Category: Personal Development

25 Spectacular inspirational Songs

What keeps you Inspired and Motivated?

What keeps you inspired and motivated? For some, it is drawing, exercising, or creating something new. I love to do those things, but they don’t give me the motivation I need to push through whatever it is I am working with. MUSIC sets my emotions and energetic core on fire! Songs are what I use to get keep my inspiration alive. It has the ability to touch a part of my soul that make me feel alive and powerful. When my soul is being released, music will be the one that keeps me pushing through the struggle.

Why does music touch the soul? It has the power to touch the soul and bring you alive because it sends out a vibrations that your soul can feel and understand.  Music can penetrate deep into your subconscious and help you understand what your energy and soul are saying. My taste in music has changed drastically since I was a teenage and young adult. Most of the music I listened to back then had a lower energetic feeling that I no longer want to associate with. When I was younger my soul was crying for help. It wanted to be released and loved, the way I love my soul now. The music I listened to reflected that.

My soul is vibrating at a different level so my taste in music now reflects that. This list of songs

have kept me going and strong for the last 5 years. I can never get enough of these. I can put them on repeat and listen to them a million times. Some have lyrics that hit my soul and remind me that I can love myself that way or that I can be the type of person they describe. For others, it’s the way the guitar, drums, and instruments work together to create a harmony that is beautiful and touching.

I hope these songs can inspire and influence you to live a meaningful and strong life that you love!  Leave a comment and tell me what music resonates with you. I would love to hear new inspirational music that my readers love.

  1. Heroes (we could be): Alesso feat. Tove lo
  2. Shut Up and Dance: Walk the Moon
  3. Siren: Kat Krazy feat. Elkka
  4. Beast: Timeflies
  5. Shatter Me: Lindsey Stirling Feat. Lzzy Hale
  6. Stand Up: Elijah Jamal feat. Audiomoe
  7. Mama: Jonas Blue feat. William Singe
  8. I Like Me Better: Lauv
  9. Unstoppable: Sia
  10. Angel by the Wings: Sia
  11. The Greatest: Sia
  12. Home: Machine Gun Kelly, X Ambassadors and Bebe Rexha
  13. Titanium: David Ghetta feat. Sia
  14. Battleships: Daughtry
  15. Whatever it Takes: Imagine Dragons
  16. Hall of Fame: The Script feat. Will.i.am
  17. Elastic Hearts: Sia
  18. Raise you Glass: Pink
  19. Rise: Katy Perry
  20. Let Me Love You: Dj Snake feat. Justin Bieber
  21. Symphony: Clean Bandit feat. Zara Larsson
  22. This is what you came for: Calvin Harris feat. Rihanna
  23. You Got Me: Gavin DeGraw
  24. Sugar: Maroon 5
  25. Beautiful Pain: Eminem feat. Sia

5 Movies with a Profound Meaning… You may not have seen

1. Revolver

I have personally seen this movie over TEN times. It’s an action packed movie with an underlying theme about the ego. After seeing the movie so many times, it is hard to put into words what happens. There are so many little and big clues to the ego over the course of the movie. There are different types of egos being threatened in the movie, Jake Green, Macha, and Sorter. Jake Green is the main character who goes through the most mentally. He is afraid of small spaces, such as elevators, and losing his money. And Jack is forced to deal with himself because of two men, Avi and Zach. Macha is a hotshot casino owner that will kill anyone that stands in his way. Macha doesn’t like to feel inferior or weakened. Green brings out this feeling in Macha. Sorter is the best shooter. Macha hires Sorter to take out Green. He misses every time, which causes him to deal with that part of his ego. He doesn’t understand why he keeps missing.

I don’t want to give too much away as it is such a great movie to watch and decode for yourself. The best part of the movie, for me, was each time I watched it I learned something new about the ego and how it can present itself.  I will leave you with my favorite quote of the movie “Where does this game stop, Mr. Green? Is it me that is playing head games with you, Mr. Green? You’ve heard that voice for so long, you believe it to be you. You believe it to be your best friend. Where’s the best place an opponent should hide? In the very last place you would ever look…. It’s all up here pretending to be you. You’re in a game, Jake. You’re in the game. Everyone is in the game and no one knows it.  And all of this, this is his world and he owns it. He controls it. Tells you what to do. And when to do it… He’s behind all the pain there ever was. Behind every crime ever committed. And right now he is telling you that he doesn’t even exist. We just put you to war with the only enemy that ever existed. And you, you think he is your best friend…. Where’s the best place an opponent should hide? In the very last place you’d every look. He’s hiding behind your pain, Jake.  Embrace the pain and you will win this game. How radical are you prepared to be Mr. Green?”

