is a never ending cycle. I do what I can to promote talking and growth. It is not easy sometimes because they are not having the same reinforcement at home. I can teach them and inspire them. They will look up to me for guidance, but the parents are the ones that they will learn the most vital lessons they need to succeed in life.

Since I still need to do what I can as the role model of teacher, I chose to watch Inside Out as a class to create a conversation with my students. Here is what how I chose to do this…

Inside Out is the perfect movie to explain emotions in many different ways. At first, we watched about 30 minutes worth of the movie. I paused the movie and we talked about the characters in the movie. Specifically, the “emotions”. My students responded with Joy, Anger, Disgust, Fear, and Sadness. I wrote the names on the board and asked for other words to describe the same emotions. They responded with happy for joy, mad for angry, yucky for disgust, scared for fear, and down for sad. I asked them to show me what each emotion looks like with their body. We went through them one by one. While they showed the emotions, I asked what they should do if the person looks like that emotions. I chose to ask this question because when someone is angry or scared, they tend to not change their actions toward the person. Someone would have a face full of anger and continue to bother them, causing the person to push or hit.I could see some of my students faces light up like a light bulb. Something clicked in them after connecting the video and the acting.

Two things stood out to me for my students as we continued to watch the movie. First, we react to different emotions differently. When one emotion is the strongest emotion, we tend to make decisions based on that sole emotion. In the movie, anger took over because he had had enough. This caused the little girl to steal money and run away. She thought going back to where she came from was the only option to be happy again. This was the perfect way to ask them questions. They can relate to this because they do the similar things when they are angry or fearful. They answered questions like how could having such strong emotions drive us to make poor decisions? Why would running away because of anger hurt those around you? What could we do to have different experiences when full of emotions?

Second, Joy spent the entire movie stopping Sadness from touching the memories. Joy didn’t want the memories to turn sad. Joy thought the other emotions weren’t as good as her. That she needed to be the main emotion. Towards the end of the movie, Joy and all the other emotions realized they can work together to make the girl live a better life. When the emotions came together, the students realized they could work with their emotions for the better.

I do not know if what they learned will stick with them or not. I hope that they learned something. If not all of them, one of them. It is amazing what students can learn when watch movies, if we create conversations with them.


What could you teach your kids or yourself from the Inside Out movie?

Small Talk and Empaths

Small talk is a polite conversation that doesn’t use deep or controversial topics. We generally use this type of conversation when we first meet people. You might use it on the bus with people next to you or for a first date. Small talk can be asking about the weather or what the person is doing today. There is no real substance to the conversation. It’s mainly about observations.

Person A- “What do you think about this weather?”

Person B- “It is really windy. So, the dusty is flying everywhere”

An empath is a person that can feel and experience different energies around them mainly from other people. Empaths are very deep. They are able to feel emotions, energies, and sometimes physical symptoms from other and things. It makes being out in the world hard because they take on everything around them.

What do Empaths and Small Talk have to do with each other?

Since Empaths are deep people it makes having small talk difficult for them. Empaths want to talk about real situations within the world. They want to talk about the experiences affecting them or others around them. Small talk is a very shallow type of conversation and because of this Empaths HATE it. It is difficult for an Empath to feel sadness or anger from another person and talk about the weather. It feels fake and uncomfortable to talk about something so trivial as the weather when there are deeper issues or conversations that could be talked about.

How can hating small talk can affect an Empath?

Empaths hate and/or have trouble with small talk. This can cause Empaths to be isolated. They want to connect on a deeper level. Since most people don’t want to go as deep as an Empath, it makes it hard for them to have friends. Small talk is essential to having friends. If someone can’t have small talk it makes it very difficult to keep people around.  

Small talk feels fake to Empaths. This shows when having conversations with people. Even though people don’t have deep conversations, they can feel when a person is being fake. This comes across like the Empath is lying or hiding something. In reality, they are. They are hiding their real intentions of wanting to have a deep conversation about life or emotions. In order to have small talk, an Empath needs to have a conversation they don’t feel is true. Again, causing people to pull away.

