Shifting Your Perspective on Pain

“Sometimes we need to be hurt in order to grow. We must lose in order gain. Sometimes, some lessons are learned best through pain.” This quote is hitting home for me right now. I am hurting and losing so that I can grow and learn. I am learning so much about myself with this pain and hurt. There are so many lessons I am learning even though I am angry, upset, and mad. Those things are just my ego telling me that I am the victim. I had to yell and scream before I was able to say there is something on the other side of those feelings. My heart said “listen to me. I can show you the way to happiness.” I started listening and found out what I can do to better myself so that I can grow and be happy. I found out that I need to be honest and direct about the things that are being told to me by my intuition. Doing the things my heart is telling me is hard. I want to cry because a part of me doesn’t want to do it. I don’t want to go through this pain and hurt. I want it to be easy and pain free. That isn’t going to happen all the time because some lessons are learned best through pain.

Last night my fiancé and I got into a fight about something we have fought about many times in the past. It’s really hard to be a thousand miles away from the one that you love. You don’t have the physical or normal ways you use to show affection. All you have in communication. You can skype or facetime yet it’s still based on communication. I knew making this move to Costa Rica would test our communication in more ways than one. Last night, really brought to light how important communication is. We haven’t always had good communication when we lived with each other. I knew moving down here we would have to find new and healthier ways to communication. That’s one of the millions of reasons I made the move. We are supposed to get married next year. I don’t want to marry him unless I know we are in the right space for that. We aren’t right now. After this year of growth and struggle we will be. Why? Because we will have built an amazing foundation that was made from hard work and communication. Once that is built, we will be able to get through anything.

I have been learning that trusting in the universe and having faith will give you everything you need and more. I have been having emotions I haven’t had in over a year. These emotions are high in energy.  They are the driving force for me to dig deep within myself. These are the emotions that are giving me strength to put myself out there. I am feeling so feminine and beautiful. I am feeling confident and secure. I am in pain and I am in love. Life is such a wonderful thing.

Take away, that pain does not always have to be a horrible thing because in that pain you will find truth, love, and growth. How long it takes, depends on how long you take to let your guard down and let the truth, love, and growth into your heart.

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Learning about Friendships

Hey Everybody,

I have been doing a lot of thinking about how to be a better friend. I found that I am not good at showing friends appreciation and love. It got me thinking about my friends from home. I have a few friends at home. I don’t talk to most of them except occasionally. I used to talk to them more when our lives where not so different. Now we have jobs, and lives separate from each other. When we get so busy working our crazy jobs or have a life that keeps us apart it makes it hard to talk. Part of me thinks that if we are friends we should reach out even just to say hey how are you, yet this doesn’t happen except one way. It gets hard to send messages and get no replies or a reply months later. It takes a lot of energy and time to try to reach out when there is no feedback except when their lives are free.

So, I wonder… is there something wrong with me? Why do “my friends” not seem to respond or want to hang out other than once every three to four month? Why do other people seem to have an abundance of friends who they go on trips with and hang out on a regular basis and I don’t? What is there for me to learn from all this? What can I do to be a better friend? A friend that people want to hang out with and go places with. I can definitely say I am in a much better place than I was 5 years ago. I have learned a lot about friendship and still have a long way to go.

I was on Facebook this afternoon and realized that people who have friends who are close send shout outs to their friends in a show of appreciation. I don’t really do this. I have trouble telling my close friends what they mean to me. For birthday wishes, it’s just a happy birthday have a great day. When it should be a more loving and appreciative wish to them.

Recently, my neighbors have made comments about how they like me and such. As they would say things like that I could notice I never said anything about liking them and appreciating how awesome they are and how much I will miss them when they leave in a week. A true friend would want to share with the world how awesome the best friends are. I tell the world how awesome my fiancé is so why can’t I do that with my best and close friends?

As a part of my journey of becoming my better self I am going to push myself to be appreciative of my friends and see what happens.

