One of the things I struggle with is being able to keep my mouth shut about what I see in people. The more I go through and the more I grow. The more I see. It is hard to see what people put themselves through. It’s hard to see what I put myself through.

Lately, I have seen how different things affect my life. I hold on to resentment. Not as much as I used to yet I do. I hold on to other people’s anger and resentment too. It is interesting to see what happens. So many people don’t even see what is right in front of them. I am the same way. Recently, I noticed that I wasn’t doing what I needed too. I was taking medication to get rid of the symptoms instead of treating the cause. Some people get headaches, others insomnia. I however get intestinal issues.

When I am avoiding reality, I get intestinal issues. When I hold on to resentment, I get intestinal issues. I know exactly how to make the intestinal issues go away. I have to eat healthy, run or/and dance, and acknowledge my reality. Sometimes acknowledging my reality means letting go of something that is over. Sometimes it is letting go of what I see others are going through. I can’t help anyone other than myself. I can’t worry about what others are doing in their lives. I need to worry about what I am doing in my life. When I worry about others I start to listen to what they think I need. I also get lazy and slack on my own health. I know that I can’t have dairy and I know that I need to run. Sometimes when I am too worried about helping someone else, I eat dairy and don’t run. Then I get upset at everyone else ignoring their lives, when I am really ignoring mine.

I justify myself by saying things in my head. I may say “well I do my daily breathings and I lift weights. That’s good enough.” I know damn well that’s not good enough. If I slack in some areas, that gives room for me to slack more. That leads to a downward spiral that I don’t want to go down. I let myself go down this road for the last three weeks. It took me pain and unanswered doctor’s visits to see what was happening. I now have a lot of work to do to get me to where I want to be.

I found that I had been listening to other people’s advice instead of listening to what my body needs. Other people say “You need surgery.” or ” You need this medicine.” I don’t need those things. I need to change my diet, exercise, and breathe. So many people put themselves through things that are harmful for them because they don’t want to see reality for what it is. Why would I take their advice? I would because I don’t want to face reality as it is. So, why not listen to the advice of avoidance pros.

As much as I want to say I am in a bad place, I know that I am in the perfect place. It’s neither good nor bad. It is where I need to be in this moment. I am happy. I will struggle with many things over the next few weeks while I am getting myself physically and mentally to a better place. I am ready for it. Sometimes a Phoenix must burn in order to be reborn. They never die.


Sometimes life hits you…

The last few weeks have been hard on me. I have had to deal with more medical issues. I recently went to San Jose to see a specialist about my kidney stones. He didn’t give me any answers to the pain I have been having. He says that the pain isn’t from my kidney stones. I should get a few more tests done and take a new medication. I should also see a gastroenterologist. Something is telling me I need to stop taking all medication for a while. I have been on multiple medications in the last 3 weeks. My body needs to rest from the different types of medication. Not only does my body need it, my mind needs it too. The medicine is affecting me on more than just a physical level.

I am going to do some essential oils and natural remedies like warm water with ginger and honey. I am also going to make sure I that I exercise daily. While Copito was here I slacked on the running and exercise. I need to get back into the groove of running and dancing. As much as I loved Copito I learned a lot. I needed him for the time I had him. Although, that time has come to an end because I am affected by animals energy in a way I never noticed. I know that I am affected by other people’s energy for prolonged periods of time. It is the same with animals.

I realized this about 2 weeks ago. Something was telling me that Copito wasn’t good for my energy and well being. I didn’t do what I needed to do about it. Same thing with my health. I knew that I didn’t need the medicine because I knew what my body needed. I just didn’t do it. I am still processing the reason why I didn’t listen to myself. I wouldn’t go back and changed it because I am learning something valuable.

Life has its ups and downs. It has its times of trials and tribulations. I am thankful for these times because they help me appreciate my life. They help me appreciate and see how far I have come. It’s not easy by any means to go through sickness and stress. I wouldn’t be who I am today if I hadn’t gone through all the hard times I have had. I am not out of the woods yet. I have a lot of work to do. I have a lot of things to do to get to the place I want to be. I can get there. I have been there. I know exactly how to do it. I will do it. And I am doing it.

The Line

As I continue to learn more about myself, the more I see in other people. I see things people don’t want me to see. I see things people hide because they don’t want people to know. This is hard for me because I see the pain and suffering in other people.