Can an Empath have a lot of friends without small talk?

I am not sure. Since I am just learning what it’s like being an empath, it’s hard for me to say. I don’t have many friends. I seem to rotate between being alone and having friends. The small talk is what I have the most trouble with as an Empath. I hope to find this answer out as I learn what it’s like living as a deep and emotional person that feels everything.

25 Spectacular inspirational Songs

What keeps you Inspired and Motivated?

What keeps you inspired and motivated? For some, it is drawing, exercising, or creating something new. I love to do those things, but they don’t give me the motivation I need to push through whatever it is I am working with. MUSIC sets my emotions and energetic core on fire! Songs are what I use to get keep my inspiration alive. It has the ability to touch a part of my soul that make me feel alive and powerful. When my soul is being released, music will be the one that keeps me pushing through the struggle.

Why does music touch the soul? It has the power to touch the soul and bring you alive because it sends out a vibrations that your soul can feel and understand.  Music can penetrate deep into your subconscious and help you understand what your energy and soul are saying. My taste in music has changed drastically since I was a teenage and young adult. Most of the music I listened to back then had a lower energetic feeling that I no longer want to associate with. When I was younger my soul was crying for help. It wanted to be released and loved, the way I love my soul now. The music I listened to reflected that.

My soul is vibrating at a different level so my taste in music now reflects that. This list of songs

have kept me going and strong for the last 5 years. I can never get enough of these. I can put them on repeat and listen to them a million times. Some have lyrics that hit my soul and remind me that I can love myself that way or that I can be the type of person they describe. For others, it’s the way the guitar, drums, and instruments work together to create a harmony that is beautiful and touching.

I hope these songs can inspire and influence you to live a meaningful and strong life that you love!  Leave a comment and tell me what music resonates with you. I would love to hear new inspirational music that my readers love.

  1. Heroes (we could be): Alesso feat. Tove lo
  2. Shut Up and Dance: Walk the Moon
  3. Siren: Kat Krazy feat. Elkka
  4. Beast: Timeflies
  5. Shatter Me: Lindsey Stirling Feat. Lzzy Hale
  6. Stand Up: Elijah Jamal feat. Audiomoe
  7. Mama: Jonas Blue feat. William Singe
  8. I Like Me Better: Lauv
  9. Unstoppable: Sia
  10. Angel by the Wings: Sia
  11. The Greatest: Sia
  12. Home: Machine Gun Kelly, X Ambassadors and Bebe Rexha
  13. Titanium: David Ghetta feat. Sia
  14. Battleships: Daughtry
  15. Whatever it Takes: Imagine Dragons
  16. Hall of Fame: The Script feat. Will.i.am
  17. Elastic Hearts: Sia
  18. Raise you Glass: Pink
  19. Rise: Katy Perry
  20. Let Me Love You: Dj Snake feat. Justin Bieber
  21. Symphony: Clean Bandit feat. Zara Larsson
  22. This is what you came for: Calvin Harris feat. Rihanna
  23. You Got Me: Gavin DeGraw
  24. Sugar: Maroon 5
  25. Beautiful Pain: Eminem feat. Sia

5 Movies with a Profound Meaning… You may not have seen

1. Revolver

I have personally seen this movie over TEN times. It’s an action packed movie with an underlying theme about the ego. After seeing the movie so many times, it is hard to put into words what happens. There are so many little and big clues to the ego over the course of the movie. There are different types of egos being threatened in the movie, Jake Green, Macha, and Sorter. Jake Green is the main character who goes through the most mentally. He is afraid of small spaces, such as elevators, and losing his money. And Jack is forced to deal with himself because of two men, Avi and Zach. Macha is a hotshot casino owner that will kill anyone that stands in his way. Macha doesn’t like to feel inferior or weakened. Green brings out this feeling in Macha. Sorter is the best shooter. Macha hires Sorter to take out Green. He misses every time, which causes him to deal with that part of his ego. He doesn’t understand why he keeps missing.