To start this off right now… Evelin, is an amazing friend of mine. Despite having a crawling baby and a full-time job she makes time to talk with me and see how I am doing. She shares what’s going on in her life with me from the small things like the fruit she ate that day to the big things like the baby starting to crawl. We met when we worked at Claire’s in July 2010 and have been friends since. Even after I left Claire’s we made time to have lunch or chat on the phone. The last two years we have grown closer and I appreciate all the things we have gone through. I loved being there when her water broke and the baby was born. I loved being able to talk about breakups and lows we are having with life. I felt so blessed to have her in my life. I have learned so much from her. Even though I am in Costa Rica and she is in Maryland, I feel close to her. We talk at least twice a week and send photos and videos to each other. The other day I was on an adventure to a town nearby. While I was on the bus we were texting about her part time job she just got and a man got on the bus and started speaking to the whole bus. Since it was in Spanish I had no idea what he was saying. I told her and she said to message her a recording of him and she would translate (she speaks Spanish). I sent her the recording and she translated. He was preaching some bible stuff. These are the times I love and appreciate about my friendship with her. Out of all my friends, she is one of the only friends who reaches out and makes an effort. I appreciate the effort and love I feel from her on a daily basis. It is amazing to have a best friend like her!

Thank you, Evelin for everything that you do. I love you and our friendship! To many more years of growth and love!

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An Adventure To Santa Cruz

There is something really cool about traveling alone in a foreign country. I have traveled in the US alone and it’s exciting. Traveling alone in Costa Rica when there is a language barrier is the best experience for getting to know yourself. It is far more invigorating than anything I have experienced.

I normally go to the beach or stay home. Last night I decided I wanted to go somewhere other than the beach, but I didn’t want to have to take different buses. The bus that runs in front of my house goes to Santa Cruz. I heard there are some stores there and other things. So why not take the bus. I woke up showered, ate a small breakfast, and hopped on the bus. As I was waiting for the bus, one of the guys from next door came and asked me to go to some bull things on September 2nd. The bus drove through a few different towns that I haven’t been to before dripping me off in Santa Cruz. The ride took around and hour and twenty minutes.

IMG_5968I did a little research before I went to see if there was a post office there. Once I got there, I walked around for a bit just to get the lay of the land. I walked past a few stores and shops that I have seen in San Jose. I found a park that was such a cute place. IMG_5971The park had a stage, playground, outdoor workout machines, and a pavilion. I decided to go hunt for the post office. It was hard to find because it wasn’t where the GPS said it was. I found a guy and he gave me directions. Mind you he didn’t speak English. He told me to go straight three blocks, as at least that’s what I thought he said. I wasn’t too sure, so I walked straight for three blocks and there was the post office! I sent a few post cards to friends and family back home. The stamp had a snake on it. It was cool.img_5972.jpg

After the post office, I walked around to find an ATM to get cash out for my rent that’s due in a few days. There was one across the street from the bus station. I went inside and low and behold no dollars. I went in search for another ATM. I found one near the park, again no dollars. So, I gave up on looking for cash and just walked around. I found a school supplies store that has quite a few things I may need once school starts. I also found a plastic store for tubberwear I may need for storage at school if they don’t have any. They had other stores too. I bought two Spanish baby books for my best friend at home and a small paring knife for the kitchen.

Not only did I find some really cool stores, I got kissed on the shoulder by some strange man and a knuckle bump from some other random man. It made me laugh. At home, men holler and hoot at women in a way that I very off putting. Here it seems to be a sign of affection and admiration. I got on the bus back home and was super exhausted I almost fell asleep. About 20 minutes in to the bus ride, this man got on the bus and started talking. I had no idea what he was saying. I told my best friend in the states who speaks English. She said to record him and her will tell me what he says. He was apparently preaching to the bus about Jesus and such.

I made it home safely and sleepy. I noticed today how uplifting it is to go out on my own here. Despite being tired from the day, I feel full of energy and self-esteem. I found this quote today that describes perfectly what it’s like to travel alone, “When the traveler goes alone he gets acquainted with himself.” I really like this quote because it is so true. This is the reason I chose to come to Costa Rica. I wanted to get acquainted with myself in a way that I could not do back at home. I have distractions here some are similar to the ones at home and others are not. This place has an energy about I that just puts me at peace so I can do the things I need to do to raise my vibrations. I have the energy to exercise and eat healthy. I struggle with getting out and making friends like I do at home. Yet, it’s okay because I am working on myself and seeing what I’m capable of. I am creating an energy in my new home so when I start working and have trouble I have a place to come to. A place to recharge and energize myself for the next day. It is amazing.

