Category: Stories

Letters to Loved Ones

My favorite picture from when I was younger. Those are my Memom’s hands.

When you miss someone in your life because the time was cut short due to death or other circumstances. Writing a letter to someone from your past is a great way to move forward and build closure. It is also a way to get the thoughts out of your head and into the universe. Writing is a great way to give self-love.

Memories

Memories from the past can always be with us. We may not remember them every minute of every day, but they are there, in our mind. We have memories of childhood, adolescence, and adulthood. Some amazing memories, some sad and painful, they are always part of us. 

We all have those moments in our lives that we have close to us. That special moment with a grandma or grandpa, sister or brother. Moments that we can never get back because of a death or loss of some kind. 

Memories whether good or bad can give us a sense of hope or perseverance. 

My grandmother who was the backbone of our family when I was younger passed away unexpectantly when I was nine years old. I know that she is always here with me. She is cheering me on from the afterlife. I have a sense of hope and perseverance knowing that she will always protect me in some way or another.

I was reminded that our family and friends are always with us in spirit no matter what happens. They are with us, in memories and spirit. I have so many memories from the past that I hold near and dear to my heart. Those memories will never be forgotten. 

I wrote a letter to my Memom.

Today, I saw the new live-action LION KING. It brought back so many memories for me. When the original Lion King came out a long, long time ago, I saw it with my Memom. It was my first time seeing a movie in the theater. I went to see it alone because it wouldn’t be the same seeing it with someone else. 

Seeing the movie was a sad and rewarding experience. I was able to remember my Memom and the first time we spent in the movie theater seeing The Lion King. So, I decided to write her a letter. I missed having her present for so many events in my life.

Dear Memom,

I know you have been watching from where ever you are. You have seen me grow and change in so many ways. You have seen me teach my self through high school. You have seen me nanny some amazing children over the years. 

I know that I am not perfect and I have made some mistakes. You have seen me learn from a broken marriage to leaving a life I was fighting to survive in. I battled and won depression. I found myself and you saw me do it all. 

I don’t know what life would be like if you were here. I would hope that you would be proud and excited about the work I have done to become the woman I am today. I would have loved for you to have seen me walk down the aisle or been there to comfort me during the divorce. 

Even though I couldn’t experience your physical presence, I know you were there spiritually. You always are with me because I tattooed a fairy sitting on the moon for you. I never wanted to forget the times we had.

Remember when we handed out food to the homeless man in the park on Thanksgiving? Remember when you used to buy Jodi and I scratch-off lottery tickets? Remember the last New Years we spent making a fort out of the boxes from daddy’s move to WV? Remember making steak and salad every Sunday? 

We had so many good times. I loved reading Grover Sleeps Over and Barney before bed. I remember my toes used to be so cold, but since the bed was so comfortable it didn’t matter. I still have my Grover and white bear. You remember the time when I tore my blanket and cried until you fixed it and returned it to me? Or the times you made my Halloween costumes? Like the tube of toothpaste with lampshade cap that hurt my head? 

These are the memories I will carry with me forever. Thank you for always being there for me when I was little. You mean (meant) the world to the entire family. My mom and sister loved you as much as I did. I know they miss you every day. Daddy and I miss you the most. We talk about you all the time. Every anniversary, we reminisce about the times we spent with you. 

I love you. I miss you. And you are in my thoughts. I learned how to give without taking from you. You taught my daddy so many things that he taught me over the years. Life is good, Memom. 

Love you forever,

Ashley

P.s. One last thing I remember… Do you remember when we stopped at Checkers? You know the time we had no gas but magically the gas tank filled up to ⅓ left? That is a time I never forgot. We had a great day that day. We had a moment together that was magical. I have taken that with me because things like that happen to me all the time. Is that you watching over me making sure I am making the most of my life? Protecting me in some way from the afterlife? 

If it is… thank you. 

This is my Memom, Daddy, and Pepop at my parent’s wedding.

What a Weekend!

It has been a pretty socially fulfilling this weekend. My friends from Liberia came to spend the night and go to the beach. We laughed, had a cookout, and spent time on the beach. It was amazing. I finished my first week teaching online with Open English.