2. The Impossible

The Impossible is about the strength and perseverance a family has after a tsunami hits the resort they are vacationing on in Thailand. When the tsunami hits, the family gets separated… 2 kids with dad and one with mom. The mom and oldest son get stuck in the flood of rushing water. The mom gets stuck with a tree in the side. They fight to get together as they both are pushed with the raging current. Then another wave of water comes rushing toward them. The mom and son are reunited and begin the journey of finding the father and other two sons. It’s a long journey for them. I won’t give the rest of their trials and accomplishments away.

What the mother went through should have killed her. The son was strong and brave for being able to watch her and support her in all the ways he did. It shows you just how tough the human body is when you need to survive. Perseverance and strength are what this movie is about, from beginning to end.

The dad and youngest two kids had a different journey. The younger two boys need to look after each other as they travel into the mountains alone because the father stays behind to look for the mom and oldest brother. Why the dad didn’t go with them, blows my mind, but it’s still a journey they chose to take. The dad begins to travel from hospital to hospital looking for the brother and mother. Meanwhile, the father and youngest two kids get separated. They all valiantly, triumph through this tragedy.

It truly is the impossible. It proves that we as humans can overcome anything we need to when faced with loss and life. It is all mental. The stronger you are mentally the farther you will go. It is possible to withstand many physical and mental restrictions. This movie proves the impossible is possible!

3. Words and Pictures

A writing teacher and an art teacher create a competition between the students. The art teacher  believe that picture is worth more than thousand words so the english teacher declares war. The competition creates a healthy competition between the students causing them to push themselves to do their best. They chose a subject and each class writes or draws their best work. In a presentation, they will describe why, Words versus Pictures, one is more important.

Each teacher had a passion about their chosen form of art. They used that same art to prove why it’s better. This passion was passed to their students. They created a vivid, truthful, and profound presentation. Each character in the movie, had their struggle that was tested during the course of the movie. How each of them overcame and conquered their fears to create something amazing.

As a teacher, and lover of pictures and words, the movie captured the truth. It showed purpose, truth, and perseverance in the way each artist showed their reason why that form of art was better than the other. Who do you think wins the battle? Possibly, both?

4. Facing the Giants

One reason I watched this movie the first time was because of a short clip I saw on facebook. The clip was of a boy crab walking down the football field blindfolded with a teammate on his back, a death crawl. He told the coach he would go 50 yards. The coach pushed and pushed him to keep going. In the end, the boy finished in the end zone. Everyone was standing in disbelief. They had no idea he could go that far. It inspired me to keep pushing and going just as it did for the players. Having faith that I can accomplish more than I think I can. The clip motivated me and I wanted to know what more the movie had to offer, so I watched the movie.
It is a christian faith based movie about a football coach that has a hard time of it. His car is broken, his house smells, and his wife can’t get pregnant. The group of people team up to talk about replacing his position as coach with someone else because he hasn’t won them a state championship. He uses the words from the bible to bring the boys closer together. They begin to work as a team and win games. The coach made a change within himself which allowed him to move the team forward in a positive light. It moves me every time I see it. The passion and drive he had to change the lives of his players is an inspiration.

5. Exam

The exam is a movie about 8 people interviewing for the most prestigous job. They all have a past that wasn’t easy for them. Now, they have to take an exam, so they enter the room in which the exam will take place. There is a modulator who explains the reasons they were chosen, the rules, and keeps an eye on them during the exam.

The modulator starts the exam by pointing out that the struggles they went through were necessary. The job position they will be in requires them to have resilience to succeed. If they can’t survive the interview process they won’t make it in the job. The company is a powerful company. They can determine certain rules that need to be followed, and their rules are the only rules. The modulator makes sure they understand this my referring to the hardships they had to get to this stage in the interview process.

There are some rules for the exam. They must be followed or they will be disqualified. He reads the rules and asks if there are any questions. They have 80 minutes to find the answer to the question. He says begins and leaves.

The rules for the interview are as follows:

  1. There is one question that requires one answer.  
  2. They are not to try to communicate with the moderator or guard in the room.
  3. They can not spoil your paper, intentionally or by accident.
  4. They can not leave the room for any reason.

The candidates each have a desk, chair, paper, and pencil. They turn the paper over to see what the questions is. There is NO QUESTION!

As they try to figure out the question, they one by one get disqualified for one reason or another. It is a stressful environment for everyone because they have a time limit and no question. Their future careers are on the line. If they don’t answer the question, they won’t be hired. Yet, they don’t have a question to answer. They admit this is the biggest “mind fuck”.  This “mind fuck” tests them causing their personalities to clash in different ways. They each begin to be disqualified one by one.

There are so many little nuances that relate to life and big companies. As they try to figure out the answer, they create conversations and questions about psychology and personalities. These conversations lead to people getting hurt. Only one was able to find the answer and the question.