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One Month in Costa Rica

HEY GUYS!

It has almost been a month since I moved to Costa Rica! I am excited to live here! I have been blessed with an amazing landlord who answers my many questions. I feel bad for how many questions he needs to answer! Hahah He has answered questions about renting a scooter to finding some plants to where to get my eye checked. He brought me great tasting bread from the Automercado (a grocery store about 40 minutes from here). He is going to bring me some aloe and other plants for my apartment!!

I have been loving the walk and the beach! The beach is just beautiful. For a few weeks, there was some red tide that caused the beach to be un-swimmable. It is back to normal and beautiful! Lots of fish and beautiful greenery. The walk to my second favorite beach in Costa Rica is a 40 minute walk from here. I am getting a tan from all the walking and beach time. There is so much wildlife here too. Between the birds and the monkey’s, what more could you want?

I am excited to start working this coming Monday. I am hoping to make some good friends while I am here. I got notice from my landlord that another teacher who works at my school may be moving in when the Canadian friends/neighbors leave. It will be super helpful to have someone who works with me to help figure out the town and share a taxi to school! I am hoping they are a pretty down to earth person.

The other day I had some really bad stomach pains so I took some digestzen from doterra. After taking it two times, the pain went away! It’s some pretty awesome stuff! I am sure it is from the dairy I’ve been eating. So, for the next few weeks no dairy for me. I bought some ingredients to make some dairy free treats. Today, I made some peanut butter cookies. They came out pretty good! My next treats will be strawberry pop tarts and cinnamon buns. I hope they turn out well! I will post the results when I make them! OHH! I got to try mamon chinos today! It’s a really cool fruit here is Costa Rica. I love

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mamon chino

them!

Life is good here. I am learning more about myself and what I can accomplish everyday. Being alone has been good for me. I love having a place to myself. It’s really wonderful to experience living alone. Once work start I will have more to learn and experience! I will keep you posted!

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New Things

 

IMG_5902HEY!

I am super pumped about my cooking skills today! After a day at the beach, I came home and made some homemade gnocchi with Gorgonzola cheese sauce! My kitchen was a huge mess when I was done. Yet, the love an energy I put into the dish was well worth the mess. I have been wanting to have some gnocchi. The Italian place here doesn’t have any so I googled a recipe. I found that the gnocchi required 3 ingredients, potatoes, flour, and egg. I had all of those so I was set to go except the sauce. I googled sauces for gnocchi. I found a Gorgonzola cheese sauce recipe that was similar to the best gnocchi I had in Canada a month ago. The recipe called for heavy whipping cream, white wine, Gorgonzola cheese, and Parmesan cheese, and water. I had to do some substituting for the whipping cream since I couldn’t find any. My neighbors had some sour cream I used. The sour cream was not like the sour cream in the US. It worked wonders for the dish! It made enough for two meals for one person.

I had some fun at the beach this morning. I remembered to bring my waterproof case, so I could take some under water pictures. I had a lot of fun because I learned how to float!! My neighbors taught me a trick for floating! I have been trying for years to float and today I did. Between my gnocchi and learning to float I had an amazing day!! Try something new!

Shifting Your Perspective

Hey Everybody!

Some energy is moving! It’s pretty fantastic! For those of you that know me, know that I don’t go to church and I don’t like church for multiple reasons. Well, today I WENT to church! There is this little outdoor church across the street from my place I walk past it every time I go to the beach. They have these silly signs all around the area. They say things like “same management over 2000 years or don’t worry our lifeguard walks on water.” It’s pretty funny to see these signs. It adds some humor to your everyday life.

Any who… I walked past the church a few days ago and something small inside me said go to church this Sunday. There is something for you there. I have been looking forward to seeing what the church is like the last two days. Last night, I was having emotional feelings that were letting me know there is something that needs to be worked on. Jon and I spoke about what’s been going on. It wasn’t the best conversation because I left feeling disconnected. I felt as though we were not on the same page. I wrote in my journal and went to bed. This morning I didn’t want to get out of bed. My head hurt from crying and being anxious. I knew I had something to learn from church so I got up, got dressed and went to church.