Open English

I started teaching for Open English last Saturday. I took the job so I could make some extra money during the summer to pay off some bills. In the past, I never wanted to teach online. I am in a new place now so I thought I would give it a try. It’s only for a few months during the year. 

I have been loving it. I have a set schedule, but I can pick up classes whenever I want too. I don’t need to leave my house. I can walk Nina during the day. It’s been super nice. It doesn’t pay a whole lot, but it is enough to supplement my current income. 

The shifts are two hours long. The classes are from 25 to 27 minutes each. So, I teach 4 classes a shift. I have between 1 to 4 students in each class. The students are kids ranging from 8 to 14. They may be younger or older, but I haven’t had any. They are from Spanish countries as far north Mexico and as far south as South America goes. (I didn’t study South American geography.) The student understands and speaks basic English or higher.

Friends came to visit. 

They came Saturday night. We went grocery shopping for food to grill out on the porch. They don’t have a grill so I thought it would be a nice treat for them. We made rice and beans and tortillas in the house. On the grill, I made mixed veggies and chicken. It was a nice spread of food. We devoured it. We had great laughs about nipples and life. We didn’t go to bed until way after midnight. 

We woke up early on Sunday. They helped me with my VIPKid summer teacher showcase video, cooked breakfast, and prepared for the beach. Once at the beach, we went swimming, took a nap, played with Nina, and enjoyed each others company. It was a really relaxing day. We got to meet some new people who are staying at the Westin Hotel by the beach. 

Nina was in heaven. Her favorite place is the beach. She gets scared of the water, but she has come a long way. She entered the water alone quite a few times. Nina, however, gets too excited when people run and play with her. So, she had to take a rest from playing to control herself. 

One of my friends was sick. She toughed it out and made it through a great day at the beach. We had a great day despite the sickness. I love seeing her so it was so worth it! (even if I do get sick)

We had another wonderful dinner after the beach. We bought some fresh red snapper and fried it whole. Prepared some veggies and rice and beans to go with it. It was a great ending to my time with them. 

Unexpected Job offers. 

I get paid in a few days, but I had some unplanned purchases this month making my money very tight. I have $5 to last me the next five days. I was budgeting it out so I can make sure I have the cash I need on hand. The budget was going to work. I was happy. I wasn’t stressed. I was making it happen. 

To top off the end of the weekend, I got two jobs offers today. 

Job One

I get a message around 1:30 p.m. from a babysitting company I occasionally work for. She wanted to know if I could work that evening from 8 p.m. until midnight. I replied no questions asked, “YES!”. I will make a few bucks that will help me feel more comfortable for the next four days. 

Also, I love working for the babysitting company because I get to see some places I couldn’t afford to see on my own. This place is at the new W hotel on Playa Conchal. It has been here for like 6 months or so. Very upscale. 

I get paid for transportation since I don’t have a car. So, when it’s late at night I pay Jonathan to take me and pick me up. We had the run around trying to get on to the W hotel property. They had us go from one gate to another. And He couldn’t drop me off at the main entrance. I had to walk from the employee entrance. It was a mess. We had a huge laugh about it. Definitely, well worth it. The hotel is GORGEOUS! 

Job Two

While on the way to the W hotel, I got a facebook message from a friend of mine. They wanted to know if I could take over their position at a local club. It’s not paid (as far as I know), but it is a huge network of amazing woman that I have come to love over the last two years here. I am going to have to speak to her later this week for specifics. 

I am not sure any of the specifics like how much time she spends working on the club, if it pays any (I am sure it doesn’t), or anything else. I only know what I know from the participation I have with them. There is probably so much she does from behind the scenes that no one sees. I am pretty open to the possibility of being the leader. 

I love volunteering and being apart of the community. This group does so much for the locals here in Costa Rica. It is super amazing and I couldn’t imagine not having this group in my life.

Remembering the Phoenix Inside

Have you ever made decisions in your life that took you to a place you’ve never been? Everyone has at some point in their life. That is what the last two years have been like for me. One decision after another that is a life-changer. The biggest one being moving my life to Costa Rica. 