The one who won, dealt with 3 important things that no one else could while in the room. The 3 qualities needed were listening disposition, attention to dealt, and compassion for their fellow man. These are qualities that not everyone has. I know I struggle with them. Attention to detail, is my hardest. I know this will  and does affect my career in writing.

What I loved about this movie were the questions. Asking myself similar types of questions is how I have been able to raise my level of consciousness and overcome obstacles in my life. This is a thought-provoking movie about life.

Summary:

Each movie has a different aspect about personal development and life that stands out to me. I hope that you enjoy the movies and take from them something valuable. I hope they give you the freedom or motivation you need to push forward in your journey, just as they did mine. Leave a comment and tell me what you think of the movies.

6 Books That Will Change Your Life

6 Books that will change your life.

On this journey of life I am on, I have read many books. Some personal development books I read and thought well that was a waste of time. And there are others, I have read and changed my life. Life is a journey of discovering who YOU ARE and the true potential that YOU HAVE locked away inside. Books, travel, and experience can be the KEY to opening that potential.

I love my job as a teacher. It is rewarding and pays the bills. It is not the main thing I want to do with my life. I want to influence woman (or men) to be courageous, brave, and confident in all they do. My journey of discovery started by reading books. Reading all kinds of books. Christian books to spiritual books to business entrepreneur books. I took what I learned from the different books and used them to become the confident, brave, and independent woman I am today.

Since these books have helped me unlock my TRUE POTENTIAL, I wanted to share them with you so you can UNLOCK your POWER.

1.    Breaking the Cycle of Divorce: John Trent

This was the first book I read when I first started my journey of finding myself. I was going through a divorce and felt lost, hopeless, confused, and scared. The book gives you questions at the end of the chapters to help you start to understand what I happening in your life. When I was able to answer these questions honestly, I was able to see where my faults in my marriage came from. This allowed me to start to overcome them.

Standing alone this book does not help me understand everything. I still had questions after I read it. This book allowed me to start asking myself questions. The books that follow helped give this book more meaning and understanding. It was a great starting book for understanding why my marriage and love life was the way it was.

2.    The Four Agreements and The Four Agreements Companion Book: Don Miguel Ruiz

The Four Agreements is an amazing book that creates a new way of being with four simple yet sometimes hard ideas. The four agreements is great by itself, but the companion book is more in depth. It has questions and asks you to create a journal or notebook to write down your thoughts. It gives you more concrete support because it requires action. It’s not just a book you read and put down, but a book that requires thought and effort.  The Four Agreements is more of a read and put down type book. The companion book takes more time because to get the most out of it you do the activities in the chapters.

I do not suggest reading The Four Agreements Companion Book without first reading The Four Agreements. The main book should be read before the companion book. The Four Agreements goes into detail what the agreements are and how you should use them in your life. The companion guide helps you dig deeper within yourself to recognize where they come from.

3.    The Power of Now: Eckhart Tolle

This book helped me understand exactly what the title says… the POWER of NOW. It allowed me to understand what staying in the moment looked like. In every crisis, there is an opportunity hidden within it that you can unveil. The only way to get what is hidden is by not denying the facts. Understanding and accepting reality as it is in front of you.  Crisis, challenges, and any situation that causes you pain and trouble is there for you to uncover some hidden potential or understanding about yourself. The author speaks about transforming relationships, cycles of life, enlightenment, and the power to choose.

Every chapter has amazing insights into how not being in the moment can affect them. An example from the chapter on relationships that helped me understand why I was so unhappy in relationships is “If you continue to pursue the goal of salvation through a relationship, you will be disillusioned again and again. But if you accept that a relationship is here to make you conscious instead of happy, then you relationship will offer you salvation…” Once I read this and truly comprehended it, it changed my life. This was such a huge problem in my marriage. I wanted him to make me happy. I wanted him to make my life complete. After reading that, I understood that the marriage I had would not bring me the life I wanted. I needed to use the relationships to become conscious. This consciousness would lead to a more rewarding and happy life whether it was with friends, family, or a partner.

This book is great to read if you want to find out what certain things just never work out for you. If you read this book and love it, you will want to read the next book on my list.

4.    A new earth: Eckhart Tolle

A New Earth built on what I read in the Power of Now. It made connections to the world and how I can affect the world. It allowed me to understand how evolving my consciousness can change the world. Tolle talks about how our attachments to people, things, and ideas can affect ourselves and the world around us. Have you ever been around someone that just emanates negative or dense energy that makes you want to run away? This could be due to their dense pain bodies they hid within. Tolle describes how our dense pain bodies affect us and the world around us. Pain bodies are not just within individual people, either. They can be within bigger bodies of people, such as nations or countries. The pain bodies can renew themselves by feeding off of drama and thoughts. For more on pain bodies, I suggest you read the book as it has many different aspects.