I am learning to respect people’s process. I am learning to let people deal with the things they are going through. This is hard when you love and care about someone so much. I feel helpless most of the time because I can’t take their pain away. I can only love them and be there for them when they ask.

I am not quite sure how to let go of the need to fix them. I am not sure how to let go of the outcome I want for them. I am not sure where the line starts. I am not sure how to respect the line because I don’t know what that looks like.

Having this “talent” does come with a sacrifice. I am learning that this sacrifice is worth it because it’s not about me or you. It’s bigger than that. It’s something terrifying and magnificent all at the same time. I am lucky to be going down this road of discovering myself and how to use my “talent” for the best. How to respect the line.


Life is beautiful! Life has been taking me on a journey of a lifetime. I am happy and excited to be where I am. It is just too funny. The things that life throws at you to learn about yourself is amazing.

IMG_2795First, I got my tattoo finished. I decided against color. Something is telling me that you don’t need to be full of bright colors to be beautiful. Sometimes black and white is amazing and beautiful all on its own. I am in love with the finished product and I won’t be adding color. Sometimes seeing things in black and white can change your perspective in a way that seeing color cannot. I am still beautiful and amazing even if there are no bright colors.

Second, I am fostering a dog. His name is Copito. He is amazing. He is full of life and love. He has shown me so many things in the last 3 weeks. I know he will not be in my life forever. I know that he has a purpose and family waiting for him out there somewhere. I do know that what he and I are experiencing is something that I will carry with me forever. He has changed my life. I am excited to see where this adventure with him takes us.

Third, I made a trip to the doctors again. My toe nail fell off a few weeks ago. I went to see why. It turns out that it has a fungus or something. The medicine to treat it is very hard on your liver so I had to get blood tests done to make sure my liver is well. The blood tests came back elevated so I went to get an ultrasound. My liver is fine, which is great news. On the other hand, I have kidney stones. They are a bit too big to pass on their own. I need to see a specialist to get treatment to make them smaller.

Fourth, I am learning so much about life. I have been going on adventures with an intern at work. She is from France. She has been at my school for 3 months working on a project for her program in France. She and I have become good friends in this short time. We have gone on many adventures together. We took a trip to Rio Celeste, Arenal, and Monteverde. We have had conversations that have helped me grow and see life differently. It’s been an amazing experience. She goes back to France tomorrow. So the last few days we have just been having fun and really enjoying life. It has been a wonderful time.

She and I have been talking about life and the things that I do in my life. It has been great to share the ups and downs of life with her. Yesterday, we were talking about the guy that I saw a few months back. She knows him as well so it makes it easier for us to talk about it. He has been ignoring a lot of my questions recently. I had explained to her why I thought that was happening and what that meant for me.

After work yesterday, he started messaging me about his life. Which he has done in a while. He was telling me about how he was scared about what could happen with his job and his family moving here. I could tell he was scared. I could tell he needed support. He just didn’t know how. Normally, I can send him a funny video or something to make him smile for him to be okay. I did this. His response was “I cannot pretend that everything is okay, because it is not okay.” He may not know it, yet that is a huge step for him to admit. This makes me happy.

I know that I have made mistakes with my relationship with him. I did things that did not help either of us. There were consequences for those things. I am now seeing those and becoming conscious of them. I am happy that I have this man in my life. He is a great friend in many ways. I am glad that he is a mirror for me to see the defects within me that I need to overcome. I have become aware of many defects I never knew existed in the last few months from my relationship with him. It is an amazing feeling when you can see these amazing things. As hard as it is to acknowledge and see it is beautiful. It is powerful. It is energy and life.

What I Asked For.

Life isn’t always easy. Sometimes things are thrown at you to knock you down. You have to get back up and keep fighting. You have to stand up for yourself and what you believe.

This week was a good week. A hard week as well. Somethings happened at worked that required me to stand up for myself. I had to have a meeting with some parents because of an incident that happened a few weeks ago. It was intense. Emotions were flying. I tried to keep myself. Unfortunately, I didn’t. I responded to a question with an attitude and a not the best words. I own that. I know what and why I did that so I am prepared for next time. The whole situation was intense. I am glad it happened because I learned a lot about myself and other people.

One thing, I realized during the week is that the universe gave me what I asked for. I wanted a companion. Someone who could be there when I got home. Someone who didn’t say anything. Someone who is just there. I am good being alone. I like being alone. I learn a lot being with myself. I appreciate my time alone more than anything in the world. It’s just nice having someone there sometimes.

