Tag: self-love

There is no such thing as lost time

Someone recently said to me “I don’t like it when people waste my time.” It got me thinking. Can we really waste time if we learn from what we are doing? What is a waste of time anyway? 

a black clock with white numbers

When you learn, you gain time

I am learning that as you learn, you gain time. Obviously, you can’t gain actually time, but you can gain experience that helps you learn faster. This allows you to live a better life. 

In the past, I used to “waste time” with being around the wrong people. Over time I learned what works and doesn’t work for me, so now I don’t waste time with people who don’t suit my life. The way I look at it, is I learned something valuable and that is worth my time. Now, I have more time to be with people who are amazing. 

People can’t waste our time.

People are who they are so it is our choice on what we do about them. If someone is “wasting” your time, then it falls on you to make the time productive in some way. We are in control of our time and our life, no one else is. There are many ways to do this. 

Walk away

We can walk away from people that are wasting our time. If we walk away this gives us our time back. Walking away is one of the best ways to take control of our time, space, and life.

Say “No”

If we don’t like something say “No, that doesn’t suit me and my goals.” This gives you the power and the strength to keep the boundaries you put up, limiting the time-wasting. 

Keep your boundaries

Boundaries are so important. I wrote an article about this a few weeks ago. Boundaries are an amazing way to keep people from wasting our time. They give us the power and control to live the life we want. Check out the article to learn more

Learn something

Find something to learn about the situation. This will allow you to feel that it was worth something even if it a small win. There is always something to learn about ourselves in every situation and experience.

Do you “waste time”?

Do you waste time with people because you don’t do some of the things listed above? If you do, start now by making decisions that give you your time and energy back. Even a little change goes a long way. 

There are ways we can waste our own time such as sleeping all day or watching movies when we should be doing something else. Those are a little different to handle as that is something we do for ourselves. We can use those times to relax and reconnect with ourselves or we can overuse them as a way to avoid life. I know I do that sometimes. 

Let me know what you will do to gain your time back. Who will you put up boundaries with? What activity will you limit so you can have more time for growth? Leave a comment and let me know. 

If you struggle with any of these things and want one-on-one coaching with, send a message and we can start with a FREE 30- minute introductory session.

Scared to be Lonely

How many of you are scared to be lonely? How many of you go from boyfriend or girlfriend to the next? How many of you feel “worthless” without someone near? 

It happens to a lot of people. Me, included. Society tells us so many times that we need a family or someone to make us happy. We have romantic movies that tell the story of the woman needing a man for help or needing a man to be happy. We have music that is all about love and relationships and being with that perfect someone. There are even love coaches you can hire to help you find your true love (and they make thousands of dollars doing it). 

That is all well and good, but we can’t rely on someone to be with us every day and minute of our lives. Things happen. People have to go away for one reason or another. Sometimes it’s for work and other times it’s for emergencies with family. We need to happy to be alone because we are the only person who is there for us all the time, forever. 

Loving yourself first

My website is all about finding yourself and loving yourself. I want to help you be so confident with yourself whether you are single or not, you won’t be scared to be lonely. When we are afraid to be alone, it means we are afraid to be with our selves. I am building courses and webinars to give you yourself back. To be confident and amazed at how being alone (for long periods of time or short) can really be beneficial for you and the ones you love.

There are so many ways to love being with yourself. It is scary at first, but it is so amazing and rewarding. You have so much power and energy that you light up the room. You don’t care what anyone thinks and if someone doesn’t treat you right or isn’t aligned with your goals, you let them go without thinking twice. 

Scared to be Lonely

One of my favorite songs is called “Scared to be Lonely” by Dua Lipa and Martin Garrix. It is honest and real about what some of us face with being alone. Have a listen…

Some of the lyrics are questions… you know I love questions. They can really get you thinking about the relationship you’re in. Here are a few of my favorites.