I don’t want to give too much away as it is such a great movie to watch and decode for yourself. The best part of the movie, for me, was each time I watched it I learned something new about the ego and how it can present itself.  I will leave you with my favorite quote of the movie “Where does this game stop, Mr. Green? Is it me that is playing head games with you, Mr. Green? You’ve heard that voice for so long, you believe it to be you. You believe it to be your best friend. Where’s the best place an opponent should hide? In the very last place you would ever look…. It’s all up here pretending to be you. You’re in a game, Jake. You’re in the game. Everyone is in the game and no one knows it.  And all of this, this is his world and he owns it. He controls it. Tells you what to do. And when to do it… He’s behind all the pain there ever was. Behind every crime ever committed. And right now he is telling you that he doesn’t even exist. We just put you to war with the only enemy that ever existed. And you, you think he is your best friend…. Where’s the best place an opponent should hide? In the very last place you’d every look. He’s hiding behind your pain, Jake.  Embrace the pain and you will win this game. How radical are you prepared to be Mr. Green?”

2. The Impossible

The Impossible is about the strength and perseverance a family has after a tsunami hits the resort they are vacationing on in Thailand. When the tsunami hits, the family gets separated… 2 kids with dad and one with mom. The mom and oldest son get stuck in the flood of rushing water. The mom gets stuck with a tree in the side. They fight to get together as they both are pushed with the raging current. Then another wave of water comes rushing toward them. The mom and son are reunited and begin the journey of finding the father and other two sons. It’s a long journey for them. I won’t give the rest of their trials and accomplishments away.

What the mother went through should have killed her. The son was strong and brave for being able to watch her and support her in all the ways he did. It shows you just how tough the human body is when you need to survive. Perseverance and strength are what this movie is about, from beginning to end.

The dad and youngest two kids had a different journey. The younger two boys need to look after each other as they travel into the mountains alone because the father stays behind to look for the mom and oldest brother. Why the dad didn’t go with them, blows my mind, but it’s still a journey they chose to take. The dad begins to travel from hospital to hospital looking for the brother and mother. Meanwhile, the father and youngest two kids get separated. They all valiantly, triumph through this tragedy.

It truly is the impossible. It proves that we as humans can overcome anything we need to when faced with loss and life. It is all mental. The stronger you are mentally the farther you will go. It is possible to withstand many physical and mental restrictions. This movie proves the impossible is possible!

3. Words and Pictures

A writing teacher and an art teacher create a competition between the students. The art teacher  believe that picture is worth more than thousand words so the english teacher declares war. The competition creates a healthy competition between the students causing them to push themselves to do their best. They chose a subject and each class writes or draws their best work. In a presentation, they will describe why, Words versus Pictures, one is more important.

Each teacher had a passion about their chosen form of art. They used that same art to prove why it’s better. This passion was passed to their students. They created a vivid, truthful, and profound presentation. Each character in the movie, had their struggle that was tested during the course of the movie. How each of them overcame and conquered their fears to create something amazing.

As a teacher, and lover of pictures and words, the movie captured the truth. It showed purpose, truth, and perseverance in the way each artist showed their reason why that form of art was better than the other. Who do you think wins the battle? Possibly, both?

4. Facing the Giants

One reason I watched this movie the first time was because of a short clip I saw on facebook. The clip was of a boy crab walking down the football field blindfolded with a teammate on his back, a death crawl. He told the coach he would go 50 yards. The coach pushed and pushed him to keep going. In the end, the boy finished in the end zone. Everyone was standing in disbelief. They had no idea he could go that far. It inspired me to keep pushing and going just as it did for the players. Having faith that I can accomplish more than I think I can. The clip motivated me and I wanted to know what more the movie had to offer, so I watched the movie.
It is a christian faith based movie about a football coach that has a hard time of it. His car is broken, his house smells, and his wife can’t get pregnant. The group of people team up to talk about replacing his position as coach with someone else because he hasn’t won them a state championship. He uses the words from the bible to bring the boys closer together. They begin to work as a team and win games. The coach made a change within himself which allowed him to move the team forward in a positive light. It moves me every time I see it. The passion and drive he had to change the lives of his players is an inspiration.