The book goes in to discovering inner space and understanding your true purpose. In the chapter about inner space, he stated: “You can participate in the dance of creation and be active without attachment to outcome and without placing unreasonable demands upon the world: fulfill me, make me happy, make me feel safe, tell me who I am. The world cannot give you those things, and when you know longer have such expectations, all self-created suffering comes to an end.” After reading that, I understood that the only person that can give me those things are the person I hide deep within. The world and other people cannot fill those for me. I have to find happiness, safety, and my purpose inside myself.

The book is a great book to build on understanding yourself in a deeper level. It changed my whole perspective on life and where I can find the peace I desired to have.

5.    Naked Marriage: Uncovering Who You Are and Who You Can Be Together- Corey Allen

This is one of my most recent reads. I read this book with my ex-fiancé in the states. We read it together as a way to bond and communicate. We were about to head into a marriage that I wasn’t sure I wanted to go into. The book helps identify some false notions of what it’s like to be married. I know, I had been married before I should know the false notions. And, I did know some of them.

“Naked Marriage encourages you to find yourself and fully reveal yourself, so you and your marriage can become fully alive.”- taken from the about the book section. This book really does that. Each chapter states a “myth” and a “truth” about marriage. Some of the myths were new to me. I believed the myth to be true. Once I understood the myth as false, my relationships started to change, current and future. Three of the myths that stuck out to me and why:

Myth: Happy couples do everything together

Truth: More separation creates desire for togetherness

A marriage needs to have two mature and independent people who come together to enjoy life. If you do everything with your partner the desire dissolves. The book gives examples like “remember when you first met how you wanted desired to see him and be with him?” This happens because you live separate lives so you miss that person. You can keep this feeling if you have different lives together. I looked at my life and found something interesting. My parents have been remarried to other people for many years now. They are happy and living a good life together. Do they do everything together? No, they don’t. My mom owns a bar and my step dad works from home. My dad goes to baseball games and other events with his male friends without my step mom frequently. They really have two different lives together. It works for them. It allows them space to be and grow.

Myth: My spouse is my responsibility

Truth: I am my responsibility

He starts the chapter off with a story about a man and a stranger. The stranger had a rope that he tied to his waste. He handed the rope to the man and asked him to hold it. The man agreed and the stranger jumped off the bridge. The man was forced to hold the rope or the stranger would die. He kept asking how he could help the stranger. The stranger just said keep doing that. The man could only do that for so long. (This is just a quick summary of the story because the story was a little long.) The stranger was a selfish and needy person by putting the man in that position. The man felt trapped. This often happens in relationships. I am guilty of this. I did this in every relationship I have had until recently. All the men felt was cornered and helpless. They wanted to help, but they couldn’t. This happens in friendships as well. We want to cling to the best friend or family member so much that we suffocate them causing them to make a “selfish” decision to leave.

Myth: I must work on my marriage

Truth: My marriage works on me

He isn’t saying if the marriage is failing just give up and divorce. What he is saying is when there is a problem in a marriage, it’s not the marriage, it’s YOU. Marriages can bring out the worse in us, so if we use the marriage as a way to better ourselves the marriage is more likely to grow. Before I got divorced, he and I “worked” on our marriage. We didn’t work on ourselves. We went to counseling. We had dinners together. We did almost everything we could except work on ourselves. Nothing changed. I began to understand this while reading this book. It took me until recently to fully comprehend this.

These were three major things that took me away from myself in the past, but once I acknowledged them as false my life changed. This book could be used in all aspects of life, including friends and family. We tend to think the same “myths” with others.

6.    Does woman exist: John Baines

I saved this book for last because it was a very tough and difficult book for me to read. This book hit a nerve. It caused a major reaction that stopped me from finishing the book. I knew that the book had some great insights into becoming the woman I am today. So, I kept trying to read the book. After 3 tries, over two years, I finally finished the book completely. I have read it twice since then. Does woman exist, hits some major points of what society has told woman they should do and be. Topics include marriage and motherhood. It questions what we think femininity is, what being a woman means, and what happens inside a woman’s “world”.

The first two to three chapters, were the absolute hardest for me to comprehend and acknowledge. After some shifts, I made internally I was able to see what he was saying. This book is meant for everyone, and at the same time is it not meant for everyone. Not everyone will have the will power to see what the author is trying to convey. It is a beautiful book if you are in the right place spiritually to “get it”. I put it on the list because it has made a huge impact on the way I see children and my life as a woman now. It was a complete life changer.