  1. Do we need somebody just to feel like we’re alright?
  2. Are we scared to be lonely?
  3. Why do we keep coming back for more?
  4. Is it just our bodies, are we both losing our minds?
  5. Is the only reason you’re holding me tonight is because we’re scared to be lonely?
  6. How can we keep holding on when we know it wrong?

Questions need honest answers

If we want better, we have to answer the questions honestly. I have coached many people on how to have a better life in the last few years. The ones that succeed and achieve a better life are those that answer the questions that arise honestly. It is a struggle even for me to answer questions honestly. I know deep inside I can’t lie to myself because it will get me nowhere. The people who have grown from my coaching have dug deep within to find the strength to be honest with themselves about what and why they do things. 

Answer this honestly

Are you scared to be lonely? Are you with someone or in a situation that doesn’t work for you because you are afraid to be with yourself? Go back and answer some of the questions from the song. It won’t be easy and it will be worth it. Once you figure out the answers, the choices you make will be easier to do. 

It is not easy letting go. It is not easy answering questions honestly because once you’re honest, you have to act accordingly. I struggle with this many times. I know how hard it is to do. I also know how powerful and strong you feel after.

If you need a coach to help you ask questions and help you find the answers, message me. Remember, for my coaching to work you need to be honest with yourself and open to new ideas and ways of life. 

Importance of Community

I have written about the sense of community and volunteering in the past. It really is important on a spiritual and mental level. I don’t know how people can live without a community surrounding them. I don’t know how I functioned for 6 months without the community of Brasilito. 

A Beach Clean Up with the Local Police

Community gives you a sense of belonging

When I lived in Brasilito before I had a huge sense of belonging. I had people I could go to for smoothies or support. I was always saying “Hola, como estas?” (Hi, how are you?) or “Buenas” (good morning). I knew everyone and everyone knew me even if it wasn’t a deep knowing. 

I felt like I belonged in this little town. I felt like I had a community there for me no matter what would happen. They could help me with anything I needed whether it be a smoothie date or company on the beach. Or just that pick me up “hello”. 

Having a town or village that surrounds you gives you so much more spiritually and mentally than most people realize. It gives you peace of mind knowing you have people to help you in need or people to go to with questions and concerns or just someone to say hi. It is something we all need and crave as a way of life.

Community builds love

I have so much love and appreciation for the little town I live in, but also for the world around me. I volunteer to teach English to someone in Jordan (in the Middle East). I have friends from all over the US and the world from my TEFL course

There are so much love and appreciation for different cultures and different ways of life. I am learning about other cultures in China and Jordan from teaching online. I am learning about the Spanish culture here in CR, but also abroad because of Open English. It is just amazing. 

I am consistently filled with love because of the openness and community of the many cultures that surround me. 

The building community can be far and near.

No matter where you are you can have a sense of community with others near and far. I have people that are close to me on a daily basis. I also have others that I know only through the computer. And the sense of community is the same. 

Yes, It is great to have people close to you to have for emergencies like taking care of your dog while you’re out of town. A friend of mine has been out of town for a month. She has had so much help and support while gone with her dog and her bills (most bills can’t be paid online here). My friend has expressed her gratitude and love of this little community we have here many times over the month. It is a wonderful experience. 

Nina and her New friend.

But… it can also be an online community. There is an online community of woman that I am apart of that is always there to answer questions and supports all women. It is based here in CR. They do community awareness events like beach clean-ups. They also support local businesses by offering discounts and some proceeds go to the local charities. I don’t know some of these women personally, but they are always there when someone needs support. Nina has even found best friends to play with, in our new community!

Go out and find your community

Go out and find your community, whether it be online or in-person. You will live a happy and connected life. Once you find that perfect community for you, you will have love and belonging. It is part of the self-love steps I’ve talked about before, mental and spiritual. 

Some communities may be geared toward physical and other aspects of self. Which is amazing as well. We need to fill our own selves up with what we need. 

SO GO OUT AND BE LOVE!