The sermon was on “shifting your perspective.” He was speaking about a lady he ran into that had a perspective that was not a healthy or positive perspective. In the meeting with her, he realized that we all have a perspective and it can be tainted by our past. I am not one that believes in God, I believe in the universe as a higher power. So, I had to change some of the things he said to reflect my belief. I had to shift my perspective.

The first scripture he used to help get us to see where he was coming from was Isaiah 55:6-8. “Seek the Lord while he may be found: call on him while he is near. Let the wicked forsake their ways and the unrighteous their thoughts. Let them turn to the lord and he will have mercy on them. For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord.”

This hit me because if you seek the truth it will be found. If you let the thought and ways of the past go and turn to the universe it will have mercy on you and give you the knowledge you need in the moment. Our thoughts are not ours. They are what we have been told by the ego and the past. Once you realize this we can see things differently. Something I was having trouble doing last night. I was seeing things as I would have seen it a few years ago. Although, a part of me wanted something different, which I now understand. Since I couldn’t get the whole script down I googled it. When I googled it, it gave me Isaiah 55:9 as well. It says “as the heavens are higher than the earth. So are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.” The universe is a higher power, its ways and thoughts are of a higher vibrations that can guide us to the truth. I realized that I needed to let go of the thoughts of being disconnected with Jon and see what the universe had for me. See the higher vibrations. I am now on the same page with Jon. We were able to connect in the same higher vibration today as I explained what I was learned at church.

Next, the pastor went on to the next scripture which was John 3:16-17. “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.” Whoever believes will not perish but have eternal life was something the pastor emphasized. It is very important to do this because whoever believes in the universe and follows the laws of nature will have eternal life. When you do the work to follow the path the universe has for you, you have life and freedom. You save the world because your growth is passed on to other people. It grows so that others start to make changes because they see what you have and they want it. They want eternal life. The pastor said “when we understand the truth in our hearts we start to see things differently.” This is so true. In order to change your perspective you have to understand the truth in your heart. This will lead to different things, a different life. The truth in my heart is I am where I am supposed to be. I have a great fiancé that pushes me to see things differently and I the same for him. We grow together because we believe we have eternal life.

“Things change when our focus changes.”  So, the question he asked was… What is Jesus’ view of you? The way I heard it was, What is the universes view of you? The view in which the universe or Jesus sees is not what you think. The view is not blocked by ego, or the past. The view is of love and understanding. The universe or God see in you someone who has purpose. We all have a view that we see ourselves that are shaped by our past. We need to rethink and unlearn that way of life. We need to shift our perspective to a wider and more focused lens.

Romans 8:38-39 says “For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” To shorten this, when you are convinced…. Nothing can separate us from the laws of nature, or the universe. Do you live in accordance to the universe? Are you doing things that in line with the higher vibrations of the universe? If you are living in accordance to the universe, if you are convinced… what room do you have to worry? What place does anxiety have in your life? There is not room for worry or anxiety when you are living out the universe. I say this because last night I was worried about what will happen with Jon and I. I was anxious that this year apart would lead us apart. This really hit home for me. I remembered that if I am doing what the universe has set out for me I know that I will not be lead astray. There is no room for worry because I have all that I need now. And I will always have what I need because nothing can separate me from the universe.

“Perspective is a reflection of our heart. SO listen to your heart, to the universe and live in it. Live in the freedom. When are you going to allow yourself to live in the truth? If you really believe when will you forgive yourself? I was worried last night that the same thing that happened in my past marriage would happen in this relationship. The pastor said “your past is real and it was big. It’s stopping you from really living and seeing the truth.” My past marriage was huge, it was real. It’s not now and it’s no where near what the universe has instore for me. My current relationship and future marriage with him is not my past marriage. It is something more because I am allowing the universe to show me what the truth is, what my marriage is supposed to look like. To do this we have to reflect and shift our perspective.

