Tag: loving yourself

How You Love me

I am in love with the song “How you love me”. I am in love with it because it is so true. How we love someone can determine how they are with us. Including trying to be perfect.

When I was married many years ago, I tried to be perfect. I tried to do everything I could to make my husband happy. I changed myself. Well, honestly, I didn’t even know myself before so changing myself was the way of life for me. I became a different person, I thought he needed just because I was scared to be lonely. Just because I thought it was what I was supposed to do, please the man. 

Nobody’s perfect, never try.

When I say this I don’t mean don’t try. We want to try and be the best we can, that doesn’t mean we need to be perfect. Noone can be perfect. Everyone has flaws. So, don’t try to be perfect. Try to be better. Be better for yourself. 

I could be the rain in your desert sky. I could be your curse or your angel. It’s how you love me. 

This is absolutely so true. There are people who will bring out the light in us and others that will bring out the darkness in us. If we know our true selves, we will see this with the people around us. We will see who encourages us to be ourselves. 

Recently, I was seeing someone. It was so so at first. I decided to keep giving it a try. I was being me. Asking questions to get to know them and see what kind of person they are. (read this post to know more.) The responses and the type of answers I received I realized how true these words are. 

We can be anyone’s curse or angel. It depends on how we love them. 

You get what you give, that’s a simple truth.

What you give to people, you get back. If you give openness, you get openness. If you give fear and cautious, you will get fear and cautious. It is how it goes. We give off energy and people respond in the same energy (unless they are aware and conscious of themselves).

It happens all around us. There are some instances this doesn’t happen. I have been open and loving towards someone and got hurt in the end. I noticed that happens when I am not confident with myself 100%. We could be happy and free on the outside and inside we are miserable and scared. The people around us will pick up on what we truly feel. 

So, if we give love artificially because we are afraid to lose someone, then we will be met with similar energy. 

This includes ourselves

I am not just talking about other people and relationships around us. I am talking about ourselves too. We can be our own demon or angel, depending on how we love ourselves. We can give ourselves artificial love or deep and authentic love. What we give, we will get back. 

“If you want the best of my heart, you’ve just gotta see the good in me.” 

Lyrics from How you love me 3LAU

That’s the truth with ourselves. If you want the best of yourself you have to see the good in yourself. 

So many times, we hate parts of ourselves. We call ourselves fat or ugly. We want to change our emotions and negative parts. Or we don’t like some part of us and shame it. I know there are many parts of myself that I don’t like and over the years I have grown to love those parts. But, how we love ourselves will be what we get in return. 

Scared to be Lonely

How many of you are scared to be lonely? How many of you go from boyfriend or girlfriend to the next? How many of you feel “worthless” without someone near? 

It happens to a lot of people. Me, included. Society tells us so many times that we need a family or someone to make us happy. We have romantic movies that tell the story of the woman needing a man for help or needing a man to be happy. We have music that is all about love and relationships and being with that perfect someone. There are even love coaches you can hire to help you find your true love (and they make thousands of dollars doing it). 

That is all well and good, but we can’t rely on someone to be with us every day and minute of our lives. Things happen. People have to go away for one reason or another. Sometimes it’s for work and other times it’s for emergencies with family. We need to happy to be alone because we are the only person who is there for us all the time, forever. 

Loving yourself first

My website is all about finding yourself and loving yourself. I want to help you be so confident with yourself whether you are single or not, you won’t be scared to be lonely. When we are afraid to be alone, it means we are afraid to be with our selves. I am building courses and webinars to give you yourself back. To be confident and amazed at how being alone (for long periods of time or short) can really be beneficial for you and the ones you love.

There are so many ways to love being with yourself. It is scary at first, but it is so amazing and rewarding. You have so much power and energy that you light up the room. You don’t care what anyone thinks and if someone doesn’t treat you right or isn’t aligned with your goals, you let them go without thinking twice. 

Scared to be Lonely

One of my favorite songs is called “Scared to be Lonely” by Dua Lipa and Martin Garrix. It is honest and real about what some of us face with being alone. Have a listen…

Some of the lyrics are questions… you know I love questions. They can really get you thinking about the relationship you’re in. Here are a few of my favorites.

  1. Do we need somebody just to feel like we’re alright?
  2. Are we scared to be lonely?
  3. Why do we keep coming back for more?
  4. Is it just our bodies, are we both losing our minds?
  5. Is the only reason you’re holding me tonight is because we’re scared to be lonely?
  6. How can we keep holding on when we know it wrong?

Questions need honest answers

If we want better, we have to answer the questions honestly. I have coached many people on how to have a better life in the last few years. The ones that succeed and achieve a better life are those that answer the questions that arise honestly. It is a struggle even for me to answer questions honestly. I know deep inside I can’t lie to myself because it will get me nowhere. The people who have grown from my coaching have dug deep within to find the strength to be honest with themselves about what and why they do things. 

Answer this honestly

Are you scared to be lonely? Are you with someone or in a situation that doesn’t work for you because you are afraid to be with yourself? Go back and answer some of the questions from the song. It won’t be easy and it will be worth it. Once you figure out the answers, the choices you make will be easier to do. 