Self-Love: The Spiritual Aspect

Spiritual Aspect

We all have an inner soul that wants to grow and learn. This part is our spiritual side. There are many ways we can give ourselves love spiritually. For some, it is going to church and religion. Others, it is yoga or being a monk. Where ever your soul takes you will bring you closer to yourself. 

We need a Deep Connection

Part of ourselves need a deep connection with something, be it family, a God, or any other higher power. It is part of our life and it is just as important as the other aspects of ourselves. This deep connection we crave should never be ignored. It is part of us and requires the same love and appreciation as the mental, physical, and social aspects. 

Here’s a list of ways we can achieve this connection.

Spending Time in Nature

One of the reasons I decided to live near the beach was to be closer to nature. I knew that my soul needed to be away from the big city and closer to nature. Living by the beach gives me a deep connection to life. There are wild animals like monkeys and iguanas. There is fruit falling off trees. I can feel and touch the ocean and sand beneath my feet. 

Being in nature brings you so close to the foundation of life. Whether it is swimming in the ocean or taking a hike in the woods, you are connected with the simple, serene, and peace. It allows you to be at one with yourself and what’s around you. 

Reading a spiritually thoughtful book

There are a ton of books out there that can help you shift your mindset and think deeply about your life and self. I enjoy these books because they can be life-changing books. Most of the books on my booklist are life-changing or spiritually thoughtful books. Some of my favorites are by John Baines and Eckhart Tolle. 

I have become the person I am today because of the books I have read. They have opened my eyes to things I didn’t know before. It is always a go-to for me to dig deep and feel the spiritual connection I need.

If you don’t like to read, you can always listen to an audiobook as well. You can learn so much about life, love, happiness, and inner peace by reading books.

Attend a spiritual or self-improvement school or workshop

This is one of the greatest things you can do. They have different schools or workshops all over the world. I have attended a few. At IHP, I was able to learn the most about myself than any other place or book I read. I also attended The Landmark Forum. I learned a lot there too. It was eye-opening and inspiring. 

I know many people who have traveled to Bali or Thailand or other places and gained so much knowledge and power from the event or school. The feeling and understanding you have when you leave will stick with you forever. 

Search and find the best place for you. There may be many places you attend as you begin to grown. It is worth it.

For some people, going to church or the mosque or other religious institutions are the way they access their spiritual side.

Meditate or Do Yoga

Meditating and doing yoga can help you settle your mind. It can bring peace and silence. The silence and peace will help you see what’s truly going on inside your body and mind. I am not a fan of yoga, I do meditate. Meditation while taking a hot, salty, bubble bath is my favorite way to calm my mind.

There are different ways to meditate and many options for yoga. You can begin to understand your inner emotions and thoughts while manifesting the life you want. I love to manifest what I want with life in my meditations.

Beautiful People and Core Values

I recently heard the song beautiful people by Ed Sheeran. It got me thinking about who I might become if I pursue my coaching business. I am good at helping people find their inner selves. I have seen friends’ and family member’s lives change because of the work I have done with them. I am confident. I am successful in coaching. I bring my core values into my life in every way.

The song insinuates that Beautiful people are people who pop champagne bottles or drive Lamborghinis. Beautiful people are people who sit in the front row of fashion shows or have prenups and broken homes. And that they don’t want to be beautiful people. They aren’t beautiful, it’s not who they are.

I was thinking, would that become me? Would I be the person popping champagne bottles and all glammed up with makeup and the finest of things? Who would I become when I make it in my new career? 

I love the song, but I think we are all beautiful people. Even without the extravagant lifestyle and fancy things, we are all beautiful people. So we already are beautiful people. 

It leads me to keep thinking about the questions I have and how it could benefit you.

Have you ever wanted to switch careers, but were afraid too because you weren’t sure who you’d become?

Have you ever been afraid to make more money because that could bring more fame, more opportunities, and more success?

As I begin my self-love coaching career, I have those fears. I see so many life coaches on Instagram that have these extravagant lifestyles. I have personally seen people change before my eyes because of money. 