5. Exam

The exam is a movie about 8 people interviewing for the most prestigous job. They all have a past that wasn’t easy for them. Now, they have to take an exam, so they enter the room in which the exam will take place. There is a modulator who explains the reasons they were chosen, the rules, and keeps an eye on them during the exam.

The modulator starts the exam by pointing out that the struggles they went through were necessary. The job position they will be in requires them to have resilience to succeed. If they can’t survive the interview process they won’t make it in the job. The company is a powerful company. They can determine certain rules that need to be followed, and their rules are the only rules. The modulator makes sure they understand this my referring to the hardships they had to get to this stage in the interview process.

There are some rules for the exam. They must be followed or they will be disqualified. He reads the rules and asks if there are any questions. They have 80 minutes to find the answer to the question. He says begins and leaves.

The rules for the interview are as follows:

  1. There is one question that requires one answer.  
  2. They are not to try to communicate with the moderator or guard in the room.
  3. They can not spoil your paper, intentionally or by accident.
  4. They can not leave the room for any reason.

The candidates each have a desk, chair, paper, and pencil. They turn the paper over to see what the questions is. There is NO QUESTION!

As they try to figure out the question, they one by one get disqualified for one reason or another. It is a stressful environment for everyone because they have a time limit and no question. Their future careers are on the line. If they don’t answer the question, they won’t be hired. Yet, they don’t have a question to answer. They admit this is the biggest “mind fuck”.  This “mind fuck” tests them causing their personalities to clash in different ways. They each begin to be disqualified one by one.

There are so many little nuances that relate to life and big companies. As they try to figure out the answer, they create conversations and questions about psychology and personalities. These conversations lead to people getting hurt. Only one was able to find the answer and the question.

The one who won, dealt with 3 important things that no one else could while in the room. The 3 qualities needed were listening disposition, attention to dealt, and compassion for their fellow man. These are qualities that not everyone has. I know I struggle with them. Attention to detail, is my hardest. I know this will  and does affect my career in writing.

What I loved about this movie were the questions. Asking myself similar types of questions is how I have been able to raise my level of consciousness and overcome obstacles in my life. This is a thought-provoking movie about life.

Summary:

Each movie has a different aspect about personal development and life that stands out to me. I hope that you enjoy the movies and take from them something valuable. I hope they give you the freedom or motivation you need to push forward in your journey, just as they did mine. Leave a comment and tell me what you think of the movies.

6 Books That Will Change Your Life

6 Books that will change your life.

On this journey of life I am on, I have read many books. Some personal development books I read and thought well that was a waste of time. And there are others, I have read and changed my life. Life is a journey of discovering who YOU ARE and the true potential that YOU HAVE locked away inside. Books, travel, and experience can be the KEY to opening that potential.

I love my job as a teacher. It is rewarding and pays the bills. It is not the main thing I want to do with my life. I want to influence woman (or men) to be courageous, brave, and confident in all they do. My journey of discovery started by reading books. Reading all kinds of books. Christian books to spiritual books to business entrepreneur books. I took what I learned from the different books and used them to become the confident, brave, and independent woman I am today.

Since these books have helped me unlock my TRUE POTENTIAL, I wanted to share them with you so you can UNLOCK your POWER.

1.    Breaking the Cycle of Divorce: John Trent

This was the first book I read when I first started my journey of finding myself. I was going through a divorce and felt lost, hopeless, confused, and scared. The book gives you questions at the end of the chapters to help you start to understand what I happening in your life. When I was able to answer these questions honestly, I was able to see where my faults in my marriage came from. This allowed me to start to overcome them.

Standing alone this book does not help me understand everything. I still had questions after I read it. This book allowed me to start asking myself questions. The books that follow helped give this book more meaning and understanding. It was a great starting book for understanding why my marriage and love life was the way it was.