This week, I got a dog to foster. His name is Copito. He is great. A very good and patient dog. The meeting at work happened on Wednesday. It was intense. I was ready to come home and just relax. I came home and Copito was so happy to see me. I started crying with joy and appreciation. He put a smile on my face. I had a bit of anger. I didn’t want to hold on to that so I screamed in my pillow until it was gone. Copito came over to me and was trying to comfort me. It was beautiful.

It took me a couple days to realize that he is what I had been asking for. He is helping me in ways I never thought. I had been trying to foster a dog since December. It hasn’t worked out until now. I know that there is something to learn from the experiences I am going through.

I would love to keep this dog forever. I would love to give him a forever home. I just know that I am not that for him. I love this dog so much. He is a blessing. I see him and I smile. He has somethings about him that drive me crazy. I still love and appreciate him with all my heart. It will be hard to let him go. He will be in my life until it’s time for the next adventure. Whenever that is supposed to be. For now, I will just appreciate the time I have with him. I will learn all I can so I can grow into a better me.

Life gives you what you need. It just might not look the way you wanted it too. Have patience and love. It works out.

No One Understands Me?


Someone once told me that my life will not be understood until I pass away. People will not understand the way I live my life until after I am dead. I was told this about 2 years ago by a lady very dear to me that is no longer alive. Her name was Teresa. This lady was an absolutely amazing woman. She lived a full and happy life. This beautiful woman achieved many things in her lifetime. One thing she did was spend many years learning and understanding astrology.

Me, Teresa, and a few other friends from IHP were at the IHP cabin in New York not far from the Pennsylvania border. We had just finished a wonderful dinner that Teresa had prepared. Somehow we started talking about our birthdays and the astrology related to when we were born. Someone mentioned that Teresa could read our astrology map (I don’t know what it is actually called). A bunch of us wanted to know what our astrology said about us. We all pulled up our astrology maps so she could read them for us.

There were two things she said about mine that stuck out to me. One was my relationship with my father and people understanding me. I won’t go into what she said about my relationship with my father because that is something I have already understood and worked through. The one that I put on the back burner was people understanding me. I actually forgot about this until today.

I have always struggled with people understanding me. Even to this day, I feel that no one understands why and how I think. It is just something that I battle with all the time. It’s hard for me to explain certain things in my life. I don’t know how to make sense of the things that happen within me so that people understand. I understand me on a level that doesn’t have words to explain. This causes me to doubt myself in a lot of situations. I tell someone something and they get confused because I can’t explain it. It is hard to explain something that doesn’t have words. It is hard to explain something that my spirit knows that my head can’t comprehend.

I have been writing in a diary for a long time. I have been rereading them to see what has changed with me over the years. I realize that one day those writings will be turned bookinto a book. I do not know if I will write the book before I die or someone else will write the book after I die. It will be written at some point. People may not understand me now yet when I am gone they will understand what my life was about and what I am spending my life doing.

I have been spending most of my time trying to get people to understand me, the way I understand me. This has caused a lot of issues in my relationships with people. They think that I am trying to change them when that’s not the truth. I am trying to get them to understand me the only way I know how. I understand me by understanding other people. I figure out the reasons behind why I do certain things from watching and observing other people. I use this as a way to try to get other people to understand me. I desperately want people to understand me. Well, my ego desperately wants people to understand me. My ego says “I can’t be truly loved unless people understand who I really am”. How can other people understand me if they don’t understand themselves? So, I try to get people to understand themselves so they can understand me. This pushes them away. Maybe, my life is about me understanding me. Why do I need to get people to understand me? What would life be like if I accepted that I am the only one who needs to understand me? How would this change my relationships with other people?

Wow, this is huge for me. I don’t know what else to say. Just, WOW! There is more for me to recognize with this. This is the beginning of a new and beautiful life for me. A life free from what stops me from living up to my full potential. More to come…

Why Do I Want Space?

When I was with my ex-fiance, he would hide things from me because he didn’t want to deal with my emotions on the situation. I used to get so angry because he would never give me the opportunity to change how I responded. I always used to say maybe I wouldn’t react the way I did if you told me before hand instead of waiting for me to find out. Give me the option to change how I respond. Trust that I would respond differently.