Sometimes I look back at what I had before I made the move and I miss it. I miss my SUV. I miss the comforts of the US. I miss my friends. I miss IHP. I miss my family. I wonder what life would be like today if I had stayed in the States. 

Would I be the same person I am today? 

I don’t think I would be the same person I am today. Making the move started something in me that has gone away. Writing and working toward a self-love coaching business has grown into something I never had imagined when I started writing 2 years ago. If I had stayed, I wouldn’t have this amazing blog. If I had stayed, I wouldn’t have Nina. If I had stayed, I would still be living to survive. 

I am not always happy. I don’t always want to get out of bed in the morning. And I sure as hell don’t have the energy I had when I first moved here. I doubt my decisions (even though I would never change them if I had the chance). Life isn’t always sunshine and roses. There are so many people out there on their blogs that make life seem grand and wonderous all the time. I can’t do that because it would be a lie. The life we live is full of ups and downs. If we aren’t honest about the downs, how can we appreciate the ups? 

I don’t want to fool anyone.

This blog is about being honest with oneself. If I want to show you how to be honest with oneself, I have to do that too. I have to admit the mistakes I make. I have shared the downs in the past and will continue to do so because it is the truth. Even though I live in paradise, it isn’t always easy. 

I love living here and it is amazing in so many ways. I have beaches and it’s hot all the time. There is so much to explore and so many amazing people to meet. Volunteering opportunities are all around me. It is paradise here.

Paradise doesn’t equal happiness.

My outer world is full of amazing and wonderful opportunities. I have a wonderful dog that protects and loves me in ways I never imagined. I have a few close friends that allow me to be me and still love me no matter what. I have family that is here for me whenever I need them. My family and I talk on the phone often sharing what happens in life. Life is so fulfilling on the outside. On the outside, I live in paradise. 

One the inside, I am struggling. I am fighting demons that don’t want me to grow and live the life I know I can have. Fighting the thoughts of not being good enough are happening within me. I am battling constant headaches that keep me in bed most days. It’s hard to let people in because of the feelings I have inside. I wonder where it all came from. I haven’t felt this way in a few years. Even though, I struggled when I got to Costa Rica my internal self was strong. It doesn’t feel that way now.

Remembering the Phoenix inside

Last year, I hit a place in my life I never thought I would happen. That day I knew I needed a reminder that I can make it to where I want to be because how I felt that day wouldn’t last forever. I knew that I would have to burn to ashes again and again. I would have to work through more demons and thoughts. So, I got my Phoenix tattoo. 

It is visible. It is right where I need it to be. Every day when I wake up I see it. I am reminded that I will rise again, but for now, I need to fight and burn what I think I am to the ground. This will allow me to be reborn into the beautiful and amazing person I know I am deep inside. 

I am right where I need to be. Even though I miss aspects of my past, I do love my present. I love Nina, my friends, and family. 

In the struggle, I still have me.

In this struggle, I still have me. I am still amazed at the person I am today. Who I have become in the last two years hasn’t been for nothing. It has become a stepping stone for me to continue to grow into the wonderful woman I know I am.

The thoughts of feeling worthless and not good enough keep me pushing to achieve the next level of amazement. I don’t know when that will happen and it is okay that I don’t know. I am figuring out how much I am worth it. The struggle is allowing me to grow. It is creating self-love so deep that I am unstoppable. 

Self-love is important.

I wouldn’t be able to fight the way I do if I didn’t have the self-love I have. For all of you out there fighting an inner battle, know that self-love will be the foundation that will keep you standing tall. Great self-love mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually are key to winning the battle. I wouldn’t be where I am today if I didn’t show myself the love I do every day.

It all started with… Self Love

For most of my childhood into my teenage years, I thought that I was an extrovert. I craved attention and was always the life of the party. I would do random stuff like play pocket twister in the middle of the mall with my friends. I was never happy. It seemed right. It seemed as though I was living the perfect life. 

When I was married, my then husband and I would go out drinking having fun. I had so many friends. On my wedding day, I had bridesmaids that were my best friends. You know, living life. All while I was dying inside. I had no idea what I needed and I never took care of myself the way I do now. 