Ways to Lower Stress

I have been a bit stressed lately. I have many things going on such as prepping for a new school year and conquering some fears. As some of you know, when I get stressed my body goes out of whack. It makes life hard for me when that happens so taking care of my stress levels is very important. There are many things that I can do to help control the stress so my body stays healthy. Here are a few…

  1. Physical Exercise:

There are many types of physical exercise that can help lower stress. Swimming in the ocean and running have been a lifesavers for me. Running is great for an immediate change in my mental state. Running requires a lot of breathing. Since it is high impact, you can feel the pain from running right away, which helps bring me into the moment. Swimming in the ocean is low impact so I don’t feel the pain as quickly as I do when I run. I really love the salt from the ocean. It helps take out toxins and other emotional energies that are pent up inside.

  1. Deep Stomach Breathing:

Most people, do not do a complete breathing. They breathe very shallow, only into their lungs. When breathing is done correctly, it is done all the way into your stomach. When I do deep breathing to help lower my stress, I start with a huge breath in. The breath starts in my stomach and ends in my upper lungs. Then I release from my upper lungs down to my stomach. This is done slowly and consciously. It keeps my heart and head in the moment. I notice when I do not do this type of breathing I get overwhelmed more easily.

  1. Essential Oils:

Essential oils are good for many things. I use them for my IBS and other ailments I may have. They come in handy for stress in many ways. I use DoTerra brand because I love some of the combinations they have available. There are a few I use for stress. Elevation blend is used in my diffuser. If I am on the go and can’t diffuse the oil, I rub it on my chest. I also use Balance blend. This one is rubbed behind my ears. I put the oils on my pointer finger, cross my arms, and rub it behind my ears. This helps keep my emotions balanced. Intune is another one I use to help me stay focused on what it is that I need to do. I rub it on the back of my neck and bottoms of my feet. Lastly, Lavender helps me stay calm and relaxed. I add this to a little spray bottle and spray it on my sheets and clothes.

  1. Writing:

Writing is one of the best ways for me to lower my stress levels. Since my head tends to over think things it helps to get it all down on paper. I write whatever comes to mind.  This does two things for me. One, it helps me see things in a more realistic manner. When I put it on paper, I am able to see if I am over reacting or not. Second, it helps me order my thoughts so I can see what is more important for me to accomplish. Sometimes we think we need to do everything right now, when some things can wait.

  1. Keeping a Healthy Mindset:

When I am dealing with stressful situations, it is imperative that I make sure my mental thoughts are positive. It has taking me a long time to be able to keep my mental thoughts positive even when everything is going to shit. I have come to enjoy the roller coaster of life events. Instead of saying “why me”, I say “bring it on”. Instead of saying “this is too much”, I say “thank you”. There are so many positive things we can do with our speech that can have a huge impact on how we get through a stressful time.

 

These are just a few of the things I do when I am stressed. I would love to hear what things you do to keep your stress levels low. Let me know what you do and how it works for you!

Te Quiero vs. Te Amo

I have been experiencing so much this past month. Everything from a second degree burn to riding a motorcycle for over 7 hours. I want to write about something that I am learning about the Spanish and English languages.

There are many things that I do not like about the Spanish language compared to English. I find that some words I love to use in English do not translate in a way that I would like it too. However, there are words in English that I am finding are not well defined as it is in Spanish.

One of those Phrases is “I love you”. In English, we use I love you when talking about many things. We use it when talking about our cell phones, our family and friends, our significant others. It is used in many ways.

In Spanish, you have “te quiero” and “te amo”, both translate into “I love you”. Since I have been dating, I have had a few men say “te quiero” to me. This freaked me out because I don’t need a guy “loving” me after a few days of going out with them. I asked a few people to explain the difference to me. No one has explained it to me in a way that made sense to me until recently. Jonathan explained it to me like this…

“Te quiero” is like I love my phone. It’s like “I want you”, more than “I love you”. You can always upgrade your phone when you don’t want it any more. It is also said when you are boyfriend and girlfriend because you could always upgrade them to someone better. “Te quiero” has no commitment or no responsibility, it is just a feeling “Te amo” is used when it is final, there is no upgrade. You really “love” them. You use this with your spouse or family. With your family, you love them no matter what. This doesn’t change. When you marry, it is supposed to be final. With “Te amo”, you don’t give up on that person. It means you know the flaws and all and you chose to still love them.

Once I figured this out, I didn’t freak out as much. I am able to see the difference. I would love for there to be a difference in the “I love you” phrase in the English language. I like you a lot and I love you are different. I feel that “te quiero” is in between the two.

I like having the difference in meaning behind the words “I love you” because there are different types of love. There are many other words used for this is Spanish. “me encanta”, is another one that relates to love. This is used more with objects and places rather than people. Google translates this as “I adore”.

I had questions about what love really was before I moved here. Being immersed in a different culture with a different language has opened my eyes to many things related to love and relationships. It is pretty amazing!