I never understood really why he did what he did. I may not lie or hid things like he did yet I do something else. I realized that I am taking space from someone I care about because I do not want to deal with their reactions or anger towards me when I am dealing with my emotions. It is easier for me to take space than to deal with the other person.

Let me explain…. Lately, I have been struggling with woman’s health issues. More than I ever have in my life. Something is telling me that this is due to not having a period for the last 7 years. I am on a birth control that doesn’t allow me to have a period. This morning I decided that I am getting off birth control for however long I feel I need too. This is a huge, huge deal for me. I do not like periods. I would rather have all the pain I have physically right now than to have a period. A part of me is fighting my soul to the death for me not to get off birth control. I am emotionally a mess. I feel scared. I feel like I am dying because the fight inside me is so strong. My soul wants me to have a period so I can release the negativity and toxins that are released when a woman has a period. My ego doesn’t want that to happen.

Since I am with this guy, he needs to know about me not being on birth control. It will change our relationship in many ways. I told him what was happening and asked what he thought. He didn’t respond. I asked him what he would think if I took space for a little. His response changed my whole thinking. He said “ what the F@#! Is happening to you? You need to run to the beach after work because your energies are out of control.” I decided to ask myself why do I need space.

Why do I need space? When I realized this my head exploded. I need space because of the same reason my ex fiancé hid or lied to me about things. It is easier to take space than to deal with the other person’s possible negative or angry response. I want to take space because I know what I am about to go through. What I am about to go through will be painful for me. I do not need someone acting angry or negative while I am dealing with what I am dealing with. It hit me how hard it was for my ex-fiance. I understand deeply what he struggled with.  I am now struggling with a similar thing.

I am not going to take space because I need to give him the option to grow as well. I need to give him the benefit of the doubt he will act different. I need to give him the option that I wanted and never got. I need to allow him in my life because as I go through this everyone else around me will be affected. I cannot take that opportunity away from someone because it’s easier for me. I want people to grow and become their best versions of themselves. In order for me to do that I need to allow them to choose for themselves what they want.

He is a great guy. He may say things that are negative or full of anger yet I know that they are not the real him. The real him is sweet, kind, and loving. I know this because I have had the chance to experience the sweet, kind, and loving part of him. I used to say similar things to my ex-fiance when I found out he lied or hid something from me. I wanted the opportunity to grow for myself and I never got that. I know that this guy would appreciate the same respect I craved.




I Live A Crazy Life.

You guessed it, I am on a plane again. I am headed to NYC for an IHP weekend. Something about flying alone get me thinking about life. It gets me connected with myself.

It has been about a week since I got back from Chile. i am still dealing with credit card and passport situations that area result of my bag being stolen. I was told that I will be on a list going through customs now due to my passport being stolen. This whole things makes me laugh. my life is crazy and I absolutely love it.

I have run into issues getting my create cards replaced. I had the credit card company mail the new card to my dad’s house. It was a windy day and the mail man just put in on the porch. It blew away. My dad couldn’t find it so we cancelled it and had a new one IMG_1370sent to NYC. On the way to the gym, my dad found the mail under a car down the street.

I have run into more questions and more security checks when travelling internationally now. In the past, i would be freaking out and angry. Something has changed within me because I just laugh now.  Nothing can mess with my peace and happiness.

Last week when I got back i had a breakdown. i got scared and fearful. I didn’t want to leave my house. i realized in that breakdown that this was exactly what my spirit needed to transform. To become something new. I let these emotions move through me and what I was left with was amazing peace.

I am happy. I am peace. I have never in my life been so happy with my life and myself. I am in awe of the life I have. I have this new peace. Things keep happening to break me down. It hasn’t even affected me. I just think “okay, col what’s next?”

I had a boyfriend for the last month. He was really nice. He seemed happy. Something didn’t seem right though so i just watch myself around him. Little by little things didn’t add up. I felt like there was something he wasn’t telling me. I asked him what was going on in his life because I felt like he was hiding something from me. He told me he wasn’t hiding anything. I have this power to tell when people lie to me. The bell in my head went off real loud…. He is lying. I had a friend of mine do some digging. Let’s just say everything he told me about his life was a lie. When I confronted him, he just had more lies. I had more questions than answers. I am not about that so I told him not to contact me again.

In the past, I would be so upset and angry about this. How could someone lie to me? For some reason, i just let it go and moved on. I didn’t let the lies affect me and my peace.