The pastor left us with a how to. Most churches that I have been to do not leave you with a how to. He did and it was perfect. So, I leave us with a how to… How do you shift your perspective? Start with honesty. Start with being honest about your life. Be honest that we are not our past and we are more. Start with being honest with our actions and the consequences they have. Be honest with our hearts!

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PURA VIDA = Hakuna Matata

Hey All,

hakuna matata

I am settling in well. I have been here for two weeks. The last few days have been quite interesting. Between the water pump breaking, my shower drain being clogged, and my toilet exploding it has been a good time. Monday is when it all started. I went to the beach Monday morning. I spent a few hours there just relaxing and swimming. I stopped at the store on the way home. I didn’t have any small bills to get a taxi so I decided to walk. It was strenuous because I was carrying quite a few heavy groceries! I got home put the groceries away and took a really cold shower. I decided to chill on the porch for a while. I watched a movie and watched all the traffic drive by. I got a bit hungry so I went in to grab an apple. I tried to turn the water on and nothing came out. Since I wasn’t in too much of a hurry I just went back to watching my movie. I spoke to the neighbors when they got home and they got the water turned back on. The water pressure was way stronger than it was before the water went off. Which I thought was odd. A few hours later the internet turned off for no reason. My neighbor showed me how to reset the internet in case it happens again. I will most likely need to know again! A few hours later I went to the bathroom and flushed the toilet. This white thing in the toilet that looks like a filter had exploded causing water to go EVERY WHERE!! It was a mess! The water pressure was much higher than before so I think when I flushed it was too much for the little filter thingy. I used the water turn off valve to lower the pressure so the water doesn’t go everywhere when I flush.

 

Yesterday, I called the FBI history check facility to see what the status of my background check was. They are just now opening the history checks that arrived on May 25. Mine arrived on June 6th. So it will be a few weeks until my background check is even opened. I am estimating another month before it gets to my house. I am still able to start working I just can’t file for my work visa until it arrives. It was nice though because I had to turn my US phone off airplane mode to call the FBI. I was able to call my Nana and speak with her for a good while. It is hard not being able to go see her. I would be going to see her this week if I was still in the US. I went to the beach for a few hours which was super relaxing! I took my lunch and swam. Swimming is such a good way to get exercise! I get home and I hop in the shower to rinse and cool off. I realize my shower drain is clogged and the water from this morning didn’t go down. I was cooking dinner later that evening and I saw a little gecko crawl down my wall! It was super cool. I used to have lizards and geckos got pets.

 

The last thing to happen was that an amazing and wonderful woman who has helped me on my journey of self-discovery passed away. She was so dear to the school I go to in New York City. I have had her in my thoughts as she passes on to the next plane.

Today I went on a great horseback riding tour. My horse was crazy and my butt and ankles are sore. It was so worth it though. I saw a bunch of monkeys and had a great ride through the woods and on the beach. I was able to relax and process everything that is happening. I am beginning to learn the meaning of PURA VIDA! If you’re wondering Pura Vida is similar to Hakuna Matata, “It means no worries”. Being here has really shown me this is part of my journey. I feel at home in this country. I feel at home with the language barrier. I feel at home with the culture.

Learning about myself

The last few days have been eye opening for me. I realized that when it comes to meeting new people I am not as I used to be. I used to start chatting with whoever I thought would be friendly. Now, it’s hard to just talk to someone I don’t know. It’s not just because they speak a language different from mine. It’s because I am not the person I used to be. I like to have my space. I like to have time to myself. Although, it is great to meet new people because you learn something new about yourself you didn’t know before.

The last few days I’ve been showing a new friend around the area where I live. It’s been so fun yet new for me. I had to learn to balance the time to myself and the time with my new friend. They came to the area to visit me so it seemed as though I needed to spend all my time with them. This doesn’t always have to be the case though. There is a way to balance the time spent with or without someone. Plus, if you’re getting to know someone it might not be wise to spend every minute with them. It was a great time exploring how the bus works, trying to find postcards for a good price, negotiating a taxi ride home while it’s pouring rain outside and spending time on the beach is an amazing way to get to know someone.