After my divorce, I started to dig deeper within myself. I wanted to be happy. I wanted to take control of my life. All those bridesmaids I had disappeared (except my sister). Two of which I had been friends with for 20 years. 

Seriously, I lost everything. My marriage, my friends, and life as I knew it. I was devastated. Not because I lost everything, but because I didn’t know who I was anymore. 

I had to figure out how to give myself love. I had to find who I truly was deep inside. 

It all started with… Self Love.

I started giving myself love in small ways, like getting my nails done when I was having a hard time. I was learning how to truly love myself. I was not always the cleanest person, so I started making sure my care was clean and my house was clean. I started making sure I was eating healthier foods. So many little things I never did to love my body and my mind. 

After a time, that self-love grew deeper. I began to forgive my family and myself. I let go of what happened in my marriage. I owned my mistakes and put myself in his shoes. I came to peace with many aspects of my childhood. 

I acknowledged that fact that I am not an extrovert. Deep inside, I am an introvert. I crave my alone time. I NEED the space to feel my emotions and process my thoughts. I HAD to learn to be who I truly am. 

Being an introvert is different than an extrovert.

Extroverts need to be around people to recharge and feel fulfilled. Introverts need time away from people to be with themselves. The self-love for each type is so different. Introverts like me need to go on dates with themselves. While extroverts need to go out an socialize. 

Self-love is as hard as it is. Giving yourself the wrong type of self-love can be damaging to your entire life. It took me years to figure this out. I actually figured this out when I took the Myer’s Briggs personality test in College. 

The test told me I was an INFJ. The “I” stands for an introvert. 

I was shocked and blown away by this. I didn’t want to believe it. I thought I was an extrovert my entire life. After some thinking and manifesting, this changed the way I saw myself, which changed my life.

I think all the self-love I was doing before I took that test was preparing me for the shift I needed with my mind. I knew in my heart for so many years that I wasn’t an extrovert. When I began to give myself love, I began to see things differently. So, after the test results, life made sense. Everything was complete. My mind, body, and soul where one. 

I knew who I was at that moment.

I found my true self. The work didn’t stop there though. I am still working on the self-love because self-love is a never-ending process. I am learning new ways to show myself love for my personality type and for my needs. 

If we can’t love ourselves truly, we can’t love others truly. 

It all starts with… Self Love!!

Revolver and the EGO

Revolver is one of my favorite movies. I gave a brief description of it a few months ago in a post. You can read it here. The reason I decided to do a more in-depth post is because of one scene.

**If you haven’t seen the movie I wouldn’t read any further.**

As you all know, the movie is about the EGO. That voice in your head that tells you what to do and when to do it. It tells you how you feel and what makes you mad. It runs your life and we think it is helping us.

Revolver does a great job of explaining what the ego does and how it stops us. The movie takes you from the withdrawal of starting to make changes in your life to the end where you know that the ego isn’t you.

The ego takes on so many different types of faces. The movie shows you so many manifestations of this. I only want to talk about one in particular.

The Elevator Scene

Towards the end of the movie, Jake Green goes to confront Macha. Macha is asleep when Green goes into his bedroom. He has a gun and is ready to shot him. Jake stands there with the gun in his hand and his ego going mad. He has a conversation with his ego. His ego wants him to kill Macha. The ego uses everything against him to try to get him to kill Macha. It is a huge fight within himself. He doesn’t know what is right or wrong.

In the end, Green apologizes to Macha, kneels on the end of the bed. He tells Macha he is a man to be feared and respected. Jake acknowledges his stupidity and asks him to forgive him. He walks away.

After he leaves the bedroom, he walks to the elevator and gets on.  His biggest fear is the elevator. He hates closed spaces.

Watch this video from youtube to see the struggle between Green and his ego. It is the perfect representation of the ego.

He defeated his ego by apologizing. His ego knows he is about to lose the battle to gain control of his life. His Ego wants Green to stay angry and obsessed with money and power. The ego wants him to feel weak and helpless.

The narrator, tells us “the greatest con that he ever pulled, was making him believe that he is you.” Jake is calm and collected on the outside. He is no longer bothered by the childish fit his ego is pulling on the inside.