Then I spoke to my ex fiance. He told me all about what’s happening in his life. He has a new girlfriend and she is a doozie. When he told me what was happening in his life, it made me think “oh boy, you are headed in the wrong direction. This is not the man I know. what’s happening” I never once thought it was my fault he is where he is. One could say that i didn’t leave him in the best way.

In the past, I would make it my fault. I would feel horrible. This time, I am good. I know what I did and I am confident I did what was right. I am at peace with myself. I cannot change him. I can’t make him see something he is not ready to see. All I can do is grow myself.

We all have a choice. You can chose to evolve or stay the same. I chose to evolve even if it’s painful. I chose love, forgiveness, peace, and freedom. I don’t have time for anger or resentment. I don’t have time for blaming. I am responsible for my actions and my actions only.

I could be angry at the man that stole my bag. I could be angry that my boyfriend lied to me about his whole life. I could be angry at my ex fiance for moving in with his girlfriend because that’s what I wanted from him. I have many reasons to be angry right now. I chose love and laughter because the only person that anger hurts is me. Any does nobody any good so why chose to be angry?

Choosing happiness and laughter in a time of madness is the most liberating feeling. I feel unstoppable. I have more power now than I ever did holding on to anger, blame, and resentment. This is my life and I will live it with integrity, love, and pave. I will laugh my way through life.

It’s funny because I see how being happy and laughing my way though the craziness change the people around me. My first flight today, I talked to a man and a group of ladies about living in Costa Rica. I told them about my passport and all the situations I have been in. I did it all with laughter. This made them smile. They all knew the situations weren’t the best. I know that because I told them with a laugh an peace i left an impression on them. I know this because the man told someone else my story (after we had gone our separate ways), who ran into me. The girl asked me if I had sat with a man with a long pony tail. I told her yes. She told me that he was just telling her about my passport issue and everything. Imagine if I had anger and told them the stories? If i had been angry and resentful that’s what they would feel. I know that I left them changed in some way because of how I was. I am changing the world one laughable, painful story at a time.

My stories and situations are inspiring others. Its showing people that in times of pain and suffering, peace and laughing are possible. My strength and love are changing the world.

What you do have a ripple affect. One small action can have a larger affect on society than you could ever imagine. Would you rather “ripple” love and laughter or anger and resentment? It’s your choice.

Oh and I got bit by mosquito in my sleep, on my lip. IMG_1381

The Beginning or The End?

How can someone get to know you when you don’t really know yourself? Lately, I don’t know who I am. The things I have been going through have changed me in ways I can’t explain. I do things that I have never done before. I also do things that I have done for years. When you are in a relationship with someone how can you expect them to get to know you when you are still getting to know yourself?

After my trip to Chile, I feel even more lost. I feel even more scared. I feel even more alone. Since I moved to Costa Rica, there have been many things I have lost along the way. I know the things that I have lost were meant for me to lose. I know I have let go of things that no longer support my spiritual journey. I lost them so that I could make space for this new phase in my life.

Having my backpack stolen from me has been hard. I can’t lie and say that it has been easy. I can’t lie and say it isn’t painful. In reality, it is painful to have something stolen from you. It is scary to not have access to money as easily. It is painful and scary to be in a foreign country and only have a certain amount of money in your possession. It is scary because now I do not feel safe. I feel scared to leave my house for fear that it could happen again. I know that I am safe and that I am now more aware of my surroundings than I was before.

When my bag was stolen I was with someone. That made me feel safe. That made me feel like I could do anything. I am now in Costa Rica alone. I have people here yet they are not like the people I had in Chile. The people I had in Chile are special to me because they are on the same path as me. They know the work that I do because they do the same work. Not having these people with me now is hard. I know I can call them any time I need. I know they would be there for me. I want someone physically here with me. I do not want to be alone physically. I do not want to go to the store alone. I do not want to walk to the beach alone. I had no issues doing this before the Chile trip. Now, I am scared to do it.

I realize that this fear is not my true self. The fear is coming from a place that doesn’t want to let go of the person I thought I was. The fear is my old self trying to hold on. The fear is me trying to understand something that intellectually I can never understand. My spirit knows that everything is okay. My spirit knows everything I need to understand. My spirit knows what is about to happen next. My spirit knows the beauty that is fighting its way to the surface.