 

Today was a really fun and out of my comfort zone kind of day. I met my new friend at the beach down the road in the afternoon. We set up my cabana on the beach and went looking for seashells. We got a lobster that we picked out right there. It was cooked and brought to our little cabana. It was so good and cheap!! After an hour or so his new friend and daughter showed up with their driver. We talked and relaxed on the beach until it was time to go to dinner. I was told about a place near buy you can go for dinner and a swim. As long as you spend over a certain amount of money you can use the infinite pool and see an amazing view of the ocean! So, we headed there for the rest of the evening. It was quite an adventure given the driver kept hitting on me and I believe he asked me on a date tomorrow (he has 3 girlfriends). He doesn’t speak much English so the conversation may have gotten lost in translation.

 

I don’t do well when people hit on me or ask me out. I don’t like the attention and I have a fiancé that I love so much. This was an uncomfortable situation I had to get out of a few times. He knew I had a fiancé and kept at it. I guess he thought that since I was here and my fiancé was in the US that it wouldn’t matter so he persisted a few times. I was very excited with myself because I didn’t react the way I would have in the past. In the past, I would have been all excited and my self-esteem would have skyrocketed. Then I would feel miserable the shortly after. I feel like I kept my dignity and self-esteem. It is such an amazing feeling!

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Bubbles Takes Costa Rica!

Hello Everybody!

It’s been a while since I’ve posted last. I have officially moved into my apartment in Costa Rica. I really love my apartment It is a cute little studio with everything I need half way between work and the beach. It is a great feeling to live somewhere alone. I will be an adjustment for me to live alone since I have always lived with other people. I am excited and scared all at the same time. There is so much to figure out and explore in the town and with myself. Figuring out how to be with myself in a place where I am not comfortable is what this year will be about. It’s next step to my journey of self-discovery.

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My studio apartment!

One of the things I am finding out about myself is that I am more of an introvert than I used to be. I am used to not having a care in the world about who I meet and who they are. I would just talk to anyone and everyone. I am noticing that I don’t want to put myself out there like I used to. This is something that I am just watching and seeing where it takes me too. There is a reason I am not as outgoing as I used to be. Since I am in a new place, I need to make friends and meet people who can help me navigate this town and country.

I am loving living near the ocean. It is such an amazing and wonderful place to be. I have a Canadian couple as neighbors for the next month. They are amazing and so friendly. I went with them to the beach today. They took me the way they walk to the beach and to a good restaurant that has amazing fish tacos. It is just so calming and peaceful to be near the beach. The life style is laid back. It will be a learning experience this year.

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Amazing fish taco!

I have a month to figure out the bus system and other options I may have to get to work everyday. I am excited to start working at the school. I am looking forward to the structure that comes along with working 7:30-3:30 during the week. I am nervous because the last time I taught second grade it didn’t go so well. I have some learning to do when it comes to being a teacher.

This year is about growth and understanding myself. I ask you to do one thing this week that puts you outside your comfort zone. One thing that helps you grow or understand yourself in a way you never thought. It’s a wonderful experience to see yourself grow.

love yourself

Writing

writing

Writing is something that I am not that good at. It’s a way for me to push myself to write about my life. I never thought it would be this rewarding. When I started writing my blog I was scared. I didn’t want the whole world to see my writing and think things about me. I started off writing about recipes and my exercising. The exercising posts didn’t last because I have trouble keeping a workout regimen. Th recipes stopped when I got busy with my course in CR. I kept going though. I Kept writing about what’s on my mind. I kept writing about what I am feeling. It’s getting easier and easier to write about what my heart tells me to write. It has been a great journey of seeing where this will go and who I become.

Writing is a way to help me process certain situations. It gets things off my mind so I can see the situation in a different light. I love being able to use writing as a way to get a different perspective on what is happening in my life. I am exciting to see where this writing takes me. Who knows one day maybe I will write a book about my life story. I have thought about it a few times yet never thought I was a good enough writer. I have a long way to go and it will be a few years before that happens.

I encourage you to write about what’s in your life. Write like you can’t stop. Don’t think about it or edit it, just write. It can be in a journal, a word document, or a random piece of paper. It is meant to help you get all the stuff on your mind out. It is something that gets the emotions out. It may not help like it does with me so see what you get. See how it helps you or how it doesn’t. Experiment with your writing see what it does for you!