Tag: motivation

How to stay TRUE to YOUSELF

Staying true to yourself is the most important and loving thing you can do. It isn’t easy because we can forget ourselves in the activities that we do. I know that I am one to forget myself. Over the past few years I am staying true to myself more and more. It can take many forms, some harder than others. The harder the task the more deeply I grow within myself. It is a beautiful, peaceful, and rewarding event to do.

Someone close to me has been having a hard time staying true to himself (or listening to himself). He has become sad and angry because he was scared to do what he needed to do for fear of losing me. I wanted to share with you the ways I have learned to listen to myself.

1. Say NO!

Saying no is a huge deal. When someone says “no” it can upset other people. If I don’t want to kiss on the first date, I will say no. Saying “no” gives you POWER. It also can show you about the other person. When someone hears “no”, they can either respect that or push you. If a person can’t handle hearing no isn’t your place to give in and do what they want. You lose respect for yourself.

DON’T GO AGAINST YOURSELF TO PLEASE SOMEONE ELSE! Say NO and MEAN IT

2. Set Boundaries and Stick to them

Know what your limits are and don’t break them. If I don’t like sleeping in the same bed with someone, I need to set that boundary with my partner and keep the wall up. This does two things. It lets me know that I AM IMPORTANT and WORTHY of my personal space and needs. Second, it let’s the other person know how they need to RESPECT ME. If I am constantly breaking my own boundaries, it will shows others that I am weak and will cater to them. PEOPLE WILL TAKE ADVANTAGE!

3. Know what you want and why

One of the only ways to stick to NO and your boundaries is to know what you want and why. I know that I can’t sleep in the same bed with someone for more than 4 days because it causes me to lose my energy and strength. I become irritable and lazy. Since I do not want to feel that way I set these limits and I say NO. KNOW WHAT YOU WANT AND WHY YOU (truly) WANT IT! This is such an important factor in being able to do the first two points. You LOSE YOURSELF every time you don’t know what you want and why.

The why is just as important as the want. Knowing why gives you strength during those times you need to say no. Knowing why creates a strong bond within yourself because there is complete clarity.

4. Never lose yourself for someone else

This is probably one of the hardest to do. It creeps up slowly. You do this by giving in to tiny things over and over again through time. If you love to volunteer and your partner doesn’t, you may find yourself slowly finding excuses to not do the charity work you always did. Going to see his parents one Tuesday night instead of volunteering at the local soup kitchen, turns in to canceling three or four times to never going again. THIS HAPPENS ALL THE TIME! If you love dancing around the house when you feel an energy flow, but are too afraid of what your partner will think (if they live with you), DON’T STOP! You want to keep this part of you because it is the part of you that loves and breathes. It is who you are at the core. Yes, it is true people can help you find yourself. If you are doing it because you know deep inside it’s better than who you were before.

5. You don’t need to care about the same things are your partner or friends

It is okay to have different interests. Why would you want to spend all your time doing stuff together? I used to do EVERYTHING with my ex’s and friends. I never did things I liked to do because it was easier to go along with the ride. I learned over time that having different interests kept distance in the relationship. Distance isn’t a bad thing. It can create desire and a chance to miss the person you love. Jonathan rarely does things without me. This caused a great deal of tension in the relationship because he wouldn’t put his needs first. Instead of going to basketball every Wednesday, he would watch movies with me all night. I know he wants to get the exercise and hang out with friends, but he was afriad to leave my side. (I never wanted to go because I am not a big fan of basketball.)

It is PERFECTLY FINE to not like or care about everything your partner does.

6. Walk Away when needed

If something doesn’t suit you any more for whatever reason, WALK AWAY! Do not stay in a relationship because you are afraid to lose love, money or attention. Only be in a relationship if you feel it is what you need to do for you. If someone is disrepecting you constantly, leave them. If you know you need to move out the house because you need space to think. DO IT! Staying in a relationship that doesn’t serve you on a deeper level is more damaging to your soul than leaving. Leaving when you feel trapped is freeing and can open your mind to something bigger.

Take it from someone who spent 5 years with someone not following every bullet mentioned in this article. When the marriage ended, I HAD NO IDEA WHO I WAS! I cried. I felt lost and confused. It took me years to build myself up again. It was the best thing that happened to me. I wouldn’t let it happen again. It’s terrifying not knowing who you are because everything you thought you knew about you was gone. Gone because the one you gave it too was no longer around. STAY TRUE TO WHO YOU ARE! It is not worth losing.