If I let this painful process of growing run its course, I will be closer to achieving my purpose in this life. Someone once told me that when a caterpillar is in the chrysalis, the caterpillar turns to slime before it turns into a butterfly. I had no idea that was what happened inside the chrysalis. As I am going through all the things I am going through I see that I am inside a chrysalis. I am melting down all the parts of me that are not me and becoming the person I really am.

For all of you out there going through a life change, know that you are never alone. Remember that there is a beautiful and amazing butterfly that will come from all the struggling and pain. Remember to flow with the emotions and feelings. Remember to breathe and stay connected to your heart. It may seem like you are going to die. I can tell you that you are only beginning to really live.

Chile… A Whirlwind Trip

Hey Everyone,

What a whirlwind of a trip I just had. I recently went to Chile for the reading of a will for someone who passed away recently. It was a monumental trip for everyone who attends IHP. There were about 23 peoples from the New York IHP there as well as others from around the world.

I knew before I went on the trip something was going to happen. I had a feeling in my soul that I was going learn and grow from something. I prepared for it the best I could for 4 days before I flew out. A bunch of little things happened before I left that tested my patience. I was able to keep calm during those. What happened when I got to Chile was something I never thought about.

I got to Chile, Friday morning at 4 am. I went from the airport to the AirBnB, me and 4 other women were staying in. I took a nap for a few hours until a few other women arrived. I needed to get my cell phone working because I was unable to use my Costa Rican number in Chile. It was the same for another friend. Together, we went out to get a prepaid Chile number, some Chilean Pesos, and lunch. While we were at lunch the craziest thing happened. Not thinking, I put my backpack on the back of my chair, sat down, and had lunch. While my friend and I were talking, a man came and sat at the table behind me. At some point, he took my bag from the back of the chair and walked out of the restaurant. Right in front of our faces. She and I never got up from the table, not even for a second. I noticed it was gone as I turn to put a tissue in the side pocket. I looked at my friend and said “my bag is gone.” She didn’t believe me. I told her I had put it on the back of the chair. We notified the restaurant staff, who looked around the restaurant for it. It was gone. I knew the second I turned around it had been stolen. I knew this was what was supposed to happen. This was what I had been preparing for. I have no idea how I did it, yet is stayed calm. I didn’t let it affect me. I cried. I laughed. I stayed silent. I went through a few emotions as I stayed calm. It was unbelievable. I felt peace. I felt love. I felt calm. I was good.

The restaurant was very helpful. They let us watch the cameras. We were able to see him walking out with my bag. He was a professional. The way he walked out with my bag in front of a waitress was crazy. We got the video and went straight to the police station. It took about 2 hours to get a police report. Since it was Friday after 5pm, the US embassy was closed until Monday. I had to wait until Monday to get a new passport.

Since my flight was supposed to leave at 4pm on Monday, I had to change my flight. I called the airline and they wanted $900 to change the flight. I do not have this kind of money. I do have travel insurance for the trip. I have never used travel insurance so I didn’t feel comfortable spending the money. I didn’t want to get stuck with having to pay any of the money for the flight change. I took some time to think of other options. I decided to call the airline again. This time, we found a loop hole for changing my flight for free. Last week, the airline company changed the flight number. Since the airline had made the change, I was allowed to change my flight for free. What a blessing this was. The universe was looking out for me.

I am amazed at how far I have come. I was able to stay calm. I didn’t over react. I didn’t fall apart. I held it together. I was able to attend the meetings and be present with the people I was with. I took it one step at a time. I did what I could when I could do it. I knew that I was in the best possible place for this to happen. I had over 300 people who would be there for me in any way they could. I had a community of people that supported me in ways I could never have imagined. Not only did I have the people with me, I had myself. Over the last 7 months, I have been working on myself. I had been overcoming things within myself that do not bring me peace and love. I was able to keep my peace, my love, and my freedom.

The crazy thing is…. I did this all with being sick. I had a headache, stuffy nose, and cough. Physically I felt like crap. All the while, I was able to keep myself. I am still in awe of what I accomplished with the whole situation. I have a lot to process and figure out from this. I have emotions and feelings I need to work through. This trip was full of mental and spiritual growth. It is exactly what my spirit needs to grow. What I am supposed to take from this, I need to find out. What I am supposed to do with this experience, I need to find out. I know that I am able to accomplish anything because I have the power and tools to do so.