If You Want it… Do It!

 

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Yesterday was an interesting day for me. I felt powerful and at the same time I felt sad. I felt like I was grieving the loss of something. And in reality I am. I really liked the guy that I had been seeing for the last few months. I guess I have to grieve the loss since I can no longer see him in that way because I do not want to settle for less.

I started the day off with breakfast at a restaurant in town and a walk on the beach with a new friend. I cleaned my apartment and took a nap after. I felt like I could have slept all day. I didn’t though. I talked with a friend from the states and my mom. I felt better. I know that it is okay to feel sad because loss happens. I just can’t stay in that sadness, which I was good at doing yesterday. I am proud of myself for not letting the sadness over take my life.

This place across the street has a paint and wine night about once a month. I really didn’t have the money to go yet I knew I had to. So I went. They were painting boats. I wasn’t feeling the boat so I painted a seahorse. The place is really awesome with allowing you to paint whatever you like. I was scared to paint the seahorse. I wasn’t sure I could paint the seahorse the way I wanted to. I wasn’t sure it would come out how I imagined. I questioned whether or not I should do the seahorse or the boat for about half hour. The lady at the paint place said do the seahorse. So, I said you know what F this. I am painting the seahorse. I put my headphones in, tuned out the world, and went into myself.

I started to mix the paint for the background and it wasn’t coming out the color I wanted. I started to be like this is a sign you shouldn’t do this. I said to myself, “no you are doing this.” So, I asked for help. The lady helped me mixed the perfect color. Then I needed to outline the seahorse. I laid the canvas on the table, looked at the picture on my phone, and just painted the outline. Again, I was scared. I am not good at drawing animals or people. This was putting me outside my comfort zone. Yet, I knew this is what I needed toIMG_9613.jpg paint.

Next, I started on the seaweed at the bottom. I had no idea how I was supposed to do the seaweed so I just started. It wasn’t sure how I wanted it to look. I wasn’t feeling the way it was looking. I was thinking how can I start over and erase this. The universe told me “just keep going.” I pushed through with what I was going even though it wasn’t perfect. What I needed to do next just came to me. The seaweed came out perfect. Exactly how I wanted it too.

IMG_9617.jpgIt was time to work on the seahorse itself. I was the most fearful about this part. I was really scared that I would mess it up and the painting would be horrible. I asked for some help. She said to start small. Look at a small portion at a time. I tried this and I wasn’t feeling it. Something told me to just paint the whole damn horse yellow and orange. That’s what I did. It gave me a base coat that so that I could work from there. It wasn’t getting the result I wanted to, so asked for help again. All while thinking I can’t do this. She came over and suggested I use my fingers to get the look I wanted. I am thinking painting on canvas with my fingers?!? That’s new. Again, something said do it. So I used almost every finger on my right hand to get the seahorse to look a certain way. The more I worked with the paint and my fingers the more I began to love the painting. It was coming out great.

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I could tell you step by step what I did, yet that is not the point of this. The point is that I pushed myself every step of the way during this painting. I didn’t think I could do it. I was determined to do this painting. I was determined to make this happen. Yes, I messed up on the fin of the seahorse and I found a way to fix it. I found a way to make it exactly how I wanted it too. I wanted to leave the seahorse plain without the brown lines for its spine because I was afraid I would ruin the beauty I had. I just picked up a brush and went to work. I painting the brown spines exactly where they needed to be. I didn’t second guess myself. I just painted. The final result is perfection. I am completely happy and proud of myself. I didn’t limit myself to something plain because it was too hard to make it perfect. I pushed through the thoughts and my piece came out perfect. It was hard and it was worth it.

 

When you want to do something do it with all your heart. Do it with all you got and it will be perfect. You may mess up and you may need help along the way. That’s okay. Keep pushing because the work you put into it will reward you with something amazing. I am confident and happy today because I didn’t let fear stop me. Love yourself so much that you make things you want a reality. If you want to paint that picture, do it. If you want to write a book, do it. If you want to move, do it. If you want that relationship, make it happen. Life is too short to be scared and fearful of what could happen. If you don’t try, you won’t see what you are capable of. Do it with all your heart with the right intentions and you will be amazed at the end result.

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What New Goals Have You Set?

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Hey Everybody,

The last time I wrote I talked about a mistake I had recently made. It took me a few days to come to terms with the mistake and the fact that I hurt someone. I felt horrible. I spoke with some of my friends and I realized that beating myself up about it was not going to change anything. I couldn’t do anything about what happened except forgive myself and move on. So that’s what I did. I forgave myself and moved on. I figured out what I needed to change so it hopefully doesn’t happen again.