2.    The Four Agreements and The Four Agreements Companion Book: Don Miguel Ruiz

The Four Agreements is an amazing book that creates a new way of being with four simple yet sometimes hard ideas. The four agreements is great by itself, but the companion book is more in depth. It has questions and asks you to create a journal or notebook to write down your thoughts. It gives you more concrete support because it requires action. It’s not just a book you read and put down, but a book that requires thought and effort.  The Four Agreements is more of a read and put down type book. The companion book takes more time because to get the most out of it you do the activities in the chapters.

I do not suggest reading The Four Agreements Companion Book without first reading The Four Agreements. The main book should be read before the companion book. The Four Agreements goes into detail what the agreements are and how you should use them in your life. The companion guide helps you dig deeper within yourself to recognize where they come from.

3.    The Power of Now: Eckhart Tolle

This book helped me understand exactly what the title says… the POWER of NOW. It allowed me to understand what staying in the moment looked like. In every crisis, there is an opportunity hidden within it that you can unveil. The only way to get what is hidden is by not denying the facts. Understanding and accepting reality as it is in front of you.  Crisis, challenges, and any situation that causes you pain and trouble is there for you to uncover some hidden potential or understanding about yourself. The author speaks about transforming relationships, cycles of life, enlightenment, and the power to choose.

Every chapter has amazing insights into how not being in the moment can affect them. An example from the chapter on relationships that helped me understand why I was so unhappy in relationships is “If you continue to pursue the goal of salvation through a relationship, you will be disillusioned again and again. But if you accept that a relationship is here to make you conscious instead of happy, then you relationship will offer you salvation…” Once I read this and truly comprehended it, it changed my life. This was such a huge problem in my marriage. I wanted him to make me happy. I wanted him to make my life complete. After reading that, I understood that the marriage I had would not bring me the life I wanted. I needed to use the relationships to become conscious. This consciousness would lead to a more rewarding and happy life whether it was with friends, family, or a partner.

This book is great to read if you want to find out what certain things just never work out for you. If you read this book and love it, you will want to read the next book on my list.

4.    A new earth: Eckhart Tolle

A New Earth built on what I read in the Power of Now. It made connections to the world and how I can affect the world. It allowed me to understand how evolving my consciousness can change the world. Tolle talks about how our attachments to people, things, and ideas can affect ourselves and the world around us. Have you ever been around someone that just emanates negative or dense energy that makes you want to run away? This could be due to their dense pain bodies they hid within. Tolle describes how our dense pain bodies affect us and the world around us. Pain bodies are not just within individual people, either. They can be within bigger bodies of people, such as nations or countries. The pain bodies can renew themselves by feeding off of drama and thoughts. For more on pain bodies, I suggest you read the book as it has many different aspects.

The book goes in to discovering inner space and understanding your true purpose. In the chapter about inner space, he stated: “You can participate in the dance of creation and be active without attachment to outcome and without placing unreasonable demands upon the world: fulfill me, make me happy, make me feel safe, tell me who I am. The world cannot give you those things, and when you know longer have such expectations, all self-created suffering comes to an end.” After reading that, I understood that the only person that can give me those things are the person I hide deep within. The world and other people cannot fill those for me. I have to find happiness, safety, and my purpose inside myself.

The book is a great book to build on understanding yourself in a deeper level. It changed my whole perspective on life and where I can find the peace I desired to have.

5.    Naked Marriage: Uncovering Who You Are and Who You Can Be Together- Corey Allen

This is one of my most recent reads. I read this book with my ex-fiancé in the states. We read it together as a way to bond and communicate. We were about to head into a marriage that I wasn’t sure I wanted to go into. The book helps identify some false notions of what it’s like to be married. I know, I had been married before I should know the false notions. And, I did know some of them.