Jake realizes he controls the ego no the other way around. He has found himself. He is no longer tied to money, power, and greed.

This is such an amazing portrayal of what happens when we start taking control of ourselves fully. We let the ego know, it no longer controls us. The ego goes mad and does what it can to keep you the way you are. It doesn’t want you to grow.

Why this scene is important

This is something that everyone can relate too. We all have this fight within ourselves between the ego and our true self. It shows us the ego in a way that you can’t forget. Pretty much any negative emotion that arises is the ego trying to take control.

I know for me, when I am going through times of growth this is stronger and more powerful than most. It comes up when I am angry or jealous. It comes up when I want to get revenge or be an ass to someone because they did something to me.

Recently, this fight with my ego is intense. I am learning to be powerful and brave. My ego tells me I am not worthy. It says I am no good enough for many things. It says I deserve the life I have and nothing more.

I know this isn’t true. I know that I can have a better life than the one I have now. I figured this out long ago when I fought to become the person I am today.

Like I said in a previous post, personal development is a lifelong commitment. If you grow past one thing, there is always something deeper to discover. Keep fighting the ego and listen to your true self. It is there and it will guide the way to greatness. Love yourself, and manifest a mindset shift, and become superwoman (or superman)!

Living in Paradise

Life in Paradise is full of ups and downs. It, however, is so worth it. There is less stress and anxiety. Living in Costa Rica has been a life changer for me. There are so many new things to learn and explore.

Living in Paradise is AMAZING!

My piece of paradise here in Costa Rica is Pura Vida, which translates to Pure Life. It really is a pure life. As I write this article, I am standing in a pool with a gorgeous view of Tamarindo Bay. I have my new MacBook Air, a smoothie, and some great food. My hair is wet and my skin is tan. It is a blessing to be able to do this whenever I want.

Me working on the blog while relaxing in the pool
Me working on the blog while relaxing in the pool

Since my apartment doesn’t have a pool, I can go to a local hotel, pay some money, and swim all afternoon. Enjoying the amenities the hotel has to offer. This one is the Best Western Tamarindo. They have a wonderful restaurant, pool, and view. All I have to do to enjoy all of that is buy $10 worth of food. I think it’s worth it.

The view from the Best Western in Tamarindo. Amazing trees and beach in the distance
The view from the Best Western in Tamarindo

I love being able to enjoy a day out and get some work done for the website. It is cheap and great to try something new. When people come to visit, I can recommend a great place to relax or stay.

It is difficult to get depressed.

I struggled with getting vitamin D in Maryland in the winter time. I often got depressed during that time of year. It was always hard to stay active. I hated going outside because it was so cold and often dark. The days were shorter. It was a fight to stay happy.

Here, it is very different. Since the sun is always shining, I am constantly getting more than enough vitamin D. Even in the rainy season, I am still happy and upbeat. The temperature doesn’t get below 65 degrees Fahrenheit and the days are always the same length. 12 hour days every day, all year long. The sun comes up at 5:30 am and goes down at 5:30 pm. Sometimes it varies by half an hour.  

I mean, how can you get depressed when you live in this amazing place? I know I can’t

Nature is everywhere!

When I mean nature is everywhere…. I mean EVERYWHERE! I get scorpions in my house. I know people who get snakes and tarantulas in their houses. Thank goodness it hasn’t happened to me. There always birds flying around. You can hear the monkey’s howling in the distance. Roosters, chickens, and cows walking across the street or nibbling on the grass. No matter where you go, you will find some amazing sights to see.

An iguana chilling in the tree
An iguana chilling in the tree

You have National Parks, protected wildlife areas, and of course the beach. It is super amazing to be so close to nature all day, every day.

Life is Pura Vida

Once you visit here, you begin to understand the Pura Vida life. It is one of tranquility and peace. I can’t lie. Life is not always easy. It has its “downs”. I have some debt from the changes with my blog. The students in my class are a rough bunch of kids. I don’t have the perfect relationship with the man I love.

This doesn’t stop me because Costa Rica has taught me to live a Pura Vida life. I keep pushing to achieve my dreams. I experience new things to broaden my mind. I breathe and focus on manifesting my dreams. Little by little my life changes for the better.  You have to have the downs to know what the good is.