It is scary to watch because I want to stay the same humble, thrifty, and the true person I am. It is normal to fear change and what could happen. We all have fears about the unknown. The truth is we will change. We will become someone new. 

We will change

We do have control over that person we become if we stay conscious and aware during the process. When we have our core values deeply ingrained in our being, we will be able to remember and see if who we are becoming is in-line with that. 

If your core values are to be humble and give back to society. If this value is deep within you, as you continue to grow more financially independent you will give back in the ways that align with your core standards. You will continue to do what you already do, just on a bigger scale. 

Some people put a high value on appearances and lifestyles, so when they gain more money they will do this on a bigger scale than they did before. That is okay because that is what they align with. Everyone has the need to look good and have a nice lifestyle, which is great, but we have control over how much we power we put on those needs. 

Our core values dictate how we live our lives no matter who successful or poor we are. As I work on my coaching program I am figuring out what my core values are so that I can stay true to them in my career and life.

Change is good

Change brings a new way of living. It reminds you that you are alive. We can truly live our best life as we grow into our true selves. The only way to achieve that is to grow and change. Learning what our core values are and how we can live our lives according to those values is the best way to know that we will become the person we truly are. There won’t be the fear that you will become someone different, that you don’t like if you know your core values deeply.

Stay tuned for my course in finding your core values. It is geared toward helping you determine what are the most important values in your life.

Self- Love: The Mental Aspect

Your mind is what controls your life. How you think and what you think can affect every aspect of your life. Your career, relationships, family, and physical appearance success is tied to what going on in your mind. 

One of the 7 principals of Hermeticism is mentalism, “All is mind.” This is where everything starts. We start making our life the way it is by what goes through our mind. What you believe life is, is what life will be. In every way. 

It is as simple as that. The best way to live a happy and free life is to master your mind. 

Taking Care of your Mind

Process and flow

One of the hardest aspects of mental self-love (for me and many others) is to process and flow. As humans, we tend to hold on to everything as if it owns us. We take to heart everything that happens to us and we don’t let go. Which is great when we are children as it helps protect us from future danger. As for adults, it limits us and keeps us in a box that doesn’t promote creativity and freedom. 

How can we begin to process and flow?

Well, you can start with yoga or other mental calming techniques. My favorite is breathing. When I breathe in, I breathe in new, fresh, and good energy. When I breathe out, I breathe out my thoughts and emotions. I circulate what is going on within me. Breathe in the good, and release the bad. This helps things flow. 

It is especially useful after an intense cardio workout. Working out is one of the best ways to get energy moving to release them with breathing.  This creates flow. Once we have the flow, it makes processing what is flowing easier. You can then begin to see what flows, what doesn’t, and what is within you or someone else. (We can attract other people’s energies and keep them as our own.)

Believe and Repeat Affirmations

I’ve heard so many people say “affirmations don’t work!” It is a waste of time. I am here to attest that it is not a waste of time and it can change your mental thoughts. It is not an instant fix. It takes time and belief to work.

A few years ago, someone told me I was a superwoman. I repeated that I was superwoman over and over again in my thoughts, energy, and writing. After a few years of doing this and slowly changing my way of being… IT HAPPENED! I became a superwoman. 

You can repeat I am _______, I do ______, I have _______ (fill in the blanks.) To me, this is boring and monotonous. I will write that out and keep in on pieces of paper where I can see them. I read them in my head as I see them. 

I found to be the most effective for me was to find a song that resonated with where I wanted to be. During the major life changes, I went through five years ago my songs were Titanium by David Ghetta and Hall of Fame by The Script.

The energy from the instruments and the lyrics hit home every time. I was able to remember and believe what I was singing more than just repeating a phrase. 

Back then….

I was afraid to live like a superwoman. I was walking around like a sad sheep that had no love or confidence. Titanium gave me the confidence I needed to break out of my sadness. Living as Superwoman, I was titanium. No one could touch me. No one could take away the confidence and self-love I had. I have nothing to lose no matter how hard people through fire at me. I was finding me. 