“Naked Marriage encourages you to find yourself and fully reveal yourself, so you and your marriage can become fully alive.”- taken from the about the book section. This book really does that. Each chapter states a “myth” and a “truth” about marriage. Some of the myths were new to me. I believed the myth to be true. Once I understood the myth as false, my relationships started to change, current and future. Three of the myths that stuck out to me and why:

Myth: Happy couples do everything together

Truth: More separation creates desire for togetherness

A marriage needs to have two mature and independent people who come together to enjoy life. If you do everything with your partner the desire dissolves. The book gives examples like “remember when you first met how you wanted desired to see him and be with him?” This happens because you live separate lives so you miss that person. You can keep this feeling if you have different lives together. I looked at my life and found something interesting. My parents have been remarried to other people for many years now. They are happy and living a good life together. Do they do everything together? No, they don’t. My mom owns a bar and my step dad works from home. My dad goes to baseball games and other events with his male friends without my step mom frequently. They really have two different lives together. It works for them. It allows them space to be and grow.

Myth: My spouse is my responsibility

Truth: I am my responsibility

He starts the chapter off with a story about a man and a stranger. The stranger had a rope that he tied to his waste. He handed the rope to the man and asked him to hold it. The man agreed and the stranger jumped off the bridge. The man was forced to hold the rope or the stranger would die. He kept asking how he could help the stranger. The stranger just said keep doing that. The man could only do that for so long. (This is just a quick summary of the story because the story was a little long.) The stranger was a selfish and needy person by putting the man in that position. The man felt trapped. This often happens in relationships. I am guilty of this. I did this in every relationship I have had until recently. All the men felt was cornered and helpless. They wanted to help, but they couldn’t. This happens in friendships as well. We want to cling to the best friend or family member so much that we suffocate them causing them to make a “selfish” decision to leave.

Myth: I must work on my marriage

Truth: My marriage works on me

He isn’t saying if the marriage is failing just give up and divorce. What he is saying is when there is a problem in a marriage, it’s not the marriage, it’s YOU. Marriages can bring out the worse in us, so if we use the marriage as a way to better ourselves the marriage is more likely to grow. Before I got divorced, he and I “worked” on our marriage. We didn’t work on ourselves. We went to counseling. We had dinners together. We did almost everything we could except work on ourselves. Nothing changed. I began to understand this while reading this book. It took me until recently to fully comprehend this.

These were three major things that took me away from myself in the past, but once I acknowledged them as false my life changed. This book could be used in all aspects of life, including friends and family. We tend to think the same “myths” with others.

6.    Does woman exist: John Baines

I saved this book for last because it was a very tough and difficult book for me to read. This book hit a nerve. It caused a major reaction that stopped me from finishing the book. I knew that the book had some great insights into becoming the woman I am today. So, I kept trying to read the book. After 3 tries, over two years, I finally finished the book completely. I have read it twice since then. Does woman exist, hits some major points of what society has told woman they should do and be. Topics include marriage and motherhood. It questions what we think femininity is, what being a woman means, and what happens inside a woman’s “world”.

The first two to three chapters, were the absolute hardest for me to comprehend and acknowledge. After some shifts, I made internally I was able to see what he was saying. This book is meant for everyone, and at the same time is it not meant for everyone. Not everyone will have the will power to see what the author is trying to convey. It is a beautiful book if you are in the right place spiritually to “get it”. I put it on the list because it has made a huge impact on the way I see children and my life as a woman now. It was a complete life changer.

Ways to Lower Stress

I have been a bit stressed lately. I have many things going on such as prepping for a new school year and conquering some fears. As some of you know, when I get stressed my body goes out of whack. It makes life hard for me when that happens so taking care of my stress levels is very important. There are many things that I can do to help control the stress so my body stays healthy. Here are a few…

  1. Physical Exercise:

There are many types of physical exercise that can help lower stress. Swimming in the ocean and running have been a lifesavers for me. Running is great for an immediate change in my mental state. Running requires a lot of breathing. Since it is high impact, you can feel the pain from running right away, which helps bring me into the moment. Swimming in the ocean is low impact so I don’t feel the pain as quickly as I do when I run. I really love the salt from the ocean. It helps take out toxins and other emotional energies that are pent up inside.

  1. Deep Stomach Breathing:

Most people, do not do a complete breathing. They breathe very shallow, only into their lungs. When breathing is done correctly, it is done all the way into your stomach. When I do deep breathing to help lower my stress, I start with a huge breath in. The breath starts in my stomach and ends in my upper lungs. Then I release from my upper lungs down to my stomach. This is done slowly and consciously. It keeps my heart and head in the moment. I notice when I do not do this type of breathing I get overwhelmed more easily.