Since then I have been able to just be myself again. A better version of myself because now I am stronger. I also have a better understanding of myself and the things that scare me. The person I hurt has forgiven me. I cannot say it is back to how it was because that is impossible. I can say that we are in a better place now. There is more love and understanding than there was before. There were a lot of things that we both realized. We chose to “start over”. I can say that I have never been able to just start over with someone before. The past has always been there. With him, I have been able to start fresh from this new place and keep going. It feels right and it feels good. This is a new thing for me because we both started from a new place. Things are definitely different yet they are how it’s supposed to be. It feels so much better. It feels more right than it did before.

It is crazy how you can try the same things with other people and it never work. There is always something there. It feels amazing to start fresh and come from a good place. I wish I could describe this better. There just are no words for what has happened and who I am now.  I have grown as a person. I accomplished a goal that I set out to have 6 years ago. I achieved my goal and now it’s time for a new and bigger goal.

On Tuesday night, I made a new goal with myself and the universe. I will do everything in my power to achieve this goal because it’s important to me and the journey it will take me to get to that goal will be one that will change my life forever just as the last goal I had did. Who I am now compared to 6 years ago is a completely different person. If you told me 6 years ago I would be where I am now I’d never believe you. So I know that in whatever time it takes me to achieve this goal I will look back and say the same thing. I am ready for the next level of my life so it takes a next level goal. I am going to do everything in my power to make these goals a reality because it is my life and I chose to go after what I want.

Everybody, make goals that will change you as a person. Make goals that will push you to be a better you. Make goals that will test you. Make goals that will get motivated to become stronger. You got this!! And I will tell you… you are worth it!!

You MUST love yourself FIRST!

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Hey Everybody,

Have you ever had negative energy you can’t seem to get rid of? Or thoughts that are so strong you think they are real?

I’ve been having that happen to me recently. I have been having a reaction to something that happened the other day. My ego can’t handle it for a few reasons. One reason is no one would love me enough to do that. Second, I am not good enough to be with so why would someone do that? These are thoughts I have been having since I was a child. They are always there and they try to destroy my relationships. They are back again in full force. They are trying to find every reason possible that I will get hurt and that I need to back off. Some of the reasons are not even real. They are happening because I am scared. I am vulnerable. My ego doesn’t like being vulnerable so it tries to close me off.

I don’t know what is going to happen. I could get hurt because I have expectations that I shouldn’t have. These expectations about the situation are what will get me hurt. I want things which is good it gives you some sense of purpose and at the same time if the other person doesn’t want those things either it can cause harm. My ego is telling me that I need this so therefore I should get it. That’s not the case. Yes, I do need things yet no one is entitled to give it to me except me. So if I put this expectation on someone else I no longer have control because it’s outside of me. I need to give it to myself.

People do love me enough and I am good enough. I know this because I have myself and I love myself. I won’t let myself go. I won’t let myself down. I am always here for me. Or at least I thought I was. I have a friend here with me. She has been here since Thursday. I have given myself space and I haven’t given myself enough space. I haven’t done my breathing. I haven’t exercised. I haven’t cried because I need to cry. I have been holding all my emotions in because my friend is here. This is not loving myself. This is not being there for myself. I have written and talked about what is going on. I haven’t taken the time to just be within myself. I haven’t given myself the space to let go of the emotions I am having. Doing this is one of the most important things for me to do. Crying and moving the emotions are things that I have to do or my thoughts run wild. I begin to think I am not good enough and no one loves me. This is because I am not loving myself. I am not there for myself to let myself know I am good enough.

Today I will give myself love and time. I will move the emotions. I will be here for myself because I have to be here for myself. No one else will be here for me except me. No one else knows exactly what I need except me. I am the only one who can figure out what is best for me. I can talk to people all day long and at the end of the day I am the only one I need to talk to. I am the only one that knows the answers to my questions. I am the only one who can give me the love that I need.

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Shifting Your Perspective on Pain

“Sometimes we need to be hurt in order to grow. We must lose in order gain. Sometimes, some lessons are learned best through pain.” This quote is hitting home for me right now. I am hurting and losing so that I can grow and learn. I am learning so much about myself with this pain and hurt. There are so many lessons I am learning even though I am angry, upset, and mad. Those things are just my ego telling me that I am the victim. I had to yell and scream before I was able to say there is something on the other side of those feelings. My heart said “listen to me. I can show you the way to happiness.” I started listening and found out what I can do to better myself so that I can grow and be happy. I found out that I need to be honest and direct about the things that are being told to me by my intuition. Doing the things my heart is telling me is hard. I want to cry because a part of me doesn’t want to do it. I don’t want to go through this pain and hurt. I want it to be easy and pain free. That isn’t going to happen all the time because some lessons are learned best through pain.