It is not easy letting go. It is not easy answering questions honestly because once you’re honest, you have to act accordingly. I struggle with this many times. I know how hard it is to do. I also know how powerful and strong you feel after.

If you need a coach to help you ask questions and help you find the answers, message me. Remember, for my coaching to work you need to be honest with yourself and open to new ideas and ways of life. 

Going with the Flow of Life

Life ebbs and flows, just like the ocean. We have high tides and low tides. It is marvelous and gorgeous how life goes. Life gives you what you need when you need it too. I have learned this many times over. I am constantly reminded of going with the flow of life. 

Going with the flow and being observant

The tides flow and we should go with them, but we need to be observant of what’s going on around you. Since I am at the beach all the time, I need to be observant of the flows of the ocean. The ocean is a powerful force that can cause rip currents to take you out to sea, where you don’t want to be. Being aware of the ocean’s flow is important. It is the same thing with life.

We can easily get swept away into a situation that isn’t a good one. When the ebbs and flows of life bring you good or bad it is easy to overindulge or become too attached to the situation. This can take our judgment and good sight from us.

Experience life and Question

We want to experience life and live our best lives. It is key to a great and loving life. We do need to be aware of our inner voices and signs. You all know me by now, I have a questioner. I question everything all the time. It is what I do to understand the life around me. When I hear a voice in my soul telling me to be aware that there is a potential rip current ahead, I question and observe. 

Recently, I was talking with a guy. My soul told be watch out. So, as I talked to this guy for the last month, I questioned him to get to know how he thinks. I started to get more and more concerned about the guy, so I started asking questions about why he is a certain way. It gave me the answer, not just his responses. Responses can be deceiving, but if you combine actions, words, and responses, you can really see what the person is about.

Trust yourself

In the end, I stopped talking to him. Nothing happened, but between the responses, the words, and the actions, I decided he wasn’t worth my time. I didn’t want to see what was hiding beneath the words.

Trusting yourself is the most important part of going with the flow of life. When you feel danger may be near, use caution. When you feel danger closely approaching, turn the other way. When you feel safe, go for it. 

We can learn to read and listen to our warning signs. Sometimes they can be ignored like when I got robbed in Chile a few years ago. They aren’t foolproof. However, those experiences can be exactly what we need to find ourselves. 

Ebbs and Flows are good

We can learn so much from the ebbs and flows of life. It gives us the chance to see something different we might not have seen otherwise. Go with the flow, but be aware of the inner self.

Life is beautiful and amazing. 

Importance of Community

I have written about the sense of community and volunteering in the past. It really is important on a spiritual and mental level. I don’t know how people can live without a community surrounding them. I don’t know how I functioned for 6 months without the community of Brasilito. 

A Beach Clean Up with the Local Police

Community gives you a sense of belonging

When I lived in Brasilito before I had a huge sense of belonging. I had people I could go to for smoothies or support. I was always saying “Hola, como estas?” (Hi, how are you?) or “Buenas” (good morning). I knew everyone and everyone knew me even if it wasn’t a deep knowing. 

I felt like I belonged in this little town. I felt like I had a community there for me no matter what would happen. They could help me with anything I needed whether it be a smoothie date or company on the beach. Or just that pick me up “hello”. 

Having a town or village that surrounds you gives you so much more spiritually and mentally than most people realize. It gives you peace of mind knowing you have people to help you in need or people to go to with questions and concerns or just someone to say hi. It is something we all need and crave as a way of life.

Community builds love

I have so much love and appreciation for the little town I live in, but also for the world around me. I volunteer to teach English to someone in Jordan (in the Middle East). I have friends from all over the US and the world from my TEFL course

There are so much love and appreciation for different cultures and different ways of life. I am learning about other cultures in China and Jordan from teaching online. I am learning about the Spanish culture here in CR, but also abroad because of Open English. It is just amazing. 

I am consistently filled with love because of the openness and community of the many cultures that surround me. 

The building community can be far and near.

No matter where you are you can have a sense of community with others near and far. I have people that are close to me on a daily basis. I also have others that I know only through the computer. And the sense of community is the same. 

Yes, It is great to have people close to you to have for emergencies like taking care of your dog while you’re out of town. A friend of mine has been out of town for a month. She has had so much help and support while gone with her dog and her bills (most bills can’t be paid online here). My friend has expressed her gratitude and love of this little community we have here many times over the month. It is a wonderful experience. 

Nina and her New friend.

But… it can also be an online community. There is an online community of woman that I am apart of that is always there to answer questions and supports all women. It is based here in CR. They do community awareness events like beach clean-ups. They also support local businesses by offering discounts and some proceeds go to the local charities. I don’t know some of these women personally, but they are always there when someone needs support. Nina has even found best friends to play with, in our new community!

Go out and find your community

Go out and find your community, whether it be online or in-person. You will live a happy and connected life. Once you find that perfect community for you, you will have love and belonging. It is part of the self-love steps I’ve talked about before, mental and spiritual. 

Some communities may be geared toward physical and other aspects of self. Which is amazing as well. We need to fill our own selves up with what we need. 

SO GO OUT AND BE LOVE!