  1. Essential Oils:

Essential oils are good for many things. I use them for my IBS and other ailments I may have. They come in handy for stress in many ways. I use DoTerra brand because I love some of the combinations they have available. There are a few I use for stress. Elevation blend is used in my diffuser. If I am on the go and can’t diffuse the oil, I rub it on my chest. I also use Balance blend. This one is rubbed behind my ears. I put the oils on my pointer finger, cross my arms, and rub it behind my ears. This helps keep my emotions balanced. Intune is another one I use to help me stay focused on what it is that I need to do. I rub it on the back of my neck and bottoms of my feet. Lastly, Lavender helps me stay calm and relaxed. I add this to a little spray bottle and spray it on my sheets and clothes.

  1. Writing:

Writing is one of the best ways for me to lower my stress levels. Since my head tends to over think things it helps to get it all down on paper. I write whatever comes to mind.  This does two things for me. One, it helps me see things in a more realistic manner. When I put it on paper, I am able to see if I am over reacting or not. Second, it helps me order my thoughts so I can see what is more important for me to accomplish. Sometimes we think we need to do everything right now, when some things can wait.

  1. Keeping a Healthy Mindset:

When I am dealing with stressful situations, it is imperative that I make sure my mental thoughts are positive. It has taking me a long time to be able to keep my mental thoughts positive even when everything is going to shit. I have come to enjoy the roller coaster of life events. Instead of saying “why me”, I say “bring it on”. Instead of saying “this is too much”, I say “thank you”. There are so many positive things we can do with our speech that can have a huge impact on how we get through a stressful time.

 

These are just a few of the things I do when I am stressed. I would love to hear what things you do to keep your stress levels low. Let me know what you do and how it works for you!

Te Quiero vs. Te Amo

I have been experiencing so much this past month. Everything from a second degree burn to riding a motorcycle for over 7 hours. I want to write about something that I am learning about the Spanish and English languages.

There are many things that I do not like about the Spanish language compared to English. I find that some words I love to use in English do not translate in a way that I would like it too. However, there are words in English that I am finding are not well defined as it is in Spanish.

One of those Phrases is “I love you”. In English, we use I love you when talking about many things. We use it when talking about our cell phones, our family and friends, our significant others. It is used in many ways.

In Spanish, you have “te quiero” and “te amo”, both translate into “I love you”. Since I have been dating, I have had a few men say “te quiero” to me. This freaked me out because I don’t need a guy “loving” me after a few days of going out with them. I asked a few people to explain the difference to me. No one has explained it to me in a way that made sense to me until recently. Jonathan explained it to me like this…

“Te quiero” is like I love my phone. It’s like “I want you”, more than “I love you”. You can always upgrade your phone when you don’t want it any more. It is also said when you are boyfriend and girlfriend because you could always upgrade them to someone better. “Te quiero” has no commitment or no responsibility, it is just a feeling “Te amo” is used when it is final, there is no upgrade. You really “love” them. You use this with your spouse or family. With your family, you love them no matter what. This doesn’t change. When you marry, it is supposed to be final. With “Te amo”, you don’t give up on that person. It means you know the flaws and all and you chose to still love them.

Once I figured this out, I didn’t freak out as much. I am able to see the difference. I would love for there to be a difference in the “I love you” phrase in the English language. I like you a lot and I love you are different. I feel that “te quiero” is in between the two.

I like having the difference in meaning behind the words “I love you” because there are different types of love. There are many other words used for this is Spanish. “me encanta”, is another one that relates to love. This is used more with objects and places rather than people. Google translates this as “I adore”.

I had questions about what love really was before I moved here. Being immersed in a different culture with a different language has opened my eyes to many things related to love and relationships. It is pretty amazing!

If You Want it… Do It!