Mindset Shift

a coin on the ground

A few years ago, some friends of mine were walking on the beach with me. One of them bent down to pick up a coin off the ground. She told me that she picks up the money she sees because if she doesn’t she won’t have good luck with money. If she doesn’t pick one up, the money won’t come to her again.

Since then, I pick up every coin I see on the ground. Sometimes I find 100 colones and sometimes I find 10 colones. One time, I found $1 worth of colones on the ground.

Until recently, I never missed a coin. I started to question what she said, just slightly.

Everything has energy, right?

Yea, it does. Every time you touch something (or walk into a place), you leave energy and you pick up the energy that was there before. Some energy is better than others. So, this got me thinking…

What if the coin I was picking up had negative energy? Like the person was bad with money and they lost the money due to a negative mindset around money.

Right, so?

What if I pick up that money and now have that bad luck with money?

I choose to risk this and find out. There were a few times where I saw some money and decided not to pick it up depending on how the money “felt”. I was walking in Huacas and I saw some money on the ground. I looked at the money and thought about picking it up. I choose not to because I didn’t feel right.

Two days later, I found more money in the parking lot of the Maxi Pali. I did the same. I felt it and thought about picking it up. This time I did because I felt it was right.

Then a few days later, someone gave me money to help with my monthly bills. I don’t know what would have happened if I had picked up that first coin, but I am willing to leave money that doesn’t feel right. I would rather have little money than have money that is tainted in some way.

This can be applied to relationships and everything else in our lives.

Just because a relationship seems promising or it has something you really like, doesn’t mean you need to “keep” it. People carry energy just like money. If someone is dealing with something in their lives, it doesn’t mean you need to be with them all the time. Occasionally, they need space to be with their thoughts, to deal with themselves.

If you don’t shift your mindset, you will keep getting the same things.

What to do on Rainy Days

It seems like October Weather in Costa Rica came a bit early this year. It has been raining PRETTY MUCH ALL DAY for 2 weeks. This normally doesn’t happen in May. Right now, we should be having rainy nights, not rain ALL DAY!

When it rains all day, you can’t go to the beach. Since most of what you can do is outdoors in Costa Rica, I had to find ways to keep myself busy while having fun indoors. I wanted to share this with you because these can happen during snow days, rainy days, or really any day you want to spend inside.

Play Cards

Since I collect cards, this is one of my favorite things to do on a rainy day. There are so many card games you could play. Here are my favorite games to play. Click on each

King’s Corners

Rummy

Crazy Eights

Egyptian Rat Screw

UNO with cards

Bake Something

I always get the craving for something sweet when it rains. I have a few go to recipes for desserts I use when it rains. Not only am I able to listen to music and make a mess, I get an amazing hot treat. Here are my top recipes.

PopTarts

I do make these a little differently than the recipe. I don’t actually make the rhubarb and strawberry compote. I just use strawberry jam. It comes out great and it’s a bit easier to do.

Brownies

Since I always have nesquick chocolate powder mix for hot chocolate. It’s simple and so delicious!

Peanut Butter Cookies

I have been making these since I was a kid. They are simple, easy, and soooo good!

Read a Book

I am sure there is a book you have always wanted to read. Why not take a rainy day to knock that book off your list? Curl up on the couch or in your bed with a cup of tea or hot chocolate, and enjoy a good book. I have a list of books that you could choose from if you need some help.

JUST DANCE!

Just DANCE! Even if you don’t have an Xbox, you can still enjoy a great workout and fun time doing just dance. I use these in my classroom for rainy days. The kids and I both love it. Head to youtube and find a song that moves you! Here’s a list of my favorites.

Timber

Starships

Dynamite

Animal

Where have you been

That Power

Other Ideas

There are so many things you can do at home on a rainy day. Draw and color a picture. Organize messy areas of your house. Paint. Have a deep conversation with a friend. Write a letter to someone special. Pillow fights. JUST HAVE FUN!