(These can be used in intiment realtionships, friendships, or even the jobs we have)

What am I not doing to make my blog better? And what it means for you.

One of the things I do with this blog is to be honest with my life. I do my best not to sugarcoat the experiences that I go through when sharing them with you. I want to be honest because honesty is key in this life. Being honest not only with you all but with myself too. I recently wrote a blog post with 27 questions for self-discovery (If you subscribe to my website you get this). As I was writing, I asked and answered those questions for myself, again. Some answers were the same as the past, and some changed. These questions led me to ask more questions like what can I do to make my blog better? What am I not doing to make my blog better?

I responded to the last question because I thought it was the most important. I was not listening to the advice that many other bloggers had given me in many ways. Here were the top 3…

1. There isn’t consistency between the blog and my social media. My color scheme and layouts are all over the place. It seems like a chaotic mess. I like so many styles it is hard to narrow it down to just one.

2. I don’t have a content marketing strategy. Well, I have a strategy. It is to just do what I feel I need to do. Which really isn’t the best strategy. I need a more concrete strategy in writing that I can follow and implement.

3. I don’t believe in myself or what I am doing. This one is the most difficult one for me. This is the part that is not easy for me to be honest about. This is the one that stops me in my tracks. Let me explain…

From my past posts, most of you know that I struggled with many situations as a child. These situations have made me the strong, loving, and courageous woman I am today. One the other hand, it has given me some doubts, insecurities, and fear. I know that I can inspire people with my writing and experiences. I have seen it happen with family and friends. I know that I can make an impact on the women and the world by overcoming my insecurities and sharing my strengths. If I didn’t think I could really do this I would not have continued to write for as long as I have. I would have given up long ago.

So why do I feel like I do not believe in myself or what I am doing?

I feel that I am good enough to be an influencer on this world. I feel that everyone has left me at some point in my life, which isn’t really true. They just weren’t there emotionally for me. This is something that has taken me a long time to understand and i am still understanding how this affects my life. It affects relationships, my work, and my self esteem, among other things. It’s not easy to overcome and it takes a lot of internal processing and understanding. There are many other people who feel the same because of things that have happened in their past. I know that if i work hard to transmute this into something bigger, it would be a life changer. I know I CAN DO THIS! It is just something I feel. And as i have learned over the years, not everything we feel is the truth.

How have I begun to overcome this?

I have taken personal development classes. I have read books. I attended IHP for 4 years. I have come a long way with understanding the feeling of not being enough. Opening my mind to different ways of living and thinking has been a huge part of this journey. I do this by asking myself questions and digging deep for the honest answer. Once I get to the answer, I do my best to find a new way of being with the issue. For my blog, I have been pushing myself to keep writing and putting the best energy I possibly can out into the world. Even when something tries to stop me, I remember that nothing worth living for is easy. I find a way to overcome it. When I switched the blog around I ran into problems (I still am running into problems), I dug deep to find the courage to make it happen despite the trouble. This helped me have confidence that I can learn and grow if I want it bad enough.

Nothing in this world comes easy. If even it looks easys when others do it, it’s not. They had some struggle (that no one saw) to get to where they are. Part of the blog is to share that struggle and to show you that even with the struggle there is hope and amazement on the other side of it.

What does this mean for you as a reader?

I do struggle with feeling not good enough. I seem to contradict myself with some posts. I am still learning and growing as a person. One day I may see a different point of view to something than I did the day before. I think that is why I don’t have consistency within my website and social media. I want you to know I am looking for a coach that could help me understand myself on a deeper level as well as help me get the blog to a more cohesive place. I am on a journey of self-discovery. It is not clear, cut, and dry. It is messy, difficult, and scary. As I begin to understand, aspects of my life will begin to be more harmonious and tranquil.

I hope that you as a reader becomes motivated, stronger, and inspired by the journey of my life. I wish that you are encouraged to reach your dreams, as I begin to reach mine. I am working on different ideas for courses, ebooks, and printables that can support you in your journey of life. (stay tuned) I love all my readers and followers. I am happy and thrilled to gain many more. Thank you for inspiring me to better myself and my life!