 

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Yesterday was an interesting day for me. I felt powerful and at the same time I felt sad. I felt like I was grieving the loss of something. And in reality I am. I really liked the guy that I had been seeing for the last few months. I guess I have to grieve the loss since I can no longer see him in that way because I do not want to settle for less.

I started the day off with breakfast at a restaurant in town and a walk on the beach with a new friend. I cleaned my apartment and took a nap after. I felt like I could have slept all day. I didn’t though. I talked with a friend from the states and my mom. I felt better. I know that it is okay to feel sad because loss happens. I just can’t stay in that sadness, which I was good at doing yesterday. I am proud of myself for not letting the sadness over take my life.

This place across the street has a paint and wine night about once a month. I really didn’t have the money to go yet I knew I had to. So I went. They were painting boats. I wasn’t feeling the boat so I painted a seahorse. The place is really awesome with allowing you to paint whatever you like. I was scared to paint the seahorse. I wasn’t sure I could paint the seahorse the way I wanted to. I wasn’t sure it would come out how I imagined. I questioned whether or not I should do the seahorse or the boat for about half hour. The lady at the paint place said do the seahorse. So, I said you know what F this. I am painting the seahorse. I put my headphones in, tuned out the world, and went into myself.

I started to mix the paint for the background and it wasn’t coming out the color I wanted. I started to be like this is a sign you shouldn’t do this. I said to myself, “no you are doing this.” So, I asked for help. The lady helped me mixed the perfect color. Then I needed to outline the seahorse. I laid the canvas on the table, looked at the picture on my phone, and just painted the outline. Again, I was scared. I am not good at drawing animals or people. This was putting me outside my comfort zone. Yet, I knew this is what I needed toIMG_9613.jpg paint.

Next, I started on the seaweed at the bottom. I had no idea how I was supposed to do the seaweed so I just started. It wasn’t sure how I wanted it to look. I wasn’t feeling the way it was looking. I was thinking how can I start over and erase this. The universe told me “just keep going.” I pushed through with what I was going even though it wasn’t perfect. What I needed to do next just came to me. The seaweed came out perfect. Exactly how I wanted it too.

IMG_9617.jpgIt was time to work on the seahorse itself. I was the most fearful about this part. I was really scared that I would mess it up and the painting would be horrible. I asked for some help. She said to start small. Look at a small portion at a time. I tried this and I wasn’t feeling it. Something told me to just paint the whole damn horse yellow and orange. That’s what I did. It gave me a base coat that so that I could work from there. It wasn’t getting the result I wanted to, so asked for help again. All while thinking I can’t do this. She came over and suggested I use my fingers to get the look I wanted. I am thinking painting on canvas with my fingers?!? That’s new. Again, something said do it. So I used almost every finger on my right hand to get the seahorse to look a certain way. The more I worked with the paint and my fingers the more I began to love the painting. It was coming out great.

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I could tell you step by step what I did, yet that is not the point of this. The point is that I pushed myself every step of the way during this painting. I didn’t think I could do it. I was determined to do this painting. I was determined to make this happen. Yes, I messed up on the fin of the seahorse and I found a way to fix it. I found a way to make it exactly how I wanted it too. I wanted to leave the seahorse plain without the brown lines for its spine because I was afraid I would ruin the beauty I had. I just picked up a brush and went to work. I painting the brown spines exactly where they needed to be. I didn’t second guess myself. I just painted. The final result is perfection. I am completely happy and proud of myself. I didn’t limit myself to something plain because it was too hard to make it perfect. I pushed through the thoughts and my piece came out perfect. It was hard and it was worth it.

 

When you want to do something do it with all your heart. Do it with all you got and it will be perfect. You may mess up and you may need help along the way. That’s okay. Keep pushing because the work you put into it will reward you with something amazing. I am confident and happy today because I didn’t let fear stop me. Love yourself so much that you make things you want a reality. If you want to paint that picture, do it. If you want to write a book, do it. If you want to move, do it. If you want that relationship, make it happen. Life is too short to be scared and fearful of what could happen. If you don’t try, you won’t see what you are capable of. Do it with all your heart with the right intentions and you will be amazed at the end result.

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