Last night my fiancé and I got into a fight about something we have fought about many times in the past. It’s really hard to be a thousand miles away from the one that you love. You don’t have the physical or normal ways you use to show affection. All you have in communication. You can skype or facetime yet it’s still based on communication. I knew making this move to Costa Rica would test our communication in more ways than one. Last night, really brought to light how important communication is. We haven’t always had good communication when we lived with each other. I knew moving down here we would have to find new and healthier ways to communication. That’s one of the millions of reasons I made the move. We are supposed to get married next year. I don’t want to marry him unless I know we are in the right space for that. We aren’t right now. After this year of growth and struggle we will be. Why? Because we will have built an amazing foundation that was made from hard work and communication. Once that is built, we will be able to get through anything.

I have been learning that trusting in the universe and having faith will give you everything you need and more. I have been having emotions I haven’t had in over a year. These emotions are high in energy.  They are the driving force for me to dig deep within myself. These are the emotions that are giving me strength to put myself out there. I am feeling so feminine and beautiful. I am feeling confident and secure. I am in pain and I am in love. Life is such a wonderful thing.

Take away, that pain does not always have to be a horrible thing because in that pain you will find truth, love, and growth. How long it takes, depends on how long you take to let your guard down and let the truth, love, and growth into your heart.

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What is marriage?

Being home has given me a lot to think about over the next few months. There are so many things that I have yet to learn about myself. Getting married is one of them. Getting married is a huge deal. It’s not something that someone should take lightly. I learned this the hard way. I’ve been married once before and thinking about getting married scares the crap out of me. I love my fiancé and he is the most amazing man in the world to me. The things I learn from him are beyond anything I could ever ask for. He pushes me in ways no one else could. He sees things that I don’t see within myself and pushes me to be better. It’s amazing.

So, this brings me to the point of getting married and it being a huge deal. He asked me to marry him last year. We are planning to get married in Costa Rica next year. This is scary. I want to start planning and getting things started. At the same time, I am not ready. I am not ready to start planning and getting things ready because I am not sure. I am absolutely, sure I want to marry Jon. There is no question in my mind that he is the perfect one for me. In fact, I don’t have any questions. There are things about myself that I am not ready to deal with. I am not in a place where I want to be mentally.

Some of the things I want to come to understand is that I don’t need to get married for everyone else. I don’t need to have a fancy ceremony or go to an exotic place to one up my previous wedding. I need to get married when I am ready and he is ready. Marriage is about the laws of nature. It doesn’t matter what papers you have, it matters what you do to grow yourself into a more aware and honest person.

One of the things that I really love about Jon is his sense of what marriage is. It is something that I never thought of. It is something that doesn’t make sense to people. It didn’t make sense to me at first either. It took me a while to get to the point of understanding I have now. I still have a long way to go to understand how he sees marriage, yet I think it is important.

Marriage is deep. Marriage is not just a piece of paper. Marriage is not a fancy wedding. Marriage is between two people and nature. I am not sure how to explain it in words that would make sense. So here is the only way I know how to explain it. I found an article online called “The nature of sacred marriage”. It gives the best explanation possible.

“When Nature is not included in the marriage covenant and in its purpose, then marriage is no longer sacred. It becomes a vehicle with which to measure personal happiness, and if and when this happiness disappears in the face of difficulty, it is not surprising that many marriages end. A sacrament partakes of the Eternal – of the order of Life.  It cannot be altered by law or edict, even though its sacred nature may be forgotten or abused. Marriage, as sacrament, reflects Nature’s intention to share the gifts of love and the joy of love with two, who, through their love, will bring the fruits of their joining to the world for the benefit of the world as well as for themselves. These fruits include but go far beyond the bearing of children. They are the fruits of the soul, the expressions of the soul, bringing what is Divine in each partner into greater manifestation, making each one a truer reflection of their inner being. The sacramental nature of marriage makes it more than a physical bond, more than an emotional bond. It is, in its deepest meaning, a spiritual bond, built out of the depth of love between two souls. To consecrate a marriage is to bring it into concordance not with two wills but with three – that of the two souls involved and that of nature.” (they used God. I changed it to nature)(http://lightomega.org/Ind/Pure/Sacred_Marriage.html)

This is what I am learning to understand because I want a happy and long-lasting marriage. I want something that is a whole lot more than my last marriage. I want something that has depth and meaning. With Jon, I have that. I have someone who will push me to think differently. I have someone who will tell me the truth. He and I both know that the depth can be deeper. He and I both know that we have to grow more in tune with nature’s laws to have a lasting and fruitful marriage. That is what we are striving for. Until we feel in tune to nature’s laws marriage will be put on hold. We may have a five-year engagement, who knows. It is okay because MARRIAGE takes work so we will do some work now to make sure it we are doing it for the right reasons.

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