Learning a New Language

cloud forest bridge that says "Me encanta Costa Rica"

Yesterday, it hit me. I noticed how far I have come with learning Spanish. I called Jonathan because my messages weren’t going through. We had a good 5-minute conversation, IN SPANISH!! Also, I was able to tell a parent what I needed them to know IN SPANISH!

10 month ago, we couldn’t do that. I knew a few words in Spanish, but I had difficulty understanding him on the phone. I had no issues yesterday. IT WAS AMAZING!

I am just blown away with how much Spanish I know now.

When I moved here, I knew I would learn Spanish. I had doubts at how long that would take. I struggle with dyslexia and failed Spanish in High School. Being fluent in Spanish seemed like it would take many years. While I am not fluent, I am able to communicate what I need on a daily basis now.

I learned the most from being around Jonathan. Since we spend the most time together, it forced me to learn his language. At school and around town there are many people who speak English. This kept me from using Spanish more often.

For some people, taking Spanish lessons is the best way for them to learn a new language. For me, it is trial and error. Memorizing different types of words and phrases is monotonous. I am more of a visual person. Writing and reading different types of text helps me speak the language more.

I write and read text messages in Spanish to Jonathan daily. I watch Netflix with Spanish subtitles. Lastly, I read menus and paperwork at school. I am able to visually see the words in my head before speaking.

There is still a lot of learning to do with vocabulary and grammar. I am learning new vocabulary every day. Yesterday, I learned what dragonfly was, libélula and tell him, dile. My Spanish is not grammatically correct and I am okay with that. I am still learning. The most important thing is practice even if it is not always correct or perfect.

Learning a new language is difficult, but it can be done. Allow yourself to breathe. Figure out how you learn best. Some learn best in classes and some learn best by trial and error. Give yourself love and celebrate the achievements you make, even if it is a small one.

Being an Empath and a Woman

Being a Woman

Being a woman and an Empath is hard. There are so many things that affect us in ways that some people can’t imagine. We have a monthly cycle that changes every month. One month you are fine and perfect, the next you are an emotional wreck about to break. You feel like the world is going to end. Or you feel like the world is yours to own.

There is no stopping it because it’s there. It’s who we are as women. We have the ability to create life and this comes with emotional and hormonal changes that we need. We have this ability to feel and understand emotions. It is a hard job. We are the creators of life that is why there is a Woman’s Day. A day to celebrate the beauty, depth, and amazement of a woman.

Being an Empath

We feel everything deeply. We sense peoples energies and emotions as our own. We go so deep that we may not know if it is us or the world. We want to hide when the energies around us overwhelm us. Life seems so big that we question what it is. We have to question life. We have to question emotions, feeling, and energies.

An empath has to take time to be alone to process what they are feeling inside. It is not an easy life to live not knowing if what they feel is them or the outside world.

An Empath Woman

Now, put those two things together and you get crazy. Inside we feel crazy. Like there is something seriously wrong with us. We don’t understand why we feel the weight of the world on our shoulders.

If they both fall at the same time of the month, you can have an explosion of energy and depth. Sometimes too deep for us to handle. It makes you wonder… why do we have so much power that we can’t handle?

We create life and we also feel all the life we create. That can be overwhelming to any person. Woman are made to handle this depth that is why we can go through so much pain during child birth. We are strong, resilient, and loving. We have the power to create something so profound and deep within our bodies, not just physically, but spiritually as well. It is all about learning how to be with the depth and profound within us.

Blessing or Curse

People want to say it is a blessing and a curse. The only way to see it is as a blessing. We may lose friends and have people who don’t understand us, but we have a depth so deep that only few can comprehend. That is a blessing because you won’t find fake, lazy, or shallow people lasting long in our life. We may be alone and we may feel unheard. And IT IS OKAY because we have ourselves. As an Empath, having yourself is the most important thing.

There are many people who lose themselves in search of what we were born with. We are clear on what our path is. We are clear on what our life means to us whether people understand or not. People call us UNSTOPPABLE because nothing can stop us from finding the real, the truth, and the deep.

Being an Empath and a Woman is tough and it is well worth it because you feel and see what no one else can. Breathe through the hard times. Believe during deep times. Be you all the time.