Tag: acceptance

Relationships are about growing together

Relationships require growth and movement. From my experience, a relationship doesn’t last if both partners don’t grow TOGETHER. All my past partners knew this. The relationship fell apart because we didn’t grow together. It happens when the energy and commitment of each person don’t match.  I never truly understood this until recently. Here is the list of ways partners can grow together. This is only limited to my view and there are many other ways. (Feel free to let me know what ways you grow together with your partner in the comments)

4 Major Ways We Grow Together

  1. Listen, communicate, and understand each others feeling . We all have feelings and we all see different aspects of the other person they may not see. We should be able to talk freely about how we feel. The last conversation my fiance and I had was about our dog, Nina. I felt as though he wasn’t taking responsibility for her needs. He likes the idea of having a dog, just didn’t want to take care of her. We talked about this, without anger or resentment. We came from a place of understanding which allowed him to see how much work I was doing with Nina. He is now a different puppy father than before. He does the same with me. When he is upset about me about something, he talks to me, I listen.
  2. Put yourself in their shoes or look into your past and how you felt. I make more money than Jonathan by about $300. That means that I wind up paying for more things than he does. It seems a bit unfair, right? I spent a good 2 months trying to figure out how to make this fair.  I did two things, put myself into his shoes and looked at my past relationships. Looking into my past relationships is what gave me the answer. My ex-fiance in the states made way, way more money than me. He was always telling me to make more money. I found this frustrating because it was not easy for me to just make more money. Which is the same situation Jonathan is in with me. So, instead of insisting that he make more money, I gave him options. Option 1: find a way to make more money (which is not easy for him) or Option 2: do more housework. His response to doing more housework was not verbal. His face told me everything. His face said “you want me to what? Clean more than you? I don’t know if I want to do that.” His response was “yes sure but if I do make more money, can I do less housework?” Of course.
  3. Accept others decisions. In relationships, we all have to make decisions. We talk about the decisions and get each other’s perspective. Both Jonathan and I have made decisions about jobs. He has left 3 jobs since I have known him. Everytime he wants to do this he talks to me about it. I told him as long as he can still pay his portion of the bills it is fine with me. He has done just that. I wanted to use my blog to make money which will require more time from me during the evening and weekends. He asked some questions and I started working. We trust each other that what we pursue will work out the way the universe wants it too. This allows us to both feel free within the relationship.
  4. Give your partner space to think. When each partner has space to think and process it allows them or you to grow. It is not always easy to remember to take or give space. When Jonathan’s tone of voice is a certain way I know to go do my own thing to allow him space. He doesn’t always take space for himself. He allows me space to think when I ask. It is a lot easier for me to take space because he works longer hours than me. I have an hour before work and and hour sometimes more after work. Saturday’s are generally all for me because he works 6 days a week. If we don’t allow our partners space to process how can they grow? They can’t.

There are many more ways to grow as a couple. These are the 4 major ones for mine and Jonathan’s relationship at this moment. Our relationship has been able to overcome many adversities because of these 4 ways of being with each other. Not only do I do it with him, he does it with me. I find when one of these fails, that is when we have a breakdown in our relationship. It makes the relationship harmonious.