Hall of Fame helped me know I can live as Superwoman. I could be whatever I wanted. I could move mountains and find myself. I can burn with the brightest flame and be superwoman. I could be the hero. It was super hard to believe at the beginning, but the more I sang it and belted it out at the red lights and in the shower, the more I felt it in my soul! 

Now

Over the years the songs have changed and adapted to what I was battling with. Hall of Fame and Titanium were amazing in helping me get to where I am today. I still listen to them and they still hit my soul. Now… it’s a new song. 

My song recently has been This is Me from The Greatest Showman. This song resonates with me in so many ways. “This is me… I am not changing for anyone. I am brave… I am bruised… I am who I am meant to be. I am not scared to be seen and I won’t apologize.” As I go into the work of becoming a successful self-love coach, I am afraid to be seen and to be heard. I am afraid for the world to see what I can do. This song gives me the power to write and let myself share what I know about self-love. 

Ask Questions and Seek the Answers

The mind plays tricks on us sometimes. If you have ever seen the movie Revolver, the elevator scene is the best at representing the ego/mind. How do we find the truth if we don’t ask questions and seek the truth? I have always been a person to ask questions, sometimes hard ones. I find the harder the question is to answer the more truth is hidden. 

My questions have changed many times over the years as I have found the answers. It went from what is this life about and what am I supposed to do to what does a real relationship look like and is there more than one way to find it?

There are so many smaller questions I have related to those main questions, but I never stop looking for the answers. I am always living my life and paying attention to what life throws at me. The more life throws, the more answers I get. It’s all about being aware and processing what is in front of you. 

You want a changed life… Start with Your MIND!

Importance of Boundaries

Importance of Boundaries

Boundaries are important to any aspect of life, especially self-love. We have to set boundaries to protect yourselves. We can show the most love to ourselves by saying “No!” to things that don’t suit us. It can be one of the hardest things to do when it comes to family and relationships. It is necessary because we need to do what is best for our well being. 

Boundaries tell the other person or people when to give us our space. It also shows them what we allow in our lives and what we don’t. It is important that people understand what we want and don’t want in our lives. By setting boundaries, we are showing ourselves the respect and love we deserve. We can expect others to show us respect if we don’t give it to ourselves. 

Respect Yourself

Respect is very important in any relationship especially with ourselves. Showing ourselves respect can raise our energy and improve our happiness. Giving ourselves respect will show others how they need to respect us. They will know what you do with yourself and that they can’t do the same with you.

So how do you respect yourself? Here are ways you can show yourself and other people respect!

Saying “No!”

Saying “No” is step one to showing yourself respect and other respect. No is the simplest way to tell someone you don’t like something or don’t want to do something. If you don’t like it when someone touches your arm a certain way, saying NO is simple, easy, and straight forward. If the person respects you, they will stop. If you don’t like when someone calls you a certain name and you say NO, they should understand that isn’t what you like. I don’t like it when people call me Ash. It isn’t my name so I politely tell people “No, it’s Ashley.” 

You can also show yourself respect by saying “No, I can’t go out with you tonight”, if you’re an introvert and need space for yourself. Or “No, I can’t go out because I don’t have money.” In all these instances (and many more) you are showing yourself and the others that you won’t spend money when you don’t have it, you will put yourself first, and whatever else you don’t like or want. If they respect you, they will leave it alone.

Walking away

Step two is walking away. If someone keeps doing something you don’t like and you have told them no many times, then it’s time to walk away. I know this may be hard especially if you really love and care about that person. Depending on what they did or said can depend on how long you stay away. I am all for giving second chances if the person’s actions weren’t severe. 

As I have spoken about before, I had to walk away from my mom for a few months. She and I have grown stronger and we both understand each other’s boundaries. As for an ex-boyfriend, I had in the past I walked away from them and never looked back. He never learned that I had boundaries and he couldn’t cross them. 

By walking away, you gain your power and self-love and they get a hard understanding of what you want. It doesn’t always change the other person because some people just don’t understand respect or boundaries. It is okay because you just walk away. If it is a serious boundary-crossing you may want to go to the police or local authorities to report them.

Integrity

This is the most important step to making sure the first step is taken seriously. Integrity is where you follow through on what you say you are doing to do. If you say No to someone, but then go back on your word, the person won’t take you seriously. Some people are very persistent and push and push, that is why walking away is step two. You may need to take drastic actions. 

Integrity is following through with your word. If you want people to take your word for the truth then do what you say. If I say “No, I can’t come I need alone time” (and they continue to push) but then you go with them, the person learns that you will change your mind after being pushed. 

We want our boundaries to be respected so we need to do what we say. It is important in every area of our lives.

Self-Love: The Physical Aspect

Physical Aspect

There are three major physical aspect components to creating the self-love you deserve: exercise, bodily care, and eating well.

The three aspects are huge for feeling and being your best. When you aren’t taking care of your self physically it is hard to love yourself the way you need to be loved. It is hard to be physically activity because it does take work. It will increase your self-love by double. When I don’t work out, my level of self-love and confidence is super low. 

With one 20-minute workout, it increases because my energy is being moved around. When we don’t work out our energy becomes stagnant causes laziness and procrastination. Eating well helps to have the energy to make the exercise possible. They go hand in hand. 

Exercise

Exercise is a major component of physical self-love. If your body isn’t in shape, the other aspects of yourself will be more difficult to be with. 

There are many different levels of exercise depending on your age and abilities. If you are 70 you may not run a marathon. If you have ankle problems, like me, you will have trouble doing certain activities. 

I tend to do cardio like running and dancing workout videos on youtube. They get my heart rate up and allow me to feel the energy moving within my body. It raises my energy levels and promotes a better mood for me. When I work out every day, I am more productive and creative. 

I would recommend working out 3-4 days a week for a half-hour each time. I know starting out can be rough so if you haven’t worked out in a while. Start off with 10-15 minutes for the first week or two, then increase to 20-30 minutes. This allows you to feel accomplished and energetic. It can be difficult to do 30 minutes if your body isn’t used to exercise. I want you to feel encouraged and accomplished. So, start off small and increase as you feel comfortable.

There are many different types of exercise you can do to stay in shape. Here are a few, and there are many many more that aren’t listed.

  • Dancing
  • Running or jogging
  • Swimming
  • Playing sports
  • Lifting weights
  • Doing youtube videos
  • Zumba
  • Circuits at the local gym
  • Walking

Bodily Care

Bodily care are things we do to take care of our bodies, like brush our teeth and clip our toenails. I know this may seem silly to some people because it is what we do regularly. For others, it is difficult for us to maintain. Making sure that we have our physical appearance upkeep is important. I don’t mean putting on makeup every day and going out looking like a beauty queen. (You are more than welcome to do that if you like. It is not needed.)  

Making sure that we take care of our physical selves is important because it helps us feel like we start the day off with a clean slate. We can wash away all the negative and unwanted from the day before. It improves our sense of self-worth because we are putting ourselves first. Even if it is just clipping our toenails once every two weeks or taking the chipped nail polish off our nails. 

The feeling of staying clean and fresh is a gift we can give to ourselves. I used to miss out on this feeling when I was in my late teens, early 20s. I wouldn’t take care of myself physically as I do now. I don’t get my nails done professionally often, but I do them myself every two weeks like clock worth (which I never did often in the past.) I feel uplifted and empowered every time I do it too. 

Here’s a list of small, but powerful self-care items to do. (There are plenty more you can do that aren’t listed)

  • Clip your nails
  • Clean your ears
  • Floss and brush every day
  • Cut your hair even if it’s a trim (I do this myself every month or two)
  • Shave your legs and armpits (if this is something you do, not all cultures do)
  • Keep your skin hydrated with lotions

Eating Well

Eating well is so important when it comes to self-love. We need to know what is best for our bodies. What we put into our bodies affects our bodies in every way. If you are a diabetic, you will eat differently than someone who isn’t. I am allergic to dairy, so when I put dairy into my body it affects my bowels. Eating meat can affect people differently as well. 

We all have different foods that we know are not the best for us. So make sure we put the right kinds of foods into our bodies is key to having a functioning system. 

The best way to figure out what our bodies like and don’t like is to cut the stuff out. Here are a list of things to cut out of your diet and see what your body feels like after. Don’t do it all at once and speak to your doctor before making any major changes in your on medications or anything from the doctor.

  • Sugar: getting rid of sodas, candies, and sweets
  • Dairy: cut out cheese, yogurts, and other dairy products
  • Meat: don’t eat meat to see if you notice a difference
  • Processed foods: buy whole foods and veggies
  • Gluten: remove gluten products 

I wouldn’t do these all at once. I would also remove them for one month up to three months as it takes a while for these to leave our bodies. And please speak to your doctor before making any major changes. 

Drinking Fluids

Drinking fluids is super important to maintaining self-love.

 I saw fluids because just drinking water doesn’t always support our bodies. I learned this the hard way. In a hot climate like Costa Rica, drinking electrolytes is key to staying hydrated. I have to add electrolyte powder to my water every day. If I don’t I run the risk of becoming dehydrated. Drinking Gatorade is not the same.

When I first moved to CR, I was drinking water and Gatorade by the gallon and I still ended up in the clinic for dehydration. The doctors explained to me that I need to drink something similar to Pedialyte. 

Being dehydrated can cause dizziness, vomiting, and other issues that will affect your body and self-love. So make sure that you drink water and fluids such as Pedialyte when working out or in the hot temperatures.

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Self-Love: The Social Aspect

A few weeks ago, I wrote a post called “What is self-love?” It was about the different aspects of self-love that we need to pay attention too. If we forget one aspect, we can have a breakdown or a down moment full of depression and sadness. We have to pay attention to all aspects of living in harmony with ourselves

This article is centered on the social aspect of self-love and how we can use this to help us live in harmony.

Understanding Introvert verse Extrovert

We all have a personality type: introvert or extrovert. It is very important to understand which personality type you are when giving yourself what you need socially. An Introvert and an extrovert are the complete opposite. You can’t do the same things to fulfill this part of yourself. 

An Introvert

An introvert is someone who gets overwhelmed and easily drained when interacting with people. They don’t like huge groups or parties because being around people can unbearable for them. Don’t get me wrong introverts love to go to concerts and parties, but they have to do it on their time. It can be damaging for an introvert to be in a crowd when they are already drained or dealing with something internally. 

Introverts need to take time alone to reset themselves internally. When they have been around people or are overstimulated socially they can feel as though they have a hangover. Introverts can’t process all the information from their surroundings while being around people. The only way for them to process and overcome situations is to have time alone. Having time alone is a huge deal for introverts and their well-being.

This doesn’t mean they aren’t outgoing and fun. I am an introvert and I can be happy, hyper, and so much fun when I have my much-needed space. Some introverts are quiet and keep to themselves, but not all. 

An Extrovert

An extrovert loves parties, concerts, and anything that allows them to be around people. They actually need to be around people in order to process and live a happy life. They can be shy and quiet even if they need to be around people. An extrovert needs people. 

They love to talk, but they also know how to listen. They need to talk about their life experiences to process their experiences. Extroverts don’t always have a lot of friends because they do not get along with everyone. They can be picky about who they allow into their circle. 

What each personality type needs

Since each type is so different, they need different things to feel full and complete. An introvert can get worse being around people all the time, whereas an extrovert thrives in that type of environment. Finding out what your personality type is, is a huge need to self-love. You can check out my favorite test to finding out what you need. Click here to take the Myer’s Briggs Personality Test. 

Introverts

An introvert needs time to themselves. They need to be alone often. It is hard for them to be around people all day every day. How often this is, depends on the person and it varies month to month. For me, I could spend a whole week with someone, but the next I need to be alone. I could spend two weeks alone, and at other times I need two days alone. It all depends on what is going on internally for me. 

If there are so many situations and conflicts hitting me, including sickness, it will make me not want to be around people at all. I switched jobs recently due to this. I knew I needed to chose when and how often I was around people. Working online and from home allows me to do just that. Introverts are stimulated and energized when they have time alone.

Since introverts need time alone, they enjoy and relax when they know they can stay home and be with themselves. They gain strength and courage when allowed with solo time. Planning an event to a concert or to a crowded venue causes stress and confusion within an introvert.

Writing and listening to music in the comfort of your own room is a huge asset to an introvert. Writing gives me a way to express myself without having to talk to people when I am struggling. It can do the same for all introverts. It lets them be themselves without having to be around people. 

Extroverts

Since extroverts need people, they tend to need time out and about while interacting with people. Some extroverts do need time alone to process and be with themselves. It is something that everyone needs. Extroverts learn more about themselves by being around people.

They are energized and stimulated by people and social events in their life. Planning an event to a concert and inviting all their friends, creates high energy and love within them. They become unstoppable when they are able to throw a party or go to a crowded social event. It is their “home”. It is where they are most comfortable. 

I am not an extrovert so this is a hard topic for me to write from as I don’t have personal experience from this point of view. I am doing research and learning so that I am able to support and help all different personality types. 

Let’s learn how to love yourselves socially.

Socially loving ourselves is just as important as the next three aspects I will talk about over the next few weeks. It is something we all need in our lives whether we are an introvert or an extrovert.

Go out and socially love yourself. Find what works for you and what doesn’t work for you. If you don’t know whether you are an introvert or extrovert take the quiz I suggested to help you. I promise it will give you some insight into what you need.

Taking Time for Yourself

Taking time for your self is very important to self-love and living a beautiful life. Life can be overwhelming and energetically over stimulating. Spending time alone can help you reboot your self energetically and emotionally. It is one of the main things I do regularly. 

There are so many ways to spend time alone. Even if you are around people daily it is possible. 

Take yourself on a date

This is my all-time favorite activity to do to give myself space. It could be anything. Doing something quick or simple helps you with everyday activities. It can help lower your stress and give you the much-needed love you need. 

You could go see a movie alone. Go for a hike at your nearby favorite park. Take a painting class. Go to the library and read some books. 

The sky is the limit for you what you to do. If you want something that could change your life in a way you never thought here are some suggestions These may take more time to plan, but they will definitely change your life and show you just how strong you are. 

You could be conquering a fear alone. Go skydiving by yourself. Travel to the country of your dreams for vacation. 

Use a sick day for work and get some alone time.

We all have days where we just want to spend the day at home without kids or spouses or roommates. These days are much needed “vacation” days. I have only done this once in my life, but it was highly effective for me at the time. 

Call out of work and binge-watch the series you’ve been wanting to see. Get something done you’ve been dying to get done, but don’t have time. Stay home and start writing the book or article you’ve always wanted to write. Maybe call a masseuse to come and give you that much-needed massage. I have used the time to get reiki done, which was amazing!

Again, the sky’s the limit.

Go on a tour of your city

Learn something new about the city or town you live in. It can really help you see things differently. You could do a cupcake tour or a haunted house tour. If you live in a big city, they have the hop on hop off buses and the segway tours you could experience. Check out Groupon as they have some amazing discounts and ideas for things to do in your town. 

I have done a cupcake tour, a wine tour, and a restaurant tour. All were fun and exciting. You find your new favorite places this way sometimes. You also get to spend time with yourself doing something you love. 

Do whatever you feel you need for yourself. 

Taking time for yourself won’t cure everything that’s happening in your life, but it will give you the space you need to love yourself through those times. There are many times I have learned something valuable about myself from these small dates that lead to a major breakthrough in some area of my life.

You only have you, so take care of yourself. Love yourself. You are worthy. You are special and strong. You